Letters from Mom 1991-1993

So Many Great Memories

2012-02-17T15:33:00.000-08:00

Thursday May 7, 1992

Up feeling a wee bit better but my belly is still tender with lots of gas. Frank and I have lunch at Carl's Jr. He gives me a list and I'm off to 1000 Oaks to buy tile for the bathrooms of the rental house. I'm not able to get everything I need so off to Van Nuys for the rest. I would love to stop and see Joan but am pressed for time. I do some shopping and make a great meatloaf dinner.

We relax at home tonight. I call Joan Larson. We have a good talk. She wants to get together and hold hands and talk about how lucky we are even though we have cancer. I agree! We are very lucky. We have had really great lives. So many great memories.

One of the reasons I enjoy publishing this blog is that it stirs up memories. I have great memories too, just like Mom and Joan. My life growing up in the Lemona house (pictured above) which was across the street from Joan and Hal Larson was of a simpler time, where we would play outside with our friends, ride bikes, roller skate, play handball against the garage door, play hide-and-go-seek or play a board game. We didn't have much money for stuff. We couldn't afford a Barbie doll or many toys, but I did love to read and Mom took Gary and I to the library to check out 10 books every week. We dug a fort in the backyard one summer, and climbed the huge birch tree in our front yard. I spent most summers swimming next door in the Gangl's pool, and once a week Mom and her friend Donna would load up the kids in our Pontiac station wagon and take us to Santa Monica Beach where we swam in the surf and went body-surfing. We got sunburned and came home covered in sand. I enjoy reading about Mom's childhood which was much poorer than mine. In the summertime we also spent a week camping at Leo Carrillo Beach in Ventura County, while our dads stayed home and worked. On the weekend they joined us at the campground.

My boys have a much different childhood with every electronic gadget, hundreds of video games, and access to any movie they want to watch. There is very little playing outside with friends. I hope when they look back on their childhood it with fond memories. We have tried to give them adventures as they have grown, camping, boating, jetskiing, riding ATVs in the sand dunes or the mountains, and travels all over Canada and the United States, including Alaska.

I Could Stay In Bed All Day

2012-02-16T13:23:00.000-08:00

Wednesday May 6, 1992

I'm tired again this morning. Have breakfast and crawl back into bed for 45 minutes. I could stay in bed all day but force myself up and into the shower at 10 a.m. My bowels are still acting up with lots of gas and pain.

Frank comes home from the rental house and we go out to lunch at The Schooner. We had won free lunch tickets. It's really a beer joint with sandwiches. I'm not comfortable there. It has no class at all: sawdust floor, pool tables and dart boards.

I do some shopping, meet with the lady making new drapes for our rental, get my nails done and go check out Frank at the rental. Got new acoustic ceilings today.

Philip calls tonight and he and Frank talk quite awhile.

Mom was demanding of those around her and she was especially demanding of herself, never allowing herself to rest or relax. I remember when she came to visit me a few days after I had given birth by C-section to my son Justin in 1981. I was in bed in my nightgown and she insisted that I get up and dressed. In her mind there seemed to be no allowances for recovery from surgery, no time to be sick, or to even just allow herself a lazy day. She always had to appear put together, hair coiffed, make-up on, no matter what. Even the night she died, she would not allow us to visit until she had her make-up on and her hair done.

Philip iIs Still National Guarding Los Angeles

2012-02-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

Tuesday May 5, 1992

I'm tired and dragging around all day. We had homemade greasy tacos last night and I am full of gas and pain all day. My bowels are overactive. I don't feel like it but go anyway to our club board meeting at Joan and Harold's. I'm glad I did. I enjoyed seeing their house, etc.

I bought a card for Frank's cousin Frances. I wrote a note reminding her to be optimistic about her cancer. It will be hard as that family tends to be pessimistic about everything.

Philip called from the Coliseum in Los Angeles and left a message. He's still National Guarding Los Angeles. Frank was so disappointed he missed his call.

7 days after the Rodney King riots began, the National Guard is still patrolling South Central Los Angeles. Phili's unit is stationed at the Los Angeles Coliseum.

Making Plans For Mother's Day

2012-02-16T09:59:00.000-08:00

Monday May 4, 1992

Awoke feeling better today. Up and busy with the laundry and vacuum the house. By 2 p.m. I'm out of gas. I do some shopping, fix dinner, and we go square dancing. It's good to be back and see all our friends. We're both tired and come straight home after.

Gary left a message while we were out. I must call him back to check on his plans for Mother's Day next Sunday. We plan to take Mom and Frank's folks out to early 4:30 p.m. dinner.

In the above photo, my brother Gary and I are sitting between Mom and her mother Grandma Helen. Grandma lived in Desert Hot Springs, 3 hours away, so taking her out to dinner for Mother's Day was an all-day ordeal. Frank's folks lived near Los Angeles International Airport, not at all near Desert Hot Springs.

Now that we are in the final year of Mom's life, this journal will probably become more emotional for me. Mom died the following year just a few days before Mother's Day. After Frank, Gary and I visited the funeral home to make arrangements, we went to Marie Callendar's for lunch and there was a sign there about celebrating Mother's Day. I burst into tears at the restaurant, knowing I would not be celebratins Mother's Day with Mom ever again.

I'm A Bit Depressed Today

2012-02-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

Sunday May 3, 1992

Awoke tired. Had a waffle breakfast, called shirley and returned to bed for a nap. About 1 p.m. Frank and I went shopping for Marvel. I'm having alot of pain in my lower abdomen. It continues until bedtime. I am tired all day and my backache is really a problem.

We know now that Frank's cousin Frances has breast and bone cancer. Not good news. She had not had a mammogram in 4 years. I hope to counsel her after her surgery. I'll send a card for now.

I'm a bit depressed today.

Well, no wonder she's depressed, when suffering from abdomenal pain, back pain, and fatigue. Sometimes even the master encourager needs a little encouragement.

Gary Is Sent Into The Riot Area to Restore Power

2012-02-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

Saturday May 2, 1992

According to the TV all the DWP (Department of Water & Power, where Gary works) men were sent to the burned-out areas to repair the power today. They were to have police protection but it's still dangerous. I can't wait to hear he is home safe. Problem is, he has to work there for a long time to get all the damage repaired.

I feel good today, so I call Maria and arrange to pick her up at 10:30. We take the boys and go window shopping in Simi Valley. Later we go to the park for the arts and crafts show. They have entertainment too. They have alot to see and buy. I'm home about 2:30 to wrap Gena's first communion gift. Frank comes home from painting Marvel and we go to the party 2 doors away. We see alot of our neighbors. We have great food there.

At 8 p.m. we go square dancing. I have a good amount of energy and the caller is fast. I sweat a little more than my overweight friends.

So now Mom has to worry about her stepson Philip in the National Guard as well as her son Gary who was called in to restore power in the riot area. This was a legitimate concern considering what happened to Reginald Denny the first night of the riots. At approximately 6:45 pm, Reginald Denny, a white truck driver who stopped at a traffic light at the intersection of Florence and South Normandie Avenues, was dragged from his vehicle and severely beaten by a mob of local black residents as news helicopters hovered above, recording every blow, including a concrete fragment connecting with Denny's temple and a cinder block thrown at his head as he lay unconscious in the street. The police never appeared, having been ordered to withdraw for their own safety.

Philip is Called Up With The National Guard

2012-02-13T17:05:00.000-08:00

Friday May 1, 1992 L.A. Riots Day 3

A phone call from an acoustic repairman woke us at 6:30 a.m. Neither of us got back to sleep before we got up at 7:30. I went down to prepare breakfast for Frank, Junior and Joseph. Junior came down about 7:45, Joe about 8:15. We all had cereal and watched the news which was pretty good. The curfew last night did some good. There was alot less looting and fires and alot more arrests. Things seem to have calmed down alot. Debby calls to say Phil and his National Guard unit spent the night in Arcadia, but they are on their way to Compton.

We take the boys with us to Marvel house to meet the roofer. The rest of the day they spend watching movies and eating. I pay the bills. Frank puts new brakes on the Cady. Gary and Maria arrive from work about 5:30. Gary must work tomorrow 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. I pray he'll be safe. I hope he doesn't have to go to the riot area. I feel much better about the riots.

Shortly after 9:00 p.m. on April 29, the first 2,000 California Army National Guard soldiers were requested by the governor. The Marines were also called in to restore order. Frank's son was a member of the National Guard and was called into service. My brother Gary works for the Department of Water and Power and was called in to repair damage to electrical equipment and restore power. Unlike the Watts riots of 1965, a comparatively small neighborhood, the 1992 riots encompassed a huge area that stretched over 32 miles from the Hollywood Hills to Long Beach.

One year from this date Mom would pass away.

Dr. Bienstock Does Not Give Me Hope or Encouragement

2012-02-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

Thursday April 30, 1992 The L.A. Riots Continue

Frank must work on the Marvel house today so I go alone to Woodland Hills to see Dr. Bienstock. I'm shocked when I arrive. There are 6 fire engines there. For an instant I think the madmen who set all of L.A. ablaze last night might have been here. But no, it was a gas line outside in a construction area. But the building I'm to enter has been evacuated. Soon everything is back to normal and I'm with Dr. Bienstock for an exam. He still insists a look-see operation in July is unnecessary. He claims it would weaken my immune system and studies show it's no more effective to treat the cancer when there is some than more. I can't agree with that.

He calls Dr. Swartz to discuss. I hear Dr. Swartz backing down after he said to me, "If Dr. Bienstock won't operate we'll find another doctor who will." I am hurt. Dr. Bienstock agrees to send me to Kaiser Sunset for a second opinion. I like that.

I am so upset by Dr. Bienstock and the L.A. riots I hurry home on the verge of tears. Dr. Bienstock does not give me hope or encouragement. I feel he doesn't expect me to live long.

It is rare for Mom to be emotional. She is normally strong and stoic. But on this day her emotions got the best of her. Normally she has Frank at her side for support when she meets with her doctors, but today she is alone. Then she is shocked and disturbed at the prospect that the L.A. riots have spread to Kaiser Hospital in Woodland Hills, and then that the building is evacuated for a gas leak. She finally gets to see her oncologist, but she feels betrayed by him, like he is dismissing her as a lost cause. Even her regular doctor backs down after telling her at first that they will find another surgeon who will operate. I would be crying my eyes out! Having a doctor who is on my side is so important to me. The Kaiser health care system is set up to discourage surgeries in order to minimize their costs. When I suffered a herniated disk in my lower back 4 years ago, I had to drive 2 hours to see a specialist and then I had to insist on surgery. They didn't want to do it, but at least my surgeon left the final decision up to me. I respect him for that. I am glad I had the surgery and my only regret is that I had to wait so long to get it scheduled that I had some permanent nerve damage.

L.A. Riots

2012-02-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

Wednesday April 29, 1992

Slept in til 8:30 just resting in bed mostly. My cold seems a wee bit better. I have kemo at 1:30. Before we leave, the TV announces the jury decision re Rodney King's beating by L.A.P.D. We all saw it on TV time and time again as a bystander had videotaped the episode. It was a horrible senseless beating but somehow the jury here in Simi Valley found the officers not guilty. Everyone is shocked! How can this be? We worry together on the way home what will happen in the black community as a revenge. We don't have to wonder long. Two hours later, 5 p.m. the TV is showing looting, cars being stopped and white people beaten in the Watts area of Los Angeles. Soon the fires begin. The entire city is under siege. It's horrible to watch. The police and firemen can't begin to deal with it. It goes on all night. A state of emergency is declared and the National Guard are ordered in. Phil is one who is called. We are worried sick. Will Gary have to go in to restore their power?

Even though I was only 12 years old at the time, I remember hearing about the Watts riots in Los Angeles in 1965. They lasted 4 days from August 11-August 15 and resulted in 34 deaths, 1032 injuries, 3438 arrests, and over $40 million in property damage. When an all-white jury acquitted 3 white and 1 Hispanic L.A.P.D. officers this day in 1992 right there in Simi Valley, it set off riots that made the 1965 Watts riots pale in comparison. When the police officers pulled over Rodney King after a high-speed pursuit, a bystander videotaped his beating by the police and it was broadcast on the news over and over. And yet these officers were acquitted of the crime that was so obvious to all of us. There was widespread looting, murder, arson and assault in Los Angeles following the verdict. After 6 days 53 were dead, thousands were injured, and property damage was over $1 billion.

Frank's Mom Has Cataract Surgery

2012-02-12T14:53:00.000-08:00

Tuesday April 28, 1992

Frank is up and off to Los Angeles to take his mom for her cataract surgery. I sleep in and lay around all day resting my cold. My nose is running now but I don't feel bad all over. Frank gets home about 7 p.m. and we have dinner. A quiet night with a few phone calls and TV.

From Wikipedia: Cataract surgery is the removal of the natural lens of the eye (also called "crystalline lens") that has developed an opacification, which is referred to as a cataract. Metabolic changes of the crystalline lens fibers over time lead to the development of the cataract and loss of transparency, causing impairment or loss of vision. Many patients' first symptoms are strong glare from lights and small light sources at night, along with reduced acuity at low light levels. During cataract surgery, a patient's cloudy natural lens is removed and replaced with a synthetic lens to restore the lens's transparency.

Uh oh! I have definitely noticed a reduced acuity at night as I approach 60. I even spoke to my optometrist about it and she told it it was very common especially in older women. Will I have cataracts in 10 years?

Cheesecake For Breakfast

2012-02-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

Monday April 27, 1992

I slept very well last night. My body ached alot less. I have cheesecake for breakfast. What a treat! Once cleaned up and the laundry half done, I'm off to get my nails done. I'm a bit tired and my voice is hoarse. I feel like I have a cold. Some coughing. The cough started 2 nights ago. I hope this won't be a big deal. I had wanted to go with Frank tomorrow. He must leave at 8 a.m. to take his mom for cataract surgery in Los Angeles. Maybe I should sleep in and take care of my cold.

After more ham and cheesecake dinner we decide not to go square dancing. I should rest my cold.

I Couldn't Possibly Do It Without Frank

2012-02-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

Sunday April 26, 1992

Bad night. Didn't sleep well thanks to aches and pains all over my body. I'm so out of shape it's pitiful. Just a bit more to do and we're ready for company. A last minutes trip to the market and our company, Bucky and Iny and Gene & Cathy arrive on time at 2 p.m. We spend the afternoon on the patio. The yard looks so beautiful! The ham dinner is ready at 6 p.m. and we have a lovely dinner and lovely time at our dining room table.

With Frank's help the day and the dinner turn out perfect. I couldn't possibly do it without him. I'm tired but happy when we settle down alone about 9 p.m.

Bucky is her cousin that she and Frank just visited a few weeks before in Florida and Iny is his wife. Mom's brother Gene and his wife Cathy from Pasadena came to visit them as well. I'm sure the weather was beautiful at the end of April and everything was blooming in their yard. They had a huge backyard that was beautifullly landscaped. It was the location of many parties, family reunions and even weddings.

