Last Resort

Wednesday January 27, 1993

Up at 7 to the alarm. I slept well but wish I could sleep another hour. I feel pretty good again today. I prayed last night for several good days in a row, so I can go to the melodrama Thursday night and camping this weekend. I hope my prayers are answered.

At Dr. Semrad at 10:30 he says he doesn't think the kemo has done anything in the past 2 weeks and will check again in 2 weeks and may take me off the pump. He suggested we may want to try Taxol next. I said I think of that as the last resort. He pretty much agreed.

I felt down and depressed when we left. We went to Marie Callendar's for salad and then to Costco. I was so sure this kemo would be the one. Could I pray more?

Mom's last mention of chemotherapy using taxol was September 2, 1992, almost 5 months earlier. She wrote, "I'd have to go to UCLA once a week for a 2-day stay to have it injected and the cost would be thousands for us to pay." At that time Taxol was a fairly new chemotherapy drug and probably not covered by her medical insurance. Was the cost what kept her from fighting her cancer with the most aggressive treatment, or was it the possible side effects? Maybe it was the inconvenience of spending 2 days per week at UCLA. From all the traveling Mom and Frank did and the number of times each week they went out to dinner, it did not seem that money was scarce for them.