Spring Cleaning

2012-02-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

Saturday April 25, 1992

Up and at em! Last full day to get the house and yard clean for spring and company tomorrow. Frank works at the rental house. I still have a fair amount of energy but my back is really hurting. I try to ignore it and keep on working but finally I'm forced to lie down for 2-3 minutes. that helps alot.

I made cupcakes to take square dancing tonight. I'm not sure I have any energy left but we go anyway in our new blue outfits we bought in Bakersfield. I do fine, dance every dance. We handle the drawing for 50-50 dollars. I'm really tired when 11 p.m. comes along.

Wow, is that what she calls a rest? 2-3 minutes? Mom always kept the house immaculate and fortunately Frank supported her in that. I can just imagine her running around making sure everything is in it's place before company arrives. I would love to keep an immaculate house, but the other 3 members of my family love CLUTTER, so I can choose to live with it or choose to be stressed out about it. I vacillate between the two, depending on whether company is coming.

Chris Is Still Too Sick To Go Back To Work

2012-02-03T16:32:00.000-08:00

Friday April 24, 1992

Awake at 7:30 feeling good! Frank works in the yard some before going to Marvel house to work. I go get him at noon and we go to lunch at Carls Jr. That was nice. He goes back to work. I go shopping. At home later I continue to polish the house for company Sunday. In the morning I moved some more plants and things on the patio. The place is shaping up, spring cleaning and spring yard work.

Chris calls. She's not going back to work after all. She still has morning sickness. I'm exhausted by dinnertime, but after dinner I feel well enough to go out looking at tub enclosures for Marvel house.

We watch a touching interview program with Burt Reynolds, Dolly Parton, and other country singers (women) we like. I make cupcakes for the dance tomorrow night.

Well, it wasn't exactly morning sickness, although it was worse in the morning. It was more like round-the-clock severe nausea. I would not return to work after my appendectomy but would be on disability until after the baby was born.

Poor Frank. He's either working at his own house, or working on the rental houses. Sounds like my retirement years. Ric is always working on some kind of repair at one of our 9 rental houses or the 6 we manage for his mother, or we are dealing with an eviction or trying to rent a house. As I write this Ric is working on a duplex in Sacramento that was left filthy by our tenant after he was evicted. It looks like he never once cleaned in the 8 years he lived there. Ric could not bear to sleep there it stunk so bad. Next week we go to court on an eviction proceeding in our town of Windsor, and for the past month I have been trying to rent out one of our houses. I have taken 25 or more calls and shown it 20 times, but it still sits vacant. With most or all of our equity lost in the real estate crash, we are unable to sell any of our properties, so we are stuck being landlords for several more years. Not the leisurely retirement most of us envision!

I Believe in Miracles

2012-02-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

Thursday April 23, 1992

Another great energy day! Hal calls to say they took the tube out of Joan's throat so I can call her. I call her right away and we have a good talk. Her voice is hoarse from the tube. I encourage her to quit working. She was to retire in June anyway. She's not sure what she wants to do with her last year. I tell her to do whatever she wants to do without hesitation. That's what we've been doing.

Then I said, "I'm not giving up on you. I believe in miracles and if you believe, really stay optimistic, there is always hope. It's not over til it's over. I am praying every day for you and for me as well as others." She said she's sorry I have cancer too but it makes her feel we have a common bond.

We go to dinner at Steer & Stein and have a great steak dinner.

The pastor of my church just finished a series of sermons called Come & See, Come & Grow, Come & Serve. As Mom writes this entry, I am reminded of pastor's question "Are You A Gepper?" at week 3 Come & Serve. One of the ways we can serve God is to be a "Gepper":

G = GREET everyone who comes within 10 feet of you. Make eye contact, say hello, and touch gently on the arm or shoulder. Mom called our neighbor Joan in the hospital to greet her as soon as Joan was able to talk on the phone. She didn't wait until it was more convenient.

E = ENCOURAGE that person in whatever they are going through. Mom was a great encourager to Joan who was also battling cancer and was given just one year to live. She inspired her with her words, her actions and her attitude. She encouraged her to quit her job and live out the rest of her life, however long she had, doing whatever she loved doing the most.

P = PRAY for the person. Mom told Joan she was praying for her every day. Even better would be to pray for her right there on the phone.

I Love A Circus

2012-02-01T17:17:00.000-08:00

Wednesday April 22, 1992

I call Maria at work to ask them out to dinner at El Torito. She says the Circus Vargas is in town tonight and tomorrow. I get excited. I love a circus and insist we go tonight. Later Gary agrees to go and at 7:00 they arrive at our house. Gary drives. It's a fun circus.

As we leave I ask Frank what time is it? He says 9:50. When we turn on the TV at 10 p.m. news we learn there was an earthquake at 9:50, centered in Desert Hot Springs. It's a 6.1 so should be some damage. I try to call Mom but lines are down.

At 8 a.m. Thursday I begin again. I finally get through to Mom at 1:30 p.m. She's fine. Hardly felt it, just a little damage. No big deal for her.

It sounds like Mom had a premonition about the earthquake, as it would be impossible for her to actually feel it from hundreds of miles away. Her mother though lived right at the epicenter. Grandma Helen lived in a mobile home, so there could have been substantial damage with alot of shaking. 6.1 is a pretty large quake.

A Really Good Day

2012-02-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

Tuesday April 21, 1992

Awoke feeling great! A really good day. I begin to think about the dinner on Sunday and go shopping for some of the foods. I begin some house cleaning.

Frank is working at the Marvel house every day from 9-5. He comes home for lunch. I try to make a nice lunch each day. We wpend a quiet evening at home.

Alkeran

2012-02-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Monday April 20, 1992

Awoke at 4 a.m. feeling sickly hungry. At 7 a.m. it had turned to nausea so I took a Compazine. Frank brought me a banana and the trash can to throw up in. About 9 a.m. I began retching and after giving up some bile I felt well enough to go down and drink some orange juice with a toasted muffin. Frank is working on the rental house. By 10:30 I was sick again so just continued to stay in bed. At noon Frank came home for lunch. He fixed a frozen entree for me of noodles, gravy and meatballs. After eating that I began to feel much better.

Was it the medicine that made me sick?? The "Alkeran" I take for 5 days every 6 weeks?

I'm well enough to go square dancing and dance every dance, but we come home after instead of going to Hudson's Grill.

Thank God for the internet. Mom did not have access to so much information that is now at the tip of our fingers. But didn't her doctor tell her about the side effects of Alkeran? A quick check of the website WebMD states the side effects of this medication which is used to treat cancer patients as follows:

"Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, lip/mouth sores, and loss of appetite may occur. Nausea and vomiting can be severe."

At least the doctor did give her Compazine which is supposed to help relieve nausea for cancer patients. I remember my doctor prescribing it to me for my pregnancy nausea and it didn't do a thing for me.

Easter Sunday!

2012-01-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

Sunday April 19, 1992 (Easter Sunday!)

Determined to attend the Easter church service I felt pretty good this morning except for awful sweating that went on for over an hour. Hard to put makeup on. The old pretty dress fit fine but the belt was too small by 4". No belt today.

I love the service, especially the songs. There are words spoken that make me cry. They pertain to me. Frank is wonderful. He would rather have gone to Catholic Mass today for a change but the decision was left to me. We should go to mass next week if possible.

After church a lovely lunch at Marie Callendars, then to Gary's about 2 p.m. I help Maria get a turkey into the oven. Her first. We have a lovely day in the pool and spa. It's 88 degrees. Wonderful day and dinner. We brought rolls and strawberry pie. After dinner we take a neat walk in the hills down the street and get to our home about 9 p.m.

I'm so glad that my brother lived close by when he and Maria bought their house. I regret that I moved so far away in 1974 after graduating from college. If I had known my time with Mom would be limited I might have chosen to live closer in order to spend more time with her.

Mom placed the program for the Easter service at United Methodist Church in Simi Valley into today's journal entry. Two sections of the program have ** next to them. These must be the words that really spoke to her and made her cry:

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
Here we are through Lent, God.
It's Easter,..
but that's not how I act.
I act as if
"Well, that's over for another year!"
God, help me to rejoice and be glad;
To feel the reality and wonder of the resurrection
with my whole being;
to be able to mean "Hallelujah!"
as I mean my shouts of joy.

and then...

Surely, it is God who saves me;
I will trust in Him and not be afraid
for the Lord is my stronghold and my sure defense,
and He will be my Savior.

Perhaps Mom was thinking that modern medicine could do wonders, but only God can save her. She will not be afraid of death, for Jesus died to save her from sin, and give her eternal life in Heaven.

Tayler Rae's First Birthday Party

2012-01-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

Frank leaves at 8 a.m. to pick up his folks and meet me at Gary's old house in Mission Hills at 10 a.m. to arrive at Paul and Judy's at 11 a.m. for Tayler Rae's first birthday party. I have a hard time getting ready as I'm nauseous this morning. I have to keep lying down. I'm afraid I should call Frank's folks house to say I'm too sick to go. But I hate to upset everyone there by not showing up. I keep trying and finally about 9:45 I'm fine. I took a nausea pill.

We have a lovely time with all the family. Tayler is perfect! We stop in Mission Hills for dinner with Mom and Dad, then we drive them home. On our way home I must stop to see Joan Larson. It's 8 p.m. but I must. They (she especially) are so glad to see us. Her cancer (liver) surgery is next Tuesday. I pray for her daily.

OK, so obviously Tayler is not one-year old in this photo, but it's the only photograph I could find of her. It looks like she is 7 or 8 here in this photo with her parents Paul (Frank's youngest son) and Judy and her younger brother Nick.

Mom was a great source of support for Joan Larson as they battled their cancers together. Joan lived across the street from our family when we lived in the Lemona house from 1954-1974 or so.

I'm So Tired All The Time

2012-01-28T14:53:00.000-08:00

Friday April 17, 1992

I spend the day at home and run some errands. Frank works in the yard at the rental house and comes home worn out. We have a lovely dinner and relax at home. I make some phone calls. I'm so tired all the time. I'd probably feel better if I just forced myself to get out and walk and exercise with a video. My weight and the medicine saps all my energy. The iron pills (vitamins) I started taking on the cruise have really helped the dark circles under my eyes. Dr. Schwartz says I'm not anemic but I doubt him. He says it's OK to try Weight Watchers to lose some weight. I hope to start next week.

I agree that Mom would feel better if she forced herself to get out and walk. I try to get in an hour of exercise everyday, even if it's just a walk around town. It gives me more energy for the rest of the day. She already has a walking partner since Frank is walking 3-4 miles every day. Maybe she could start out walking just 1 mile or even 1/2 mile with Frank. Exercise would not only lift her mood and burn calories, but it would strengthen her immunity in order to battle the cancer cells in her body.

I Hate My Body

2012-01-26T17:12:00.000-08:00

Thursday April 16, 1992

Even though I took my anti-nausea medicine every 4 hours since bedtime, I awake nauseous, but I don't throw up. I'm too ill to get up 'til 10:30 a.m. Frank brings me toast and orange juice in bed. After my shower I feel pretty good.

I have gained 38 pounds since April. I hate my body. It looks horrible. I need to lose 54 pounds to get to my normal weight and what I weighed when we married 10 years ago. My silent migraine headaches seem to have run their course. I haven't had one in a few weeks. Thank God!

After lunch we go to the Marvel house to take an inventory of what needs to be done. We call the ex-tenant to meet us to discuss the damages. We meet there.

I eat a normal dinner and watch TV. Chris calls to say the test says she does not have diabetes after all. Thank God!

Considering this journal entry was written on April 16, I hope she means she gained 38 pounds in the last year, and not in the last 16 days! Still, even to gain that much in one year is alot. Of course 10 of it was gained on the Caribbean cruise last week. I think that must be very hard on the body to gain alot of weight quickly. Maybe I will avoid going on a cruise after all!

Treadmill Test

2012-01-26T16:56:00.000-08:00

Wednesday April 15, 1992

Income Tax Filing Day.

We're up and off to Kaiser Woodland Hills, no breakfast for me. I'm having a treadmill test. I didn't sleep well from 4 a.m. Don't know why. Maybe concern about the treadmill test. I pass the test great! No clogged arteries so my chest pain is not my heart. Last night after climbing the stairs and putting on my gown my upper chest, shoulders and arms to the elbow tightened in pain. I layed down, Frank got my nitroglycerin, I put one under my tongue and in about 5 minutes it was over.

Next I saw Dr. Swartz. He checked all my lymph nodes. Though my white blood count was only 2.9 he decided to give me "5 FU" chemo injection. Normal is 10. I must really be careful not to get germs from anyone. My resistance is soooo low.

We go out to lunch, go to Costco, bank, etc and Marvel house. They finished moving out today finally.

We have dinner, I make some phone calls and fall asleep on the couch about 9 p.m.

I have never had a treadmill test, but I imagine I would be a little nervous about it too and perhaps lose some sleep. I'm surprised she was not supposed to have breakfast before the test. It sure does sound like her symptoms just the night before were heart disease of some kind. I wonder if having a low white cell count would account for her fatigue or perhaps even her chest pains?

I had to laugh out loud when Mom says she has to avoid getting germs from anyone because of low resistance and then goes right out to run errands around town. Does she think that anyone with germs will be home in bed?

Praying for Chris

2012-01-26T10:37:00.000-08:00

Tuesday April 14, 1992

I wake about 6 a.m. but force myself back to sleep until 8 a.m. At 8:30 Frank takes off to walk to his carving class at the senior center. I spend the morning finishing the huge wash I started yesterday. Then I change my clothes, bringing my summer clothes into our closet. My left foot heel still has the same pain in the bone since we went to Florida.

Chris called last night. They now think she is diabetic. She knows now her blood pressure was 80/0 when she had her heart problem. She's worried about damage to the baby at that time. The diabetes could cause complications too. She's still sick everyday and must go back to work on 2 days and doesn't know how. I said we must continue to pray for her health and for a healthy baby. I pray daily for her and others. Please God give her a normal healthy baby and restore Chris' health.

A few months before my appendectomy I had to visit the emergency room at Memorial Hospital in Santa Rosa due to my racing heart (tachycardia) that refused to slow down. They checked my blood pressure at that time and it was 80/0. My pulse was 180 beats per minute, about 3 times faster than normal. I was very uncomfortable and was sweating profusely. I had these episodes several times per year since I was a little girl, but had learned how to slow down my racing heart. I was told by my doctor that during pregnancy the volume of blood increases dramatically in the mother, putting more stress on the heart. I was no longer able to get my heart to slow down when it was racing. The resulting low blood pressure was indeed dangerous to the baby. Before I got pregnant with my last child, Ryan, I had heart surgery in San Jose to burn (called "Ablation") the portion of my heart that had an electrical malfunction. Amazingly, when Ryan was born the following year (1995) he too had a heart issue and had heart surgery when he was 5 years old. So six months into my pregnancy I had already experienced heart problems, appendicitis, possible diabetes, and the neverending nausea and vomiting that kept me bedridden much of the day. Maybe that is why they suspected diabetes. My diet consisted of a box of soda crackers everyday along with 7-Up! I couldn't keep much of anything else down.

Belgian Waffles, Chili Dog & Pizza

2012-01-25T15:20:00.000-08:00

Monday April 13, 1992

We are both awake at 5:00 a.m. (8 a.m. Miami time). After messing around awhile we decide to get up and go out to breakfast at Eggs & Things for the early bird special. It's great! Belgian waffles.

At home I clean up myself, Frank vacuums the house. It's lousy with cat hair and Smokey has peed on the couch and small segments of his poop here and there. Frank leaves to check out the empty Marvel house here in Simi and then he'll go help Gary. I go to get my nails done. Afterwards, I have a chili dog.

We order pizza in. At 7:30 we leave to go square dancing. We have a really good time. I'm surprised I don't tire at all, and I don't sweat too bad but I do blot alot between tips. Everyone is sooo glad to see us back. Afterward, we go to Hudsons Grill with Judy and Dave Dowd.

Wow, just back from a fattening cruise where she gained 10 pounds, and instead of going grocery shopping for some nutritious low-calories foods she can prepare at home, she goes out for Belgian waffles for breakfast, chili dog for lunch, and pizza for dinner. Then to top it off, they go out to a restaurant with friends after square dancing. I'm not as concerned about the calories as I am about the nutrition, or lack of it. Mom is battling cancer. She needs to give her body good fuel.

I remember how annoyed Mom and Frank would get with their cat Smokey. Whenever they left him home alone, he would "punish" them by peeing on the couch and pooping on the carpet instead of using his litter box

This webpage has a feature that shows how many people have looked at my blog. Over the last week I have watched the number approach 12,000, and today as I write, I have had 12,007 "hits" on my blog. It's exciting to know that someone is reading it, and I hope enjoying it half as much as I enjoy writing it. My blog is a tribute to my mother as well as a legacy of her life and mine I leave to my children.

Miami Trolley Tour

2012-01-24T16:41:00.000-08:00

Sunday April 12, 1992

Alarm goes off at 6:45. We must be out of this room by 8:30 a.m. We are the first to leave the ship because we are taking the Miami Trolley Tour. Customs is a joke. We walk right through. It's raining on the tour but warm. It lasts about 90 minutes. I'm so sleepy trying to stay awake I don't hear or enoy all the information. They drop us at the airport where we have a 2-hour 20 minute wait. Once on the plane, I go right to sleep for 1/2 hour. After that I feel great! Five hours later we say goodbye to McKees. We stop at Gary's new house in Simi on the way home. They moved yesterday and have all the important things in place. They had lots of people and trucks help them move so it went quickly.

At home we unload but don't unpack. We check the mail, etc and go to bed at 1 a.m. Miami time. Not tired at all. It's so good to be home!

Even though Mom and Frank seemed to enjoy the beginning of their trip to the Florida Keys, it seems like she was exhausted for most of the trip and just anxious to get home. I think she was suffering from jet lag, and this was compounded by taking Meclizine for seasickness, which also causes fatigue. Knowing that I suffer from jet lag when travelling from west to east I would have to plan ahead and arrive early if I were to ever go on a Caribbean cruise. From Mom's description of the cruise, it doesn't sound that appealing anyway. I think if we do take a cruise someday, it will probably be to Alaska, and only to see Glacier Bay.

Lobster and Baked Alaska

2012-01-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

Saturday April 11, 1992

I awake. Frank is up. It's 8 a.m. I feel I could sleep 2 more hours but I get up. Frank goes to breakfast at The Red Apple and later brings me ham, bacon, eggs, OJ, rolls and juice, plus banana and grapefuit. No help on eating light from Frank. Frank takes his usual 3-4 mile walk and we meet in the Cabaret Lounge for debarkation talk and stay for Bingo. Then we go to lunch.

In our cabin I write in the journal and then head up to do some sunbathing even though I'm not supposed to sunbathe. I get a little red in a short time. I have 6 attacks of chest pain in the afternoon. Aches alot 1-2 minutes.

Frank has held his weight. I feel and look 10 pounds heavier. Lobster and baked Alaska for dinner. The dance and song review is great at 9:15. We're packed and ready to go home and looking forward to it.

With 3 huge meals per day, including this night's lobster and baked Alaska, no wonder Mom gained 10 pounds. From what I have heard about cruising, that is actually a typical weight gain. Kudos to Frank for keeping up with his 3-4 mile walks. Assuming they were on the Norwegian Pearl, the length of the ship was 965 feet, so he could easily get his miles in on the deck or on a treadmill. Assuming the deck is not too crowded, I would much rather walk outside and enjoy the view.

Cozumel

2012-01-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

Friday April 10, 1992

We dock in Cozumel about 9 a.m. I sleep til 9:30. Frank brings me my breakfast in the room. We go ashore after lunch to shop. We share a cab with Bob and Anita for $3.00. We find a couple of cute dresses for Sara and one for Taylor. A Mexican blouse for me.

We are back on board for dinner at 6 p.m. Allen and Ida never seem to like what they order and order something else. The waiter puts their dinner in the garbage box. I'm very tired from shopping so after dinner we go ashore for a little more shopping, then up to Oscar's bar where Frank has a cappuccino coffee. We're in bed by 11:30.

What? They didn't even bother to see the sights at either Grand Cayman or Cozumel. If I hired a taxi I would have him drive me around to show me the beaches and the Mayan ruins. Maybe they had already been to the Western Carribean? I definitely would not have spent my time shopping at the numerous souvenir shops near the cruise ship ports. When we visited Alaska in 2001 we would leave town whent he cruise ships came in because thousands of tourist would inundate the areas near the ports. I guess that's why we have never tried a cruise. Too many crowds!

Sounds like Mom got to sleep in after their late night. Too bad they were stuck with such finicky travellers at their dining table.

Grand Cayman Island on Chris' Birthday

2012-01-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

Thursday April 9, 1992

Chris' birthday! We are in Grand Cayman Island today so I call her to wish her Happy Birthday. She's very surprised!

Frank and I decide to skip the few tours offered and instead spend a few hours shopping. We buy perfume and tableclothes at great prices. Bob and Anita have gone on a van tour to the turtle farm. We spend time in our bathing suits at the pool and get quite a bit of color. I'm feeling full of energy today. Maybe my new iron pills are starting to work.

We stay up for the grand buffet at midnight. We go dancing and fall in bed about 1:30 a.m. Dinner is duck and fish. Show is lead singer from Jefferson Starship and Airplane, Marty Balin. We really enjoy that.

Trouble sleeping--too full--take pill.

This is the era before cellphones, so Mom must have gone through some trouble and expense to call me on my birthday. So thoughtful! With all that activity and excitement until the wee hours of the morning I would have a hard time winding down too. Xanax works for me every time. I wonder how she'll be feeling in the morning.

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

2012-01-21T16:50:00.000-08:00

Wednesday April 8, 1992

Alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. We leave on our tour to the waterfall at 8:30. I have breakfast in our room. We are in Ocho Rios, Jamaica today. We are in a nice air conditioned van with 8 others. It's hot and humid outside. Our driver takes us to the rain forest past alot of poverty. The forest is beautiful. Next stop is a lovely garden, Shaw Gardens. We take lots of pictures.

Our next stop is shopping in 2 malls. Too many street vendors and pushy vendors. I don't like it. We buy nothing. Last stop is the fabulous waterfall you can climb, Dunn's Falls. Too much for us to climb but we watch and take pictures. We are back on board for lunch. We relax the rest of the day. We watch a movie in our room and nap.

Show tonight is Grease. Great, but I leave a little before it's over. I'm too tired--bed.

Ric and I visited Jamaica in 1989, 3 years before Mom and Frank stopped there this day. I am in total agreement with her impression. It was extremely hot and humid (we were there in November.) The poverty was very depressing. Ric and I stayed in Montego Bay where our resort was surrounded by chain link fence to keep the locals out. It sounds like the driver of Mom and Frank's van was sane, but Ric and I took "public transportation" one day from Montego Bay to Ocho Rios to see Dunn's Falls, and were shocked to find out that public transportation consisted of 16-20 passengers stuffed into a VW van while the driver weaved in and out of traffic at high speed. For the "privilege" of being in the front seat we had to pay extra for this experience, but we did not know this until we arrived in Ocho Rios! We also visited the marketplace in Ocho Rios, where vendors shouted and grabbed at us for our attention, and several women even grabbed my hair to try to get me to pay for having my hair braided in dreadlocks. It was creepy. Also, every block or so someone would try to get us to buy marijuana, which is legal there. We went to Dunns Falls, which was beautiful, and we joined a group from a cruise ship who were hiking up the falls, just like the group pictured above. At the end of the hike we got someone to take a picture of us at the falls. The photo below was taken of Ric and I at the Falls in 1989.

Meclizine

2012-01-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

Tuesday April 7, 1992

Up at 7:45 a.m. feeling good. My wrist has stopped bothering me, pain only when I move it certains ways. We have breakfast on the upper deck at 9:15. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, danish, grapefruit, orange juice. We attend the talk on Ocho Rios, Jamaica, where we'll be tomorrow. Today is a day at sea.

We do some sunbathing and watch the ice carving. The seasick pills are working great! Called "Meclizine".

We have our lunch at the new table they assigned us to. It's a table for 6. The couple from Anaheim, Allen and Ida are nice, our age. Dinner is island dress, escargot, onion soup, beef. All wonderful. We go to the Roaring 20s show and dance later.

I had a nap so feel real good tonight. Can't stay up late cause we must get up early.

No wonder Mom was tired! I suffered from vertigo for several days a few months ago, and took Meclizine to treat it. It definitely helped the vertigo, but it also knocked me out cold. Within 20 minutes of taking a pill, I was sound asleep every time!

Great Stirrup Cay, Bahamas

2012-01-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

Monday April 6, 1992

First full day afloat. We are at Pleasure Island but the seas are very rough so they use the landing craft boat to tender the people to the island for a day of sun and swim. We decide not to go. We enjoy roaming the ship and watch a movie in our room. I nap alot. We have a great casual lunch. Dinner is a wonderful game hen, plus, plus...

The show tonight is Broadway musical songs. Very good cast and good voices. I'm tired. We retire at 10:30 and go to sleep at 11:30.

After much research looking for a place called Pleasure Island, I finally realized the this stop was at a private island owned by Norwegian Cruise Lines called Great Stirrup Cay in the Bahamas. It was the first "private" island purchased by a cruise line in 1977. After studying the map of this island which is 1-1/2 miles wide and 2-1/2 miles long, I think it looks like alot of fun. Too bad Mom was too tired to see it. Maybe that's why she didn't bother to find out what it was actually called. Or perhaps 20 years ago, it really was called 'Pleasure Island."

We Board The Ship

2012-01-21T15:34:00.000-08:00

Sunday April 5, 1992

We're up about 8 a.m. in our room at the Omni Hotel in Miami, Fl. Frank goes to Burger King and brings back breakfast for me. We wander around and do some shopping before leaving on the bus at 1 p.m. and arrive at the ship at 1:20. I'm feeling tired but OK. We enjoyed the Keys so much. I wonder if the cruise will seem anticlimactic. Bobbie and Anita are so excited it catches on.

We have our luggage and are settled in our tiny cabin with the big square window by 2:30-3 p.m. We stroll around with Bob and Anita to check out the ship. Lunch and dinner are swell and the evening show is get acquainted.

I checked the Norwegian Cruise Line's itineraries for the Carribean cruises from Miami and it looks like they were on the Western Caribbean cruise with stops at Great Stirrup Cay, Bahamas, Ocho Rios, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel. 20 years later the cruise ship "Pearl" travels this route. It's oceanview rooms have 161 square feet. Their tiny room is pictured above. The Norwegian Pearl is pictured below.

Bob and Anita Arrive in Miami

2012-01-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Saturday April 4, 1992

We are up early and ready to leave Bucky and Iny's in Key Summerland, Florida at 8 a.m. We take some pictures of their house and we're on our way to Miami via the coast route. It's a beautiful drive past lovely big estate homes and towns.

After we check into the Omni Hotel we head for the airport where we pick up Bobbie and Anita McKee arriving from Los Angeles. They are tired and excited. Frank drives us all to the hotel, then he and Bobbie take the car back to the airport and catch a NCL bus back.

We have a Chinese dinner in the mall below our hotel. It's really good and plenty. We turn in about 10:30. I'm tired but feeling good. My left heel, outside, has developed since we left home a sharp pain. Feels like it's in the bone.

It sounds like Bob and Anita were smart enough not to take the red eye flight from Los Angeles, so had a good night's sleep before boarding their plane in Los Angeles.

When I hear Mom talking about taking pictures, it breaks my heart. Frank threw away thousand of photos that Mom took during their 20 years together when he remarried and moved from Simi Valley. I would have loved to see the photos of her cousin Bucky and his wife and also of their trip to Florida and the Caribbean. Sigh....

Ernest Hemingway's House

2012-01-18T17:26:00.000-08:00

Friday April 3, 1992

Another wonderful night's rest. Awoke with my legs a little sore, especially my knees, probably from climbing in and out of the van yesterday. At 10 a.m. Bucky and Iny drive us to the Key deer reserve on Big Pine Key about 15 minutes from their home. We saw quite a few deer. They are very small, about the size of Daisy, our dog. We stopped at Blue Hole, a lagoon where there are alligators. We saw three alligators.

Frank and I drove to Key West where we toured Hemmingway's house. There were 51 cats laying around of all colors. We had lunch at Sloppy Joe's where Hemmingway used to hang out. We toured the hand-printed fabric factory and Mel Fisher Museum of treasures from sunken ships.

We returned for a great shrimp dinner at Bucky's. They had caught the shrimp in the gulf near here.

Wow, this is a busy day for them. Tiny deer, alligators, and cats! From the pictures I saw on-line of Hemingway's house it looks beautiful, but not sure I would like the idea of tip-toeing around 51 cats. Sounds like they have taken over the place!

Key West

2012-01-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

Thursday April 2, 1992

Slept wonderfully well with the door closed, fan on low and a sheet and blanket over us. I did alot of sweating while getting ready but no more than at home. The day temp is 70 degrees and 60 at night. Very comfortable for me who cannot tolerate heat and humidity. By 10 a.m. we're all on our way to Key West In Bucky's Astro van. He and Iny do a wonderful job of showing us all of Key West. It's a wonderful place, alot like Hawaii.

We have a great dolphin sandwich with conch fritters and squid rings as appetizers. We saw Hemmingway's house and Tennessee Williams' home. For dinner we had Cuban food. The only thing familiar was the pork roast. Fried bananas (Petina), yellow rice, black beans, yucca (like potatoes) and Cuban tamales.

We walked on the beach, took a walk through a natural park, and finally arrived home at 10 p.m., feeling good. My cold is just a cough now. No more sore throat.

Sounds like Mom and Frank are not suffering from jet lag at all, and had a great day exploring Key West. For the first time in 20 years, Ric and I visited Hawaii last year and I had the worst jet lag after coming home, flying from west to east. The opposite direction was no problem, but losing 3 hours on the flight home seemed to make it worse when back in California. What a wonderful host Mom's cousin Bucky was, and what an adventure to explore the local cuisine!

The Florida Keys

2012-01-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

Wednesday April 1, 1992

Landed in Miami 6:30 a.m. very tired. Slept very little sitting up on the plane. Four-hour flight, maybe slept one hour. We pick up our rental car and have breakfast at Denny's. The car has a broken tail light so we go back to get another car. The 3-hour drive south through the Florida Keys is very pleasant but I cannot stay awake. I sleep off and on all the way. About 10:30 Frank finally pulls off to nap a bit. We both sleep soundly. We arrive at Bucky and Inys after lunch at 1 p.m. Their home is lovely. They have a canal at the back of their home where their boat is docked. They have 3 bedrooms upstairs. We sleep downstairs in a bedroom with bath, TV, phone. Nice.

We have a fabulous lobster tail dinner, 7 of them--huge! They catch them near here. We go to bed early.

My cold is pretty good except sore throat.

Wow, only 4 hours from Los Angeles to Miami? That's a quick flight. As I suspected yesterday, Mom and Frank were not able to sleep on the plane. One thing she was always able to do though, was sleep in the car. I can remember so many times I would be in the back seat, and Mom was a passenger in the front seat with Frank driving. She would be talking away, when suddenly it would get quiet. I would look over the top of the seat and she was sleeping. Still, I am surprised that they were able to sleep soundly in the car (on the side of the road?) to take a nap. Otherwise, I'm sure they would not have been good company when they arrived at her cousin Bucky's. That lobster dinner sounds fabulous. It sounds like a beautiful place to live. That is one place I would like to visit before I die, but it would have to be in the winter. The furthest south I have been on the east coast was Virginia, and it was stifling hot there in July. Florida would be much worse with the humidity and heat.

We Leave For Our Trip

2012-01-15T18:01:00.000-08:00

Tuesday March 31, 1992

We're up and off to Kaiser for my chemo appointment at 10:30 a.m. I don't think they'll give it to me because my white blood count is so low. I Ask Dr. Swartz to give me a thyroid blood test. That could be causing my heating up. I'm right, 2.5 blood count is too low for chemo. I'm glad. I think I'll enjoy our trip more. I'm feeling alot better from my cold and flu.

We go right home and begin to pack for our trip. It takes most of the day. Gary calls and we meet him at his new house in Simi for a walk-through. He'll move in in a week or so. From there we leave for our trip to catch the fly-away bus in Van Nuys. We stop to see Marty and Kathy for an hour. Our plane is late taking off because they had to change planes at the last minute.

Wow, I wonder how her body managed to beat back a cold with such a low white blood cell count? Glad she's feeling better for her trip, but taking the "red eye" flight is only going to weaken her immune system. If she's anything like me, she won't be able to sleep on the plane.

Feeling Pretty Good

2012-01-15T17:46:00.001-08:00
Monday March 30, 1992

Awake at 7:20 feeling pretty good. No ache all over. Little cough and running nose. Tired and hard to get going but manage to ge to my nail appointment at 10:45. Afterward I have a chili dog, bank, and shop an hour or so. Arrive home at 2 p.m. still feeling pretty good.

I feel so good I think I will square dance tonight but after dinner I realize I'm done for the day. We stay home.

Packing For Our Trip

2012-01-14T20:31:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 29, 1992

Up at 8:30, fix us some french toast, but then go back to bed, very tired for another hour or so.

By noon I'm feeling pretty good. Manage to keep busy all day getting clothes ready for our trip.

We have a nice pot roast dinner, watch TV and bed at 11:15.

The Sweating Is Getting Worse

2012-01-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

Saturday March 28, 1992

Frank leaves at 7:15 to pick up his folks to take them to Cal Mesa to meet with the family regarding Uncle Ricky's funeral. I'm still too sick to travel all day. I sleep and relax in bed until 11 a.m. I am slow all day but do manage to get the bills paid. I spend much of the day on the couch. Frank is home about 4:30. We order in pizza.

The heavy sweating continues. I hate it! I have found that after my shower if I lay down the sweating subsides, but when I sit back up it begins again. My hair stays so wet I can't work with it. Maybe it is my thyroid. It's definitely getting worse.

Frank takes the bulletin board to our square dance and then returns home.

I guess a blow dryer would definitely be out of the question!

Now I'm Sick From the Codeine

2012-01-14T20:07:00.000-08:00

Friday March 27, 1992

Awake at 4:15 a.m. aching all over. Unable to get back to sleep I take 2 Tylenol. Fifteen minutes later still awake, I decide to take a teaspoon of cough medicine with codeine. I rest with less pain but not deep sleep. At 6:45 I get up, dress and go downstairs. I am light-headed so eat some oatmeal and orange juice. Now I'm nauseous too. I remain too sick to get off the couch until noon. I am sick from the codeine. I forgot codeine makes me very ill. I manage to eat a good lunch but remain weak and light-headed.

At 3 p.m. Frank gives me a perm though I still feel awful. About 5 p.m. I feel well enough to sit and pay the bills.

God answered my prayer. My cold is gone when I wake up. The cough lingers.

Mom calls to say Frank's Uncle Ricky died this morning at 3:30. I'm so sorry.

I just hate that feeling of being sick and exhausted, and just when I need sleep the most, it eludes me, usually because of a nagging cough. Too bad the codeine made Mom feel even worse. Smelling perm solution for an hour or so while fighting off nausea sounds like a losing battle. Why did she decide to do it today?

I Now Have a Cold

2012-01-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

Thursday March 26, 1992

I slept well last night thanks to a codeine/Tylenol tablet. Upon waking I believe my body aches have subsided but I still have chest pain and cough. I'm weak and when I take my shower I get so hot and sweaty it takes 45 minutes to cool down enough to put make-up on. The sweat just streams from my hair and face.

At 2:00 I see a doctor in Simi clinic. She orders a chest X-ray, blood test and 2 EKGs one hour apart. She says I'm OK, but my blood (white cells) count is down to 2.5 when 5-10 is normal. She gives me codeine cough medicine and antibiotics as preventative. About 7 p.m. my nose starts to run like a faucet. I now have a cold! I pray for a healing so I can get ready for our trip on Tuesday.

Uncle Ricky isn't doing very well. I pray for his recovery if that be God's will.

Oh no, I imagine it's going to be hard for her body to fight off a cold when her white cell count is so low. I did a little research on the subject, and it turns out that chemotherapy is one of the causes of low white cell count, as is cancer, and as are viral infections. She's dealing with all of these at once. I hope Mom will just take a rest from her busy life.

Sweating for 45 minutes after a shower doesn't sounds normal. After all that sweating she probably wanted to take another shower. It doesn't appear to be a symptom of either cancer or chemotherapy, but could have been a menopausal symptom caused by her hysterectomy.

We Drive Home 10 Hours on Highway 101

2012-01-12T14:52:00.000-08:00

Wednesday March 25, 1992

I wake not feeling really great. Frank and I eat breakfast in the trailer and lightly clean up. I ache all over. Still coughing. By 8 a.m. we have said our good-byes to Chris, Justin and Ric. Chris doesn't want us to leave but we must go home to get ready for our cruise trip next week.

We drive home 10 hours on Highway 101 the coast. It's really lovely, green and flowers, but I'm feeling too ill to enjoy it. I sleep most of the way home. Poor Frank. I'm not much company. When we finally get home all I want to do is eat a little dinner and go to bed.

Ric was a poor host as usual. No coffee or food offered, but he did offer to make us 2 great tapes of music. Chris was a poor hostess, but loved having us there. She's still feeling tired and poorly.

Highway 101 down the California coast is the more scenic alternative to Interstate 5 down the central valley of California. Highway 101 rarely has ocean views until you get to Santa Barbara in Southern California, but does go through small towns and is prettier than I-5 which is straight, flat, and boring. It only takes 8 hours to get to Simi Valley on I-5 though, vs. 10 hours in Highway 101. That's a long tiring drive to pull a fifth wheel trailer. Frank must have been exhausted. It sounds like Mom's cough was taking a toll on her.

I'm certain I was not a good hostess and I'm surprised I even agreed to their visit, after just having my appendix removed a few weeks earlier, and having such horrible nausea still from my pregnancy. I was one of the rare percentage of women who suffers from nausea the whole 9 months. I was even throwing up on the delivery table! Talk about not being good company!

Shopping for Maternity Clothes

2012-01-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

Tuesday March 24, 1992

We believe Ric's mom is still in the condo so we eat our breakfast and shower in our trailer. Later we find out Ric's mom Carmen left at 6 a.m.

We go shopping at K-Mart and I buy Chris 2 maternity tops and one matching pants. That's her birthday gift as her birthday is April 9 while we're cruising.

I'm coughing today. Just a cough.

Frank and I drive Justin to his baseball practice in Windsor. He thinks we're great to stay and watch. We visit with John a bit. He's really glad to see us. He's retired now from Pacific Bell and planning to go into business for himself.

Frank and I buy food for dinner and fix it. A bit strange. Chris' friends stop by to meet us and check on Chris. They're nice.

As I said on yesterday's post, Carmen was and still is an early riser. She goes to bed early and is up and out the door to beat rush hour traffic through Marin County as she works at Kaiser in San Rafael.

That was nice of Mom and Frank to watch Justin's baseball practice. John, my ex, did indeed retire early from the phone company and had his own landscaping company for awhile. Now he sells trucks at a commercial dealership in Healdsburg.

Not sure why Mom and Frank prepared dinner or whether it was for all of us or not. What I do know is that at 5-1/2 months pregnant I was still suffering from severe nausea and just the sight of food would make me puke. I mostly got by on soda crackers and 7-Up during my pregnancy. I guess that's why I hadn't bothered to buy maternity clothes. I just didn't feel well enough to leave the house! Besides, I didn't need many clothes to lie in bed. I can't believe we actually shopped at K-Mart! How I detest that store! I cannot believe they are still in business with discount megastores like Walmart and Target attracting their customers.

The New House Under Construction

2012-01-07T17:04:00.000-08:00

Monday March 23, 1992

It was very painful getting out of bed to visit the bathroom during the night, but I slept very well from 10:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. I awoke in much less pain. So much better I didn't even think to take any pain relievers (Tylenol) all day. We hung out in the trailer in front of Chris' condo til 9 a.m. then went in to clean up. We relaxed until 3 p.m. when we all went to pick up Justin from school.

Ric then drove us to see the new house in Windsor under construction. It's very nice and what a beautiful view of trees, meadows and streams from the rear of the house.

Chris is feeling much better, looks good, and is quite large at 5-1/2 months pregnant. We eat lasagna at home. Frank is a "great" grandpa spending quality time with Justin and fixing his bike, etc. Ric's mom comes for dinner and stays all night.

Ric and I lived in my condo in Santa Rosa for 3 months while we refinanced it to pull money out for a down payment on our new house being built in Windsor. Most of our furniture went into storage during the 3 months while we lived in our temporary lodging. The house on Wellington in Windsor is pictured above and is taken right about this time, a little less than 2 months before we moved in. The beautiful view of open fields and huge oak trees behind the house is what attracted us to the house, as well as being a little larger than the house we had previously lived in for a little over a year. This house was also on Wellington, 1/2 block down the street.

Ric's Mom Carmen worked and lived in San Rafael, about 50 miles south of Windsor. She was an early riser, so when she would come to visit, she would usually spend the night on the couch and then leave early the next morning before rush hour to make the drive to her job as a nurse's aid at Kaiser Hospital in San Rafael.

Ye of Little Faith

2012-01-06T19:47:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 22, 1992

Up at 8 a.m. feeling mighty stiff and sore. My right knee really hurts and my hips too. But at 10 a.m. we are dancing with our club caller Dick Hodenfeld. Many of our club members had left for home. I felt like they were all running like scared rabbits because someone said there were wind advisories on the ridge route. "Ye of little faith." God would get them home safely if they had faith and asked Him. The dancing was schedule to 4 p.m. After one hour of dancing I could barely walk. My left knee is really wrecked. Maybe from wearing tennis shoes to dance to protect my feet.

By 12:30 we are on our way to Chris' in Santa Rosa, expecting rain and wind all the way. No wind, one hour of rain, we arrive tired at 9 p.m. My joints are so sore especially my thumbs. I can hardly walk.

Mom was generally a wise woman, but on this day it sounds like she could have used a big dose of common sense. The fact that some of the members of her club left early to get over Tejon Pass on Interstate 5 before the wind got too strong or possibly even caused a shutdown of the highway for tow vehicles, seems to me like a wise move. It's hard enough to tow an RV, without having to do it in the wind.

Also, she says that when she woke up at 8 a.m. her knee really hurts, and yet she was out dancing at 10 a.m. Why did she not listen to her body? Rest and ice were what was necessary. Instead, after one hour of dancing she could barely walk. At 8 a.m. it was her right knee bothering her and at 10 a.m. her left knee was wrecked. I supposed she was favoring her right knee and injured her left one. I'm not sure why her thumb would be hurting, unless she jammed it during the square dance maneuvers.

Potluck

2012-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Saturday March 21, 1992

Slept much better last night til 8 a.m. By 10 a.m. I have joined everyone outside at the picnic tables. That's always fun. I did alot of perspiring after my shower. Seemed like 1/2 hour cool down. We all walked and shopped some more, had leisurely lunch and by 2:30 we were dancing Plus level. We had great fun dancing with experienced dancers. At 4:30 we were getting ready for the potluck dinner. Harold brought a birthday cake for Joan. Our 5:30 potluck was great! No rain! Thank you God! Good food!

Back dancing by 8 p.m. til 10 p.m. Then to Harold's trailer for after-party birthday cake.

I wonder if Mom is talking about Joan Larson, our neighbor across the street from the Lemona house where I grew up, and her husband Hal. I suppose Hal could be short for Harold, but I did not know that they went square dancing. Joan Larson is the friend who found out March 12, 9 days earlier, that her cancer had returned.

Sounds like Mom better bring a fan next time they go camping in their fifth wheel!

More RVs Arrive

2012-01-05T19:59:00.000-08:00

Friday March 20, 1992

Awake at 7 a.m. aching and sore from laying in bed too long. Have breakfast and get showered in the trailer. Lots of perspiring after the shower. By 10 a.m. we were off walking and shopping. The rest of our group of 17 RVs began arriving at noon and by 6 p.m. they were all here. At 4 p.m. a group of 17 of us took off in the rain for dinner at a Basque restaurant. It was good food and great fun. When we returned we dressed and were square dancing by 8 p.m. By 10 p.m. my feet were aching and I was tired, but so were Frank and others so we called it a great night and headed into our RVs where we relaxed and watched some TV.

Wow, 17 RVs! That is a big group. The modern version of a circle of covered pioneer wagons, but so much more luxurious.

Bakersfield Square Dance Fiesta

2012-01-03T13:34:00.000-08:00

Thursday March 19, 1992

We're up and packed and ready to leave at 11 a.m. for our trailer trip to Bakersfield Square Dance Fiesta. We meet Robbie and Dolores for lunch at Bob's on Sepulveda where we pig out on fried chicken dinner. The trip is fine, 2-1/2 hours even though our speed dropped to 30 mph at times coming over the ridge route.

The Fiesta is held at the fairgrounds. We find a great camping area for our group. We rope off a large area for our group of 16 RVs. It should be great fun once everyone arrives by tomorrow night. We have 6 large tables for our Saturday night potluck. By 10 p.m. there are 4 RVs. We all go for a walk after our BBQ steak dinner outside.

We go to bed and watch TV about 10:30. It begins to rain at 4 a.m.

How well I remember the Bob's Big Boy Restaurant on Sepulveda Blvd in Mission Hills. It was my first experience with dining out. When my brother and I were very small we would go to the drive-in where we would all roll down our window to give our order to the waitress. My parents always had a Big Boy hamburger, my brother and I had a grilled cheese sandwich with fries and a cherry coke. The waitress brought each of us a tray that hooked onto the window opening. When my brother and I were much older we finally got to go inside the restaurant. What a treat! I remember the large green vinyl booth seating next to the counter where the cooks prepared the food. I remember how we each got a Big Boy comic book which we read cover to cover and then worked on the puzzles at the back. Finally, we colored the picture in the comic book with the box of crayons we were given by the waitress. It was a rare treat for us to go to a restaurant. Later when I was in high school, the Bob's Big Boy Restaurant in Panorama City on Van Nuys Blvd was our teen hangout after the football games.

The Bakersfield Fiesta still goes on every March at the Kern County Fairgrounds. For Mom and Frank, their square dancing club was about much more than dancing, although they did enjoy that. It was also a social club and a camping club. Several members had RVs and they would get together several times every year to camp together. 16 RVs is a big group!

The "ridge route" Mom refers to is the common nickname for Interstate 5 that connects Southern California with Northern California. Near Gormon is the Tejon Pass, which sometimes gets snow and wind. North of Gorman is a steep descent to the small town of Grapevine, basically a truck stop, and a few miles north, Highway 99 intersects Interstate 5 and heads for 30 miles towards Bakersfield.

Chemo #10

2012-01-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Wednesday March 18, 1992

Frank leaves at 7:30 to have breakfast in the valley with Robbie. I arise at 7:20 feeling pretty good. I always look like an "old lady" when I first get out of bed. I'm bent over and can hardly walk. Luckily, I look normal after 20-30 steps. I really hate for Frank to see this and usually wait til he is up and in the bathroom before I arise. It feels like I'm closing him out more and more. I can't bear him to see me deteriorating and getting fat. So I don't let him. He tries to understand but I think it hurts his feelings to be shut out.

I drive myself to get my chemo today for the first time. Frank has a meeting in L.A. this afternoon. Chemo injectino goes well and I go shopping. Once home we both hurry to get ready for a trip packing the trailer.

I can so relate to Mom's description of what she looks like getting out of bed. I look exactly the same. The only thing I can say is that it's worse the morningw after I don't get my 60 minutes of exercise in. My back is sore, I can't stand up straight and I shuffle to the bathroom like an old lady. At this point in her journal Mom is 57 years old and I am 58, so alot of her descriptions of aches and pains mimic my own, and they have nothing to do with the cancer.

Our Simi Valley Tenant Gives Notice

2012-01-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

Tuesday March 17, 1992

Frank leaves after breakfast to walk to his carving class which is 2-1/3 miles away. I feel more energetic today and change all the linens and do the wash. Later in the afternoon we go shopping. I buy some shoes for the cruise.

I get a call from our Simi Valley tenant. They are moving on April 1-6th. Not good news. We don't need a vacancy just now. Of course, there's never a good time. We'll be gone when they move so won't really know when they actually move out. We'll need to do alot of repair and cleaning. The hall ceiling must be repaired and who knows what else.

So besides being diligent about getting his walk in every day, Frank also has a hobby, which is carving and making things out of wood. Having friends, getting exercise, and having a hobby are all things that increase longevity. Frank is good at all of those.

I agree with Mom that there is never a good time for a vacancy in a rental house. We have a tenant who has given notice they are moving out this month after only staying 18 months. At the same time we are dealing with two evictions, including one that has to move this week in Sacramento. That house will require lots of work. It is one of the six houses we manage for Ric's mother. It's hard to work on a house when it is 100 miles away. It also makes it difficult to take vacations, especially longer than a week. Mom and Frank will be on a cruise when this tenant moves. I know the Simi Valley rental house was on Marvel, and although I only saw it once, I believe it was similar to the one pictured above.

Frank Is So Good!

2012-01-02T16:41:00.000-08:00

Monday March 16, 1992

I wake up tired after 8 hours of sleep. I have a hard time getting going. Frank is so good! He takes his 4 mile walk then picks up the trailer. Though still tired, I manage to get dressed and go to square dancing. I dance most of the dances, but do sit out a couple.

I have never square danced but I imagine it is pretty good exercise. The problem is that it does not keep the heart rate up for a continuous period of 30-60 minutes. I imagine there are breaks between the songs every 5 or 10 minutes. I think the reason Frank is so energetic is because of the 4-mile walks he takes every day. As I write this I have just come home from a 3-mile hike, which I take every day that I am not taking my water aerobics class. I try to get 60 minutes of good cardio exercise every day. This is my longevity program, as well as my plan to stay healthy and get some fresh air. I have a treadmill, but I rarely use it. I would much rather get out in the fresh air and sunshine. Sometimes my husband comes along but he insists on taking our two dogs, which means we have to stop at every bush and rock. What is normally a one-hour hike becomes a two-hour hike with the dogs, and my heart rate never does get elevated when I stop every few feet for them. My Great-Grandmother Johnson walked 2 miles every day of her life until she was 100 years old. I don't know if God will bless me with 100 years, but at least I hope to enjoy good health for the ones he does give me. Walking is great exercise and something most of us can do well into our senior years. I know for sure Frank is still walking at 76 years old, and square dancing too. He is so good!

We Enjoy Being With Gene & Cathy

2012-01-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 15, 1992

We're up and out by 10:30 on our way to Pasadena where we'll meet Gene and Cathy at the Doubletree Hotel for a travel show. We spend a couple of hours there, then go to lunch in "Old Town." We enjoy being with Gene and Cathy. We always have alot to talk about. After lunch we go to see Perry and Cathy and their new home addition. It's huge and lovely. It's not finished but soon.

We get home in time to eat dinner (pizza), get dressed, and go to Larry's square dance in Northridge with friends. Great fun! Then Bakers Square.

Mom's brother Gene Thomas was 6 years older than Mom, and they had different fathers, but in spite of the age difference, they were very close. Both Gene and his wife Cathy were attendants at my parents' wedding, and continued to be good friends with my dad after my parents divorce. They are good people, well into their 80s now, with lots of friends, and lots of great stories to tell of their world travels. The photo above was taken approximately 1950 around the time they were married.

It seems that no how matter how busy their days are, they are almost never too tired to go square dancing in the evening. Northridge is a 20-mile drive from Simi Valley where they lived, and Pasadena is almost 50 miles from Simi Valley. Both Mom and Frank seemed to have boundless energy.

A Visit With Paul & Judy

2012-01-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

Saturday March 14, 1992

Up and out early for Palmdale to visit Paul & Judy. They are expecting us and serve us lunch. Tayler is cranky until we take her in their new car to Costco. In the car and in the shopping cart she is an angel. She's also at the age she doesn't want anyone to touch her except Judy.

Frank helps Paul work the dirt in the backyard and takes him in the truck to the lumber yard.

Later we stop to see Debby and Joey. Sara is out with friends and Phil's at work.

We get home in time to eat pizza and dress for the Happy Squares dance. It's too crowded so we come back home to watch TV. We were too tired anyway.

In the above photo, Frank's youngest son Paul is shown with his wife Judy and two children approximately 8 years after this post. It looks like Tayler is around 9 years old and her younger brother Nick around 7. Sadly, Paul and Judy got divorced as did Frank's older son Phil and his wife Debby.

I Still Pray Every Day

2011-12-31T15:09:00.000-08:00

Friday March 13, 1992

We slept in til 8:45. Frank really needed that. After breakfast he so patiently and carefully and lovingly colors my hair for me. Then he is off to the Gledhill house to replace the garbage disposal. He's gone about 3 hours.

I do some housework, make some phone calls, and finish my sewing, getting new clothes ready for the cruise. I'm feeling very well these days. Still a bit slow getting started in the morning, but then mornings have always been my slow time. I still pray every day at least once. I ask God to be merciful and touch my body, healing it, killing all the cancers and allow me to live to see the grandchildren grow up to adult. Then I pray for everyone I know in need.

Wow, that is so sweet of Frank of color Mom's hair, and the way she describes it is like a tender act of love. He is such a thoughtful man.

Yes, it takes me a while to get moving in the morning too. I never could undersand how some people can bounce out of bed excited to start the day.

Mom only went to church on Easter and an occasional Sunday. She never talked to me about her faith or about prayer. I think to her it was private and personal. I do not know if she prayed every day before her cancer diagnosis, but getting the news that she had a terminal disease seems to have brought her closer to God. As much as we like to think we are in control of our lives, in fact, at some point, most of us come to understand that we are in control of very little, actually, and that we need to trust in God.

We Cruise in 19 Days

2011-12-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

Thursday March 12, 1992

We're up early. Frank leaves about 8:30 for his folks' house and his trip to Loma Linda to see Uncle Ricky.

I spend the morning cleaning our bathroom thoroughly. In the afternoon I begin to shorten dresses and pants I plan to take on the cruise in 19 days. We'll fly out March 31 at 10:30 p.m. I have chemo that morning. That should be no problem. I don't seem to feel any the worse after chemo. The main problem is we'll be lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep on the plane. We'll arrive in Miami at 6:30 a.m., rent a car and head to the Keys where we'll stay with my cousin Bucky for 3 days, then return to Miami for the cruise.

I call Mom, Chris and Joan Larson. Joan has just found out she has cancer again somewhere in her body (CA125). She'll have a CAT tomorrow. I must include her in my prayers.

Joan Larson lived across the street from the Lemona house where I grew up for 20+ years. So sad that her cancer is back. Mom was a great source of encouragement to Joan, as they battled this deadly disease together.

Yikes, that doesn't sound like fun to leave Los Angeles Airport at 10:30 p.m. and arrive in Miami at 6:30 a.m. I hope Mom is able to sleep on the plane. I have never been able to sleep on a plane, and the few times I have taken long plane trips, especially from west to east, I end up being sick and terribly jet-lagged for a week. Too bad they couldn't have planned a morning flight. At least they would have arrived in Florida somewhat refreshed before visiting her cousin.

Income Taxes

2011-12-26T15:27:00.000-08:00

Wednesday March 11, 1992

Awake at 6 a.m. and not able to go back to sleep. I get up and begin to get ready for our 9 a.m. appointment with our accountant to have our income taxes done. It's always such a relief to have our taxes out of the way for another year. We will have to pay an additional $1600, but luckily we can deal with that.

Today is spent doing laundry and putting things away from our trip. The dogs and cat are glad to have us home, especially Smokey the cat. Marketing and banking, and I'm exhausted.

We have a nice dinner at home, eating the artichokes we bought near Castroville yesterday.

Frank's mom calls and asks him to take her to Loma Linda tomorrow to see her brother in the hospital. He had other plans but we decide he must be a good son, but I must stay home to rest from our trip.

Castroville is just north of Monterey on the coast. It boasts of being the artichoke capitol of the world. There are roadside stands all along Highway 1 selling artichokes and other fruits and vegetables. This area of Central California is agricultural. It was the area John Steinbeck wrote about in Grapes of Wrath and Cannery Row.

So thoughtful of Frank to drop his plans to take his mother for a visit with her brother.

Santa Cruz

2011-12-25T15:35:00.000-08:00

Tuesday March 10, 1992

Up and on our way to Santa Cruz by 10 a.m. both of us are feeling a big cranky in the morning. Frank gets cranky if I'm cranky. I'm tired and achy and am very hot and sweaty after my shower. By 10 a.m. I'm OK.

It's a pretty and interesting drive. We are checking out campgrounds too. When we get to Santa Cruz we go to see the boardwalk, pier, and the beach. Most of it is closed for winter. It's brightly painted buildings on the boardwalk and rides. We are almost the only ones there. We gather driftwood on the beach for our neighbor Doris. We eat pie only at Bakers Square for lunch. How naughty. Frank's idea.

We arrive back at Laguna Seca to get the trailer at 3 p.m. so it's 10:30 p.m. when we finally get home to Simi Valley. I helped drive about half the way home.

Mom mentioned earlier in her journal that she always had the large overhead fan on after her morning shower to cool her down. I imagine in the trailer there was no such fan and probably poor ventilation for the heat and humidity, so she is hot and cranky. I am wondering if this problem is like hot flashes from menopause. Mom was on hormone replacement therapy (Premarin) after menopause to help ease her hot flashes. I have often wondered if this medication could have brought on her ovarian cancer. It is rare now for women to be on HRT long-term like mom was because it's been found to be linked to heart disease, breast and ovarian cancer. After she was diagnosed with cancer Mom quickly went off her medication and it looks like her hot flashes came back just as quickly.

That drive along Monterey Bay between Monterey and Santa Cruz is one I am very familiar with. It was very pretty and there are many charming communities on that route. The Santa Cruz Boardwalk was founded in 1907. It is California's oldest surviving amusement park and one of the few seaside parks on the West Coast of the United States. The photo above is obviously taken during the summertime when it attracts lots of locals and tourists. In the wintertime, anyone can walk along the Boardwalk, but the rides shut down.

Point Lobos

2011-12-25T15:16:00.000-08:00

Monday March 9, 1992

Up at 7 a.m. so we can be at The Tinnery for early breakfast - buy one get one free. Breakfasts run about $6.00 and the small orange juice I have costs $2.50. It's about 4 ounces--too much!

We drive along the sea, stopping to take a 1 mile hike where it is especially interesting. Then the road takes us inland for awhile and we end up at Point Lobos. It's a State Park $6.00 per car. What a fabulous place. We get free binoculars to use from the ranger. We drive, hike, drive, hike, eat our packed lunch, and hike some more. Not too much up and down so I do very well. We see lots of birds and sea lions and beautiful scenery, rocks, cliffs, flowers. It's a wonderful day.

At 5 p.m. we are back on Fisherman's Wharf for early bird dinner at Red Snapper. It's great! I go to bed at 10. Frank stays up to watch a movie. What a great day! I'm feeling very guilty about not seeing Chris this trip. I tried to call her again today. No answer.

This was in the days before cellphones were commonplace. It must have been frustrating for Mom not to be able to get hold of me. Nowadays I have my cellphone on me most of the time, so can be reached even when I'm not home. There are a few places we camp that have no cellphone coverage, but for the most part, I can be reached day or night.

Point Lobos is a state park south of Monterey and Carmel. It is one of the most beautiful parks in California. The scenery is spectacular and it is still $6 per vehicle. This park is well worth the fee, with numerous hiking trails along coves, cliffs, and dense vegetation with flowering trees and shrubs.

Dinner At The Tinnery

2011-12-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 8, 1992

Up at 6:30 a.m. and into the shower so we can leave at 8 a.m. for the gospel hour at the Jazz Festival. I really enjoy this singalong of old church songs. I know most of the songs by heart. They hand out song books. Frank sings all the songs too. Surprising for a Catholic. He seems to enjoy it. We sit with Bob and Sharon for awhile. They head home.

At noon we are on the wharf eating clam chowder soup from the center of a loaf of San Francisco french bread. What a treat! Great chowder. We spend the afternoon on Fisherman's Wharf in different places, listening to Dixieland Jazz until 4 p.m. We shop for rings for me. I buy 3 fabulous fakes. I'm too fat to wear any of my good rings and I need these for the cruise. I call Chris and Justin.

We take a lovely drive and have dinner at The Tinnery on the water. A beautiful view and a wonderful unique dinner. Home for a movie at 8:30 p.m. Pretty tired.

I never knew that Catholics don't sing! Come to think of it I have never heard Frank sing, but I also have never heard my dad sing, my husband sing, or my boys sing. I guess singing is a girl thing. I'm sure some of you guys reading this will disagree, but I'm just speaking from the perspective of the men in my own life.

This sounds like such a fun romantic weekend. Thank you Frank for being so kind and generous with Mom.

I Think of My Dad Often

2011-12-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday March 7, 1992

Awake at 7:20, time to get up, but we just snuggle back to sleep until 8:30. Wonderful! Our queen-size bed in the trailer is very comfy. Frank walks around the Laguna Seca Campground while I get ready. By 11:30 we're on our way to our second day at the Monterey Jazz Festival. We spend most of the day on the wharf in 2 of the 4 rooms featuring jazz. We see our square dance buddy Bob Holmes and his new girlfriend.

What a great day! So much fun, good music, toe tapping, hand-clapping, reminiscing and feeling close to Frank. I didn't realize how much we really needed this fun weekend. It's so easy to forget your troubles here. Lots of laughs and sing-alongs. Some songs touch a tender spot and bring tears to my eyes. I think of my dad often. He sang so many of these old songs to me. We hold hands alot and dance some.

Feeling real good. Some low abdominal pain.

Wow, that sounds like fun. Although her life at home is busy with friends and activities, I think she was appreciating that this weekend was just the two of them enjoying their time together, laughing and singing, sometimes even crying. While Mom's father Gerald was an abusive alcoholic to his wife and stepson, to his daughter he was absolutely devoted. She was a princess in his eyes. I never heard that her dad sang songs to her. That is very touching. He died of lung cancer (a heavy smoker) in 1954, when I was just 1 year old. The photo above was taken of him in 1926, still a young and vital man.

Monterey Jazz Festival

2011-12-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

Friday March 6, 1992

Up and finally ready to leave for Monterey about 9:30 a.m. pulling our 5th wheel trailer. It's a great trip of 6 hours except for the last 2 hours when we do hit rain.. It's raining lightly when we pull into the Laguna Seca Campground which is 20 minutes from the Jazz Festival in Monterey. It takes about an hour to get all set up. We have dinner from the microwave oven, then clean up and head for the Jazz Festival. In the dark (6:30 p.m.) we accidentally find our way to exctly where we want to be at the wharf parking lot. We buy our $40 tickets and head into the first show, Black Dog Band. We see several groups and really enjoy them. We leave for home about 10:30. We're in bed about midnight. I continue to feel real good.

Wow, that was a long tiring day, but Mom was going strong until midnight. I'm so impressed by her energy. After a 6 hour drive I would have just chilled for the night.

The Monterey Jazz Festival is the longest-running annual jazz event in the world. It premiered on October 3, 1958 with San Francisco jazz radio broadcaster Jimmy Lyons as its founder. Over 43,000 fans attended the 54th edition of the two-day and three-night festival September 16-18, 2011. The festival featured over 500 artists performing on eight stages spread over the 20-acre Monterey Fairgrounds in Monterey, California.

I Shouldn't Feel So Good Today

2011-12-21T20:07:00.000-08:00
Thursday March 5, 1992

My main objective today is to get all the figures together for the income tax appointment we have next week. I feel surprisingly well and energetic today, almost normal. I shouldn't feel so good today. I had chemo yesterday and last night started the pills I take for 5 days every 6 weeks. Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts.

It takes all day to do the tax prep, but it goes well and I stop often for a break. We have dinner, then start to pack the trailer for our 5-day trip to Monterey. We make some phone calls and by 11:30 we're in bed.

Frank's mom is really concerned about her brother Ricky in the hospital. Chris is feeling real good and was out to dinner tonight. I've been praying every night for both of them and others.

I was so wrong about the chemo. On yesterday's post I expected Mom to feel worse after chemo, not better. She had so much more energy after her treatment.

Chemo #9 + EKG

2011-12-20T19:06:00.000-08:00

Wednesday March 4, 1992

Up feeling pretty good. We go out to breakfast at 9 a.m. At 10:50 we are at Kaiser for my chemo. Dr. Swartz is very concerned and I have an EKG which is normal. He says if I have another episode like yesterday I should call 911.

We do some shopping at Fallbrook Mall and drive home about 3 p.m. I am exhausted. I wonder if I have enough energy to go to Monterey this weekend for the Jazz Festival. I sure hope I start feeling better soon. I need a whole lot more energy to enjoy life.

We have a quiet evening at home.

Sandy Dennis (actress) died from ovarian cancer yesterday.

Sandy Dennis, the star of the 1967 movie "Up The Down Staircase" about a teacher in Harlem, died at the very young age of 54. I notice that for the past two nights she ends with "We have a quiet evening at home." I presume that means she passed on square dancing. I wonder what is the reason for her exhaustion and chest pains. I'm sure having chemotherapy is not going to make her feel better, and will probably make her feel worse.

More Chest Pains

2011-12-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

Tuesday March 3, 1992

Frank gets up early to walk to the senior center for his carving class. I sleep til 9 a.m., go down for breakfast and back upstairs. Dr. Russack has called and says he will arrange for a treadmill test for me. At 10 a.m. I am resting in bed when my chest tightens with some pain, mostly on the left side. It really scared me. I tried to control it with concentration and relaxation.

I'm exhausted all morning, but finally feel better in the afternoon. I feel fine the rest of the day but not much energy.

We spend a quiet evening at home.

The Mayo Clinic notes that there is a range of symptoms of heart attack that can vary significantly. The signals differ from one individual to another, and men have different symptoms than women do. In women the symptoms are generally more subtle than in men. The following symptoms could indicate a heart attack:
1 Chest pain includes severe pain as well as less obvious sensations including, pressure, aching, and a full sensation. The symptom may disappear and reappear.
2 Pain or discomfort in other upper body areas can be a sign of heart attack. Sensations may occur in the back, neck, shoulders, and arm and in the lower region of the face. It is important to keep in mind that this discomfort may not be accompanied by chest pain.
3 Dizziness may occur to the point where you feel as if you are going to lose consciousness.
4 Excessive sweating for no apparent reason can signal a heart attack. The onset is sudden and accompanied by cold, clammy skin.
5 Stomach pain resembling heartburn may occur. Many people mistake a heart attack for heartburn.
6 Nausea can reach the point that you become ill enough to vomit.
7 Difficulty breathing can be frightening as you may feel that you can’t get enough air.
8 Anxiety is another symptom that may be overlooked. Some people experience overwhelming feelings of dread during the midst of a heart attack.

So Tired

2011-12-20T18:28:00.000-08:00

Monday March 2, 1992

A quiet day. I have very little energy in the morning and have a hard time getting started. I manage to get to my nail appointment at 10:45. After I finish the wash and get the bills paid we go out to the bank, post office, and do a little shopping. I am eager to get home, tired. I find enough energy to fix dinner but feel too tired to go square dancing. We go anyway. I dance most dances but am too tired to really enjoy it like I usually do.

We come home afterward to relax in front of the TV before going to bed. I called Chris this evening. She's doing fine but very tired.

We are both exhausted this day. Parallel lives perhaps?

I've Known Carol Peveler Since Second Grade

2011-12-19T10:13:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 1, 1992

A lazy morning with a nice egg and tortilla breakfast. I make a few phone calls and Cathy Thomas calls to say Chris has gone home this morning from the hospital. I call her about noon but she has been napping since she got home.

Shirley and Jim pick us up at 3:30 to go square dancing in Northridge. It should be a big dance with 5 callers. My old friend Carol Peveler will be there. I saw her last in September. She wants to see how I'm doing and dance with us finally. Because of her we are square dancers. I've know her since second grade.

We have a great time dancing and then the 5 of us go out to dinner at the Olive Garden, a place I've been dying to eat.

Later at home I have my old chest tightening experience. It lasts 2 or 3 minutes. I am doing nothing when it happens.

So sweet of Aunt Cathy to call me to see how I'm doing and then report back to Mom. Since Mom passed away Aunt Cathy has taken over as surrogate Mom to me. She doesn't check in with me weekly like Mom did, but almost monthly. No wonder I was napping when Mom called. I can never sleep in the hospital. They always come in every 2 hours during the night to take blood pressure readings, temperature, etc. I am always exhausted which is why I am anxious to get home.

Carol Peveler Ziegler was Mom's oldest friend. They had known each other even longer than her best friend Donna. Carol was the one who got Mom and Frank hooked on jazz. They attended jazz festivals together in Monterey, Sacramento, and Los Angeles. Carol also got them involved in square dancing which became their passion as well as their social life. It seems like Mom has an entry that includes square dancing almost every day, and not just in Simi Valley, but other towns as well. After Mom passed away Frank married a single lady from their square dancing club, Millie. They were married for 7 years but the marriage ended in divorce. A few years later Frank hooked up with Mom's friend Carol and they were soon married and moved to a retirement community in Lincoln, California. They drove to Sonoma County for my son Justin's wedding this year, which was the first time I had seen them in years. The photo above was taken this year of the two of them and came with their Christmas card. They are still square dancing every day well into their 70s.

Chris May Go Home From Hospital Tomorrow

2011-12-19T09:54:00.000-08:00

Saturday February 29, 1992 (leap year)

After lunch Frank and I drive out to Camping World to shop. We stop at Gary's on the way home. They seem really glad to see us and urge us to stay longer than we'd planned. We had gone out for a taco lunch so decline their invitation to stay for dinner of tacos.

I call Chris in the hospital to see how she's feeling. She says she has a fever but they have taken out her IV. She may go home tomorrow. Gary talks to her for a long time. That makes me happy. I want them to be close and caring about each other.

We visit our Gledhill rental regarding a leak under the sink. Back in Simi we go out for Italian dinner.

My dad is the middle son of 3 brothers, my husband is the oldest son of 3 brothers. Neither of them are close to their siblings. When I had 3 boys my hope was that they would be close as adults. So far they seem to have a pretty good relationship with minimal friction. As for my brother Gary, we are not close because of the long distance between us (400 miles), but I know he is always there for me if I need him. He's a good man.

After 3 nights in the hospital for an appendectomy, I was anxious to get home. 20 years later I doubt they even keep the patient overnight for an appendectomy. In 2008 I had back surgery, elbow surgery and gallbladder removal. All 3 were outpatient procedures.

Chris Had an Emergency Appendectomy

2011-12-17T20:35:00.000-08:00

Friday February 28, 1992

Awakened at 6:50 a.m. by a call from Chris. She's in the hospital. She had an emergency appendectomy last night. She feels pretty good but is very concerned about the drugs they had to give her and their effect on the baby. They all assured her there is nothing to worry about but...?

I go back to sleep after her call and sleep til 8:20. I feel better, more rested today, but I don't feel up to walking. It's getting harder and harder to carry this extra 50 pounds. Today, I will start eating only when I'm hungry. I eat my first meal at noon. We go to see Kurt and Karl from 4-5 p.m. At home we get ready to leave at 7:15 for square dancing in Reseda with many of our friends. After dancing we go to Bakers Square and fall into bed at 12:30.

I called Chris at 5:30 and she's had a good day, walking alot. She sounds great!

Back on October 3, 1991 Mom's entry in her journal says that I had an attack of appendicitis and spent the day in the hospital. That time the symptoms went away on their own. Too bad I didn't have my appendix removed at that time. This time I had the exact same symptoms, but was half-way through a difficult pregnancy, with nausea, tachycardia episodes, and now this. When the symptoms began I knew exactly what it was. I went to the hospital and told the nurses I was having appendicitis. I was told they would let me stay for observation, but that it was probably just my uterus contracting. Having already gone through labor with Justin years earlier, I knew the difference between contractions and appendicitis. I insisted they check it out. I had an ultrasound and it was determined that my appendix was indeed inflamed. Then I started vomiting, which is a symptom of appendicitis, although for me that was just like any other day of this pregnancy. Dr. Louis Sauer, a woman surgeon, performed the appendectomy under general anesthesia. It involved an incision in my swollen and ever-expanding belly, which of course left a good-size scar. I was surprised that appendectomies were not done orthoscoptically like gallbladder removals.

So Mom states she is starting her weight loss program, and the first thing she does is skip breakfast, exactly what all the experts say NOT to do. She still went to Bakers Square, but doesn't say if she has pie, which is their specialty. Eating late at night, which is my problem too, is a good way to pack on the pounds.

It's Almost Impossible to Kill All the Cancer Without Killing The Patient

2011-12-16T22:33:00.000-08:00

Thursday February 27, 1992

Up and off to see Dr. Bienstock, my surgeon. He examines me and says everything feels OK. He tells us it's almost impossible to kill all the cancer cells without killing the patient. The hope is that the body will naturally kill of what's left. He said I'm an average patient with ovarian cancer. I wanted to hear that I was doing better than most.

Instead of going to lunch we go home and Frank cuts a piece of plexiglass for Gary's garage door. Then we go to see how Gary is doing. He has taken 3 days vacation to work on his house. He's doing well.

We come home and take a walk with the dogs. I am awful tired after 15 minutes, but make it for 3 minutes.

The 5-year survival rate for a woman diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer was and still is only 11%. Because there are no symptoms of the disease until it has spread to other organs, most women are diagnosed at Stage 4 (advanced) cancer. Of course Mom wanted to hear that she was one of the 11%, not just average. Perhaps just a bit more encouragement from her doctor might have been a boost to her morale if not her immune system.

Looking At Old Pictures

2011-12-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

Wednesday February 26, 1992

We're up early and off to Mothers in Desert Hot Springs to do some repairs. We have a nice ride down except for wind. It's not windy at Mom's. She takes us out to lunch.

Frank is putting in a kitchen cabinet. I call the lady who has mother's chair for re-upholstering. She had promised 2 weeks and has had it more than 2 months. I tell the woman I work for LAPD in Bunko Department. She promises the chair for next Saturday and insists we come look at what she has done.

Mother and I spend time looking at old old pictures. It's good time together.

At Mom's place about 2 p.m. I have a serious lasting chest pain on the left side. It scares me.

On the way home we stop at Loma Linda Hospital to visit Frank's Uncle Ricky. We see all the aunts and uncles.

OK, I am laughing out loud right now! The Bunko Department??? You have got to be kidding! Do they even call it that? This just does not sound like my mother at all.

Hearing that Mom spent the day looking at old photos with Grandma Helen just touches my heart since I have been workingi on putting together photo albums all year. I have photos that date back to 1934 when Mom was born and even a few older ones from the 20s of her parents. Her Grandma Johnson came to the United States from Sweden around the turn of the 19th century as a teenager, and I even have one photo of her taken around that time. To be able to sit down with my children and share these photos and the memories that go along with them is my dream. The above photo was taken of Mom around 1942. She looks to be around 7 or 8 years old.

I hope Mom is going to make a doctor's appointment to check out her heart. That chest pain sounds pretty serious.

What Can I Squeeze Into?

2011-12-15T17:05:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Februaery 25, 1992

Frank leaves at 6:00 to go pick up Phil in Palmdale. They are at Mountain High for a day of snow skiing.

I have a day to go through all my spring and summer clothes to see what I can squeeze into. I don't find much but I have been buying lately so I have enough to take on the cruise April 5. I spend the whole morning. I shop the afternoon and go to the nail salon to get my nail fixed

Frank comes dragging in about 5 p.m. but agrees to take me to "Splash" for a $4.00 BBQ tri-tip dinner.

Wow, that's an inexpensive dinner even for 1992. How sweet is that for Frank to take Mom out to dinner after a long day skiing and then driving home?

I can so relate to mom having many sizes of clothes in her closet. I used to have 2 or 3 sizes in my closet, but now I just keep the ones I can't fit into in boxes in storage. My closet currently has only size 18. My size 14 clothes are in storage. I skipped right over size 16 when I gained 30 pounds while in a cast with a broken foot 21 years ago. I never lost the 30 pounds, but I still have all those clothes in storage! Someday....

Mom had a 3 bedroom house. The master bedroom closet had the clothes for the current season, and the other two bedrooms had clothes for the off season. In addition she had a separate movable rod for her square dancing outfits. Mom loved to shop. In addition to all my size 14 clothes in boxes, I have a dozen boxes of Mom's size 14 clothes, as well as her size 16 clothes.

Sweating Profusely

2011-12-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

Monday February 24, 1992

Slept in, almost 10 hours of sleep. Feel much better when I do get up. Frank takes a walk while I do the laundry. I must call Dr. Russack today. My problem with perspiring so profusely all the time is really becoming a problem. I guess a treadmill test is in order.

A treadmill test? My first thought is hot flashes from menopause and adjusting to a hysterectomy last October. Her hormones are probably out-of-whack.

Chris Went to the Emergency Room

2011-12-14T14:45:00.000-08:00

Sunday February 23, 1992

Telephone day. After a big waffle and egg breakfast I call Chris. Ric brought home a new puppy this week. More worry for her with rainy days and puppy poop on her carpet. But she is thrilled. She loves it. Justin named it Jessie.

Chris tells me she was in the emergency room yesterday because her heart was racing for an hour or so. They finally had to give her a drug in her vein to slow it down. She didn't want that. She's worried what the drug might do to the baby. More worry for me too. They gave her pills to take to prevent it from happening again. Talked 2 hours to Donna. Then Mom and Myra. Went marketing.

Drug my tired body to class square dancing in Northridge. Too tired to enjoy it much.

No doubt about it 1992 was probably my most difficult year. Besides the constant nausea and exhaustion, as well as moving not once but twice, I had medical issues during this pregnancy. This was the first medical issue that year.

Since I was a little girl in elementary school I remember having episodes where my heart would start racing. I remember telling my pediatrician about this one time at a doctor visit and he dismissed it as something everyone has. When I was little my heart would race, I would get sweaty and nauseous and finally throw up in the classroom or on the playground. I was so embarrassed. As I got older I found that if I took a big breath and leaned over to exert pressure on my heart with the air in my lungs, I could usually get my heart to slow down, especially if I caught it quickly. As the doctor told me in the emergency room, during pregnancy a woman's blood supply increases by 50% and there is alot more pressure on the heart. Most of the time my heart would begin racing as I was waking up in the morning, so was completely unrelated to any kind of stress. During my pregnancy, because of the extra strain on my heart I had more tachycardia episodes than ever, about once per week instead of my usual once per month or so, and my usual method of slowing down my heart did not work any more. On this morning I woke up with my heart racing and after an hour my husband finally drove me to the emergency room at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital. My pulse was 180 beats per minutes. My blood pressure was 80/0. That was dangerous for the baby. I was given some medication to take after the medication in the IV finally worked to slow my heart down, but I did not like the way it made me feel. My heart felt like it was beating irregularly all the time. Before I got pregnant with my last child in 1994 the doctor recommended I have heart surgery to correct the electrical malfunction in my heart so as not to endanger the baby. I had this done at the San Jose Kaiser Permanente hospital in July 1994. A catheter was inserted into my groin after I was wheeled into the OR. I was completely awake and could see the catheter enter my heart on the overhead screen. Then I said, "my heart is racing." The surgeon told me that they were inducing the tachycardia in order to find out which part of my heart was causing the electrical malfunction. Once they found it, they burned that part of my heart with the device inserted through the catheter. This was called ablation. I was released to go home that night.

The following month I did get pregnant with my last son Ryan. Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but he also required heart surgery, when he was 5 years old, having been born with a hole between the two upper chambers of his heart. They caused backwash as his heart pumped blood. His surgery was outpatient as well and the device that was used to close up the hole went through the groin too.

As for the puppy, Jessie was 8 weeks old when we got him, and yes there was indeed lots of puppy poop to pick up off my carpet, something not at all pleasant when battling constant nausea. But he turned out to be one of my favorite dogs and was a big part of our family for the next 10 years.

O'Melveny Park

2011-12-11T13:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday February 22, 1992

Gary called and asked us to go hiking at O'Melveny Park with them today. We arrive at 11:30. At 12:00 we go to Millie's for lunch then to the park. The park has been devastated by the rains. The bridges are washed out as are the roads. Still it's very interesting and we skip across the river (stream) in several places and climb to the top of the hill.

Later we go to a furniture store to check out furniture for Gary's new house. At 7:30 I manage to arrive at the square dance. Actually I'm not too tired and we have a good time.

Maria and I had some good talk today while we were walking.

Glad to see that Mom's spirits were up today and they were able to go for a hike. Gary must be feeling pretty confident that the escrow will close on his new house if he is already looking for furniture.

Cousin Shirley

2011-12-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

Friday February 21, 1992

Heard from Cousin Shirley today. Sounds like she's doing very well. It's so great to have her alcoholism out in the open. She's very frank when she talks about what she's been through and what she's going through. She's very happy with the Assembly of God Church she has been attending. She doesn't feel judged there when she wears slacks and lots of makeup. I still think she needs structure to her life and mainly a 9-5 job. She really has no income from real estate.

We go to the movies to see JFK at 4 p.m. and then pick up a movie "Silence of the Lambs" to watch at home in the evening.

Mom's Cousin Shirley is pictured above on the left side. She always wore tons of makeup and I never saw her without it. Mom was always her main support person even though they lived 400 miles apart, Shirley in Citrus Heights, California and Mom in Simi Valley in So. California. I'm glad to know that during this period of Shirley's life, she was trying to get sober and reaching out to others in her community and in AA.

Looks like Mom had no side effects from her chemo yesterday.

Chemo #8

2011-12-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

Thursday February 20, 1992

Didn't sleep well. Awake from 5 a.m. Got up at 7 a.m. and into the shower. I lock the bathroom door. I'm too embarrassed about my weight. I don't want Frank to see me undressed. I usually go up to shower after Frank has finished in the bathroom. Frank is upset when he gets up and the door is locked. I'm so hot after my shower everyday. I turn the fan on and sit down to cool off for 10 minutes. Frank would freeze.

We go to breakfast at IHOP and then to Kaiser for my chemo. It takes 2 nursea and 6 tries to find a vein to inject. I'm weak afterward.

We pick up a movie and a yogurt and spend the afternoon and evening on the couch. I have no energy today and it's cloudy and drizzly.

It sounds like a depressing dreary day for Mom. When I don't sleep well, I feel depressed and out of sorts too. When the sun doesn't come out, it makes my mood even worse. After not sleeping well, Mom felt bad about her body and everything just seemed to go wrong this day. I have had that experience of being poked several times when the nurses try to find a vein for an IV. It is very painful. My veins have always been hard to find. I wonder if her bad mood will give her side effects from the chemo this time. I hope she took her anti-nausea medication.

Walking to Hudson's Grill

2011-12-11T11:29:00.000-08:00

Wednesday February 19, 1992

I feel pretty good today. I slept in til 8 a.m. Frank went visiting in the valley in the morning. At noon we walk down to Hudson's Grill for lunch. By the time we walk back home, I'm tired but feel like I could do it again tomorrow. Maybe I'm finally ready to get back to our 4-mile walks. I know I'll never lose this weight if I don't get back to walking.

My fingernail that broke off is still very tender and my right wrist is still in alot of pain. My hips ache alot if I stand too much and when I walk but only the first 15 minutes. My hair is back to normal. It is as thick as it was a year ago and looks pretty good.

Hudson's Grill in Simi Valley was open from 1986 until 2006 and was located in the Sycamore Village Plaza. That's about 1-1/2 miles from their house on Ambergrove Court. To walk there and back would be a 3-mile walk. At a fast pace, that's good exercise. I try to walk about 3 miles per day, which takes about an hour. Walking is such great exercise and does help to alleviate alot of those aches and pains that Mom is experiencing.

Apple Farm

2011-12-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Tuesday February 18, 1992

Frank leaves at 8:30 a.m. for his carving class. I'm feeling tired and listless this morning. No energy. Had some worrisome pains in my abdomen during the night but slept well.

Spoke to Phil this morning. He reports things are still improving with Debby. They have planned a weekend away together next weekend at Apple Farm in San Luis Obispo. That sounds great! Frank and I were there a few years ago. It's a wonderful and charming hotel.

We eat a bite out and go to a 12:30 movie. then take a short walk with the dogs. After dinner we go country western dancing in North Hollywood with friends.

Phil is Frank's oldest son. He and his wife Debby were having problems in their marriage. Perhaps a romantic weekend might help a little?

Chris Had a Traumatic Weekend

2011-12-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

Monday February 17, 1992

Up and doing laundry before I get my nails done at 11 a.m. Trying to keep Smokey from falling off the wooden bannister I break my middle left fingernail way back into the meat of my finger. It creates alot of pain. Luckily my manicurist is able to fix it quite well. I'm able to go square dancing in the evening with a bandage for protection.

I finally reach Chris this morning after trying all weekend. She had a traumatic weekend getting moved back into her condo with very little of her belongings. She's not comfortable or happy. she will live about 4 months in a very unstable home until the new house is finished the end of May. I'm very worried about her. I must pray for everything to work out well for her.

Frank went to Gary's to help him repair his shower this afternoon.

She must have been on the receiving end of alot of teasing that night with her middle finger bandaged. I'm not sure how she managed to square dance without banging her finger. There is certainly lots of hand contact in square dancing.

I don't know why mom said my condo was unstable, but it was certainly a very temporary living situation. We put most of our belongings from our Windsor house in storage, knowing that we would be living in the condo only 3 months. Only the essential furniture and possessions were moved to the Santa Rosa condo while we tried to refinance it in order to pull cash out to buy the new house that was still under construction in Windsor. We could only refinance and pull money out if we were living in the condo. Four months into my pregnancy with Derek I was very tired and still nauseous, so going through a move was very difficult.

A Nice Walk with the Dogs

2011-12-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

Sunday February 16, 1992

Just an average day. In the evening we go to Northridge with friends to square dance with Larry Ward. We have a really good time and learn many new calls. Larry makes it alot of fun. We go out for coffee after with Robbie and Delores.

We took a nice walk with the dogs in the afternoon.

Even just an average day includes square dancing and out with friends. I had no idea Mom and Frank were so social. There were plenty of places to take the dogs for a walk. Their home was in a newer subdivision that backed up to hills. Simi Valley is in fact surrounded by low hills as the above aerial photograph shows.

Las Vegas in the Spring

2011-12-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

Saturday February 15, 1992

We wake up to heavy rains again. We have a grand sausage and eggs and bisquit breakfast. In the afternoon we go to Gary's. Frank gives him advice on fixing the problem he has in his shower. We visit awhile and discuss the new house. We come home and watch movies in front of a roaring fire. How cozy. I'm feeling fine but fat, very fat.

Talked to mother this morning. I told her we will take her to Las Vegas this spring. She said she'd love to go. She's still doing great at 83 but you never know. I'm happy to be able to help her have some fun in her old age.

That is so thoughtful of Mom and Frank to offer to take Grandma Helen to Las Vegas, just as it was thoughtful to spend their Valentine's Day yesterday with Frank's parents. I hope my boys will be as thoughtful in my old age.

Aspen Center

2011-12-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

Tucked in with Mom's entry for February 14, 1992 is a newspaper clipping from The Enterprise newspaper dated Friday February 14, 1992 under the Health section of the paper. The title of the article is "Guests tour Aspen Center". It starts "Visitors streamed through the doors of the Simi Valley office of the American Cancer Society in a slow but steady pace despite havoc wreaked by weeklong torrential rains." It talks about how visitors attended an open house and tour of the new surgery center. Towards the end of the article are the following 4 paragraphs:

"Frank Reina, 56, and his wife, 57-year-old Dolores, were fascinated by the tour.

My wife does have cancer. We're interested in what's going on and interested in this facility. It's right in the neighborhood, Reina said.

His wife, who suffers ovarian cancer, said the Cancer Society provides hope with their efforts geared toward research and cure.

With six grandchildren and one on the way in July, I have alot to look forward to. I have a good reason to live, she said."

Strange that she does not mention the tour of the surgery center in her journal. I guess with the busyness of her life, the tour was not worth mentioning. That grandchild she mentions that was due in July was my son Derek, born July 14, 1992. So sad he never knew her.

Valentine's Day

2011-12-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

Friday February 14, 1992

Up and moving fast for a 10 a.m. doctor appointment in Granada Hills. But first we exchange Valentines and gifts. Frank gives me a beautiful card and a candy box that has a beautiful black nightgown inside the heart shape. Then he gives me the beautiful heart shaped box of candy. It's red velvet with a beautiful silk flower on top. It's my first beautiful heart-shaped box of candy I ever received. I love it all.

Frank likes my card and the pretty sweatshirt and huge heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie that says "I love you" on top.

We decide to go to Frank's folks. We all go to lunch. A miracle happens. An old friend of Frank's sees us at lunch. He offers his secretary to notarize a bunch of legal documents for mom and dad. Later we go out to dinner with them and finally get home exhausted at 9 p.m.

Well, the gifts and card sound very romantic, but spending the day with the in-laws definitely does not, especially after hearing mom describe them in previous posts. I hope they weren't too exhausted to cuddle at least.

Good to Have Such Good Friends

2011-12-09T21:14:00.000-08:00

Thursday February 13, 1992

The weather is somewhat better today. We take a nice walk with the dogs. We call our friends in the valley and arrange to meet them in Woodland Hills at a square dance. It's good to get out of the house and be with friends. A great dance! We have so much fun. After the dance we all go to Baker Square for coffee. Good to have such good friends!

Shirley called this afternoon to thank us for the flowers we wired her for Valentine's Day. She really loved them and all the cards I've been sending her. She has them all on her coffee table. She's attending church regularly with a friend. She sounds great!

Good job Mom. No pie tonight, just coffee. Hope it was decaf! What an encouragement she was to her cousin who was trying to recover from her alcoholism.

Flood Rescues

2011-12-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

Wednesday February 12, 1992

We wake up to heavy rain. There will be more flooding around So. California today. We're fine and safe. We have good drainage. Luckily we have no need to go anywhere the last few days since these heavy rains so we've stayed home when it's raining. Luckily I have no doctor appointments until Friday morning. We spend the morning watching flood rescues on TV. Frank calls the Simi tenant. The roof is no longer leaking. Thank God! We spend most of the day inside, ironing and mending, etc.

The above photo was taken during a flood in nearby Thousand Oaks earlier this year. Looks like some people just don't know how to drive safely in the rain!

A Leaky Roof

2011-12-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

Tuesday February 11, 1992

The rain has let up this morning but the skies are still threatening. Frank and I head over to the rental house in Simi Valley to repair the roof. It's leaking around the swamp cooler. I hand him tools. He does a great job. I really think we fixed it temporarily. We'll have to get a new cooler and new roof this spring. Thank God there was a break in the storm so we were able to do the repairs.

We decide to stay home tonight and miss our class of country western dancing. We enjoy some TV programs that we don't usually get to see.

I don't know how landlords who are not handymen can possibly break even. Frank is a pretty handy guy like my husband Ric. With rental houses, it seems like there is always something to fix, a vacancy to fill, or a tenant problem. It is definitely not a 9-5 job.

A Rainy Day

2011-12-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

Monday February 10, 1992

Up late today, 8:30 a.m. It's been raining hard all night and still is. It's dark outside. A good day to sleep in. I change linens and do the wash.

Frank clears a place for the water to run out of the dogs' yard and clears a rain gutter while it's pouring rain. He enjoys it. It reminds him of when he worked for street maintenance and had to deal with floods and landslides in the rain. I make no effort to stop him. He needs to feel his manhood.

We go to the florist and order flowers for Cousin Shirley for Valentine's Day. It costs $34.00 but she'll be so pleased. It should give her a boost.

We stay home from square dancing. Frank has a stomach ache. One of our rental houses has a leaking roof we just heard.

The average annual rainfall in Simi Valley is only 14 inches, compared to 30 inches in Santa Rosa. This was a rare rainy day in February. I'm surprised Frank didn't have pneumonia after working in the rain all day, not a stomach ache!

Dreaming of Gary's Future

2011-12-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

Sunday February 9, 1992

Laid back day. Did some shopping. Watched the Olympics. Feeling pretty good. Main complaint now is my wrist and thumbs. My cough is almost gone.

I can imagine how happy Gary will be here in Simi Valley. There are hills close to his house to hike and explore. There are more, all around this valley. Gary loves to hike and explore. The bike trail along the arroyo through the valley is 1/2 block from his new house. They all have bikes. They'll love that. And then his house. I imagine he'll swim often in the pool and spend many restful hours in the spa. They'll have lots of wonderful parties in the large yard and patio. The best though, if the many cozy evenings in the beautiful living room in front of his beautiful brick fireplace. Simi Valley is a bit of heaven.

I am incredibly touched by how excited Mom was about Gary's new house, and how she was imagining his life there, not knowing whether she would be a part of it or not. I feel a little sad that I moved to Northern California back in 1974 and because of the distance she was not nearly as involved in my life. We were very close, and talked on the phone for 1-2 hours every week, but I missed out on alot by moving away. Simi Valley is very beautiful, much warmer and more arrid than Santa Rosa, but I am willing to put up with winter rains and colder weather in order to be close to redwood trees, vineyards, lakes, rivers and the Sierras. Gary and I share a passion for hiking and exploring. It must be our Scandinavian ancestry.

Chris Is Moving Too

2011-12-02T18:37:00.000-08:00

Saturday February 8, 1992

Up late. Had a 1 hour talk on the phone with Kathy Murphy.

Chris calls. We talk at least an hour. I'm so concerned for her. She is back at work 8 hours a day and trying to pack up to move in her spare time. They are moving back into her condo next Friday. New renters are moving into her house on Saturday. Her new house will be finished in late May. She must either refinance for cash out on her condo or sell it before June 1. She's so tired being 4 months pregnant.

Now I can worry about both of my children and their real estate woes. Gary still must pick a lender and soon! He must decide to either rent his house or sell it soon.

At 4:30 Gary and Maria go to meet the inspector at the new house. Joe and Junior stay with me. When they return I have a complete turkey dinner ready as a celebration for Gary's new house deal.

Ric and I had purchased the house shown above in Windsor in October 1990 in Deer Creek Subdivision. A little over a year later the builder started a new phase of the same subdivision and we fell in love with the new floor plan and a large lot that backed up to open space. The only way we could raise money for a down payment was to sell my condo, which was rented out when we moved to Windsor, or to refinance and pull money out. In order to refinance and get a good interest rate, we had to live in the condo. So even though I was so nauseous and so tired from my pregnancy and was trying my best to work full time in spite of my nausea and fatigue, I had to come home after a long day and spend my evenings packing up our house. Then 3 months later, after the refinance was complete, and I was 7 months pregnant, we got to do it all over again and move into the new house that was being built. The timing could not have been much worse!

God Is Great. God Is Good!

2011-12-02T16:46:00.000-08:00

Friday February 7, 1992

We take care of business around the house. At 4:30 we go to the movies to see Prince Of Tides. It's a good movie about a man with a dark childhood he has refused to face until now.

We spend the evening at home and watch a movie.

God is great. God is good! I feel so good as far as my ovarian cancer is concerned. I still believe God will heal me. I have just put my problem in His hands and I really never think of it except when I pray--often. I ask Him to touch me, heal me, take away the cancers. If I'm wrong, that's OK too. I intend to live every day as normal as is possible, making plans for the future and enjoying every minute of my life.

Her absolute faith that God would heal her reassured all who loved her that she would win this battle. Even in her final days, I was in denial that she was dying. After all, she had been reassuring me for 2 years that God would heal her and not to worry. I love her statement that she intends to live every day as normal as is possible even if God did not answer her prayers. She certainly did that!

Counter Offer

2011-12-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

Thursday February 6, 1992

Up at 7:30 and dressed waiting for Jody the realtor to pick up Gary's check for deposit on the house he made an offer on last night. Frank leaves at 8:15 to go to Doris' class she teaches on carving at the senior center.

I feel drug out this morning so just lay on the couch til 10 a.m. I had kemo on Tuesday and my cough was really bad last night. I think my cough just wore me out, plus I didn't sleep well last night thinking about the house Gary made an offer on.

Jody finally calls to say the seller has counter-offered and has a second offer also. I'm pleased it looks good. I feel better after my shower, good enough to go shopping for a couple of hours. My cough is much better today but my right wrist is sore as ever.

Mom's entry from the day before says that her cough stopped when she went to bed. Looks like it started up again and kept her up alot of the night. Insomnia is epidemic in this country. Like Mom I often lose sleep when I am worried, but I also lose sleep when I am excited about something. She was just as excited, or maybe more so, than Gary, about the house he was trying to buy. I hope when my children buy their first house, they allow me to come along house shopping with them. I love to look at houses. I remember even as a teenager going with a friend to look at model homes just for fun. Buying a new house is very exciting, and if Gary made this move, he would be closer to Mom, just a couple miles away.

I am laughing out loud at Mom's statement that she went shopping for a few hours even though she felt sick. For a shopaholic shopping is therapeutic. For me it's just plain exhausting.

Gary Makes An Offer

2011-12-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

Wednesday February 5, 1992

I'm up and fixing breakfast when I realize I have forgotten to take my anti-nausea pills last night. I feel a little nausea, but it doesn't last. In the afternoon I go drive by some more houses for Gary. Frank is having his nails done.

At 5:30 we meet Gary and Maria and boys and Jody, the realtor. We spend a long time looking at the house. Gary decides to make an offer on this house. The house is great and neat and clean but no linen closet or guest coat closet. At 9 p.m. he has finished signing all the papers and we all go to dinner at Country Folks. After dinner we follow Gary home to pick up his deposit check for Jody. We finally get home at 11 p.m.

I have coughed my head off all night long. My cough is awful but stops when I go to bed.

From Mom's entries it sounds like she got a manicure every week or two, but this is the first time I have heard that Frank got a manicure too. Sounds pretty nice!

What a long process to make an offer on the house. They all must have been starving after waiting until 9:00 for dinner! The house had been through a remodel, which is why there was no longer a coat closet. But during that remodel the kitchen was expanded and a small family room was added at the back of the house adjacent to the pool. It is a ranch style single-story home built in 1961 on a large corner lot. The house is about 2000 square feet.

I remember Mom coughing all the time, especially in the morning, even when she did not have a cold. Perhaps she had some allergies.

Chemo #7

2011-11-30T14:35:00.000-08:00

Tuesday February 4, 1992

Up early so we can stop at Arco Mortgage on the way to Kaiser, where I have chemo at 11 a.m. I'm in and out in an hour or so. What a surprise? I'm usually there 2-3 hours.

We have lunch at Sizzler and drive by some more houses for Gary.

I have no reaction at all to my chemo. My white blood count is low so I must be careful and watch for fever, cough, etc.

At 7:30 we go to Bill and She's for a Boots & Slippers board meeting. There's a good turnout and lots of good food.

I feel so good I forget to take my anti-nausea pills.

Uh-oh, I hope Mom wasn't sick this night. I wonder why her chemo only took an hour? Did she get less of the chemo drugs than usual?

The Yellow House

2011-11-30T14:29:00.000-08:00

Monday February 3, 1992

Already February! Our April cruise in the Carribean will be here soon.

I've got the blahs this morning. Can't get going. I just want to sit but I'm getting my nails done by 11:15 and running errands. My cough seems worse. I'll have the chemo doctor check it tomorrow.

We look at a few more houses for Gary and are more convinced he should buy the yellow house. Gary calls in the evening. He wants to make an offer on the yellow house. We're delighted! We'll all go see it again on Wednesday evening with our realtor.

We go square dancing.

Thanks for sending me a picture of your yellow house, Gary. Yes, he did buy the house, and yes it is still yellow. It looks great with the brick exterior.

One thing Ric and I have never done is take a cruise. Mom and Frank took several over the years, to all kinds of places. Anyone who has taken a cruise care to comment? What was your experience like?

A Perfect House For Gary & Maria

2011-11-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

Sunday February 2, 1992

Maria called in the morning to say they were coming to Simi to look at a house. We had slept in and were having a late breakfast. Frank offered to go with them. I found a bunch of homes in our local Sunday paper, made alot of calls, and had several other homes for them to see with a pool, 4+2.

They arrive late but we still have time to see a few and find a perfect house! Food for thought for Gary. They go home about 6 p.m.

Frank and I go to dinner at the new Acapulco Restaurant. I pig out on chips. enchiladas and key lime cheesecake. I refuse to even taste Frank's margarita. I'm afraid of alcohol. It seems to make me feel bad. I have not touched any alcohol for 20 months except New Year's Eve 1991.

My wrist still hurts alot and my thumbs ache too.

Trying to find a 4 bedroom house with a pool will limit their choices somewhat. Gary and I grew up next door to the Gangl family; they had a pool. In sunny Southern California, pools are commonplace. We spent most of the summer swimming next door and my blonde hair was green for 3 months out of the year.

Nose Blowing After Each Tip

2011-10-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday February 1, 1992

Relaxing day, trying to get well enough to go to the square dance tonight. We do go dancing. It was great to be back. Still coughing but managed to get by with nose blowing after each tip.

According to Wikipedia a square dance tip is "a group of dances usually separated from the next tip by a pause during which the dancers regroup into new squares".

Roz & Richard

2011-10-13T15:33:00.000-07:00
Friday January 31, 1992

Up early and rush to get the yard and house clean. Roz and Richard are coming for lunch. Roz and I worked together for 11 years at Guardian (Medical Equipment). She's 62. Her husband of 5 years is 56. They wanted to see all our vacation pictures. We spent most of the day doing that. We all went out to dinner about 8 p.m. They stayed until midnight.

It's sort of sad. They have no friends and no contact at all with his grown children or his many brothers and sisters. I think it's because Roz likes it that way. They spend alot on their home but never take vacations though they can well afford it. Reason may be Roz has been 70-80 pounds overweight for years. Now she's only 20 pounds overweight and she feels more like going places and doing things. We enjoy visiting with them.

I never met Roz and Richard and have no photos of them. It sounds like Mom is Roz' only friend. That is so special that Mom made such a point of keeping in contact after she retired. I cannot imagine why 70-80 extra pounds would keep Roz from seeing family and friends as well as taking any vacations. While I might not feel comfortable wearing a bikini on the beach, my extra pounds have never stopped me from taking a vacation. How sad!

Frank's Dad Has Bone Cancer

2011-10-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Thursday January 30, 1992

Up early and hurry to get ready to leave at 10:30 for Frank's folks house. I'm coughing much less but Frank is coughing alot. We are getting better but it is sure taking a long time.

At 12:00 the living trust attorney arrives and Frank helps him explain it to his folks. I read a magazine outside. Good, that's done.

Mom tells me the bone scan shows Dad has bone cancer. That accounts for alot of his pain. They don't plan to tell him. He won't go for more treatment. I agree that's best but he should have some good pain pills.

Dad tells me he wishes he could go back in time and relive his life and don't I? I say I love my life and always have. I wouldn't change a thing.

Mom tells Frank the only time she was ever happy was when the children were small. How sad. She's hoping to be happy again someday. I feel very sorry for both of them, and I feel so fortunate to be so happy. Life is wonderful!

Frank's dad John, pictured above at his granddaughter's wedding a few years before, was well into his 80s. I guess that's why he didn't see any reason to get cancer treatments, but withholding the fact that he had cancer seems wrong to me. Perhaps he already knew even though it was unspoken, and that is the reason they are having their living trust prepared. John outlived Mom, but only by a few months. That is so sad that he had so many regrets about his life, and that Frank's mother Florence was only happy when her children were small. Frank only had one sister and she died young. Perhaps Florence never recovered from the loss. She was the typical Italian mother who loved to cook for her family. Perhaps she always wanted a big family. Mom did her best to include John and Florence in all the family get-togethers, and from what I could see, they always enjoyed themselves.