My Brother Is a Good Man

Sunday January 10, 1993

I awake feeling better. My chest doesn't hurt but I feel nauseous. I go down for a pancake breakfast. I don't really enjoy it but it fills my empty belly. I lay in bed all morning. Can't think of a reason to get up. Finally, I'm up, showered and made up by 1 p.m. I eat a hard boiled egg. That tastes good. I eat another. Later a cookie and banana. At 5 a.m. I ate a cup of yogurt.

I call Gary at 4:45. We go over to visit awhile. Frank helps them prune some rose bushes. We come home and order pizza. I manage to eat one piece. I still feel pretty good. I eat some ice cream later and go to bed at 11 p.m.

I met a women at church a few weeks ago and we had a nice personal chat. I told her about Mom and how I regretted not spending more time with her those last two years when she was sick. She told me when her sister got sick two years ago with cancer, she quit her job, moved to Missouri to be with her sister, and took care of her until she passed away. In January 1993 I was on maternity leave with my 6 month old son Derek. What would my life have been like if I had dropped everything to be with Mom in Simi Valley? Would I have been able to extend my leave or find another job? Would Mom have even wanted me to come down? Perhaps if I had known she would be gone in a few months this would have been the time to go down to be with her. Because she was always so upbeat and confident that she would beat the cancer, I believed her, and never thought it would take her away from me.

In spite of the fact that I lived 400 miles away, my brother Gary lived just 3 miles away in Simi Valley. He is such a kind man, a generous man, and very easy-going. I'm so glad Mom lived close to him so they could spend time together. We just visited Gary and Maria at their home a few weeks ago when we went down for a family wedding in Pasadena. I had not seen my brother for 6 months and had not been to their home for 5 years. The photo above was taken July 20, 2013 at the wedding which took place in my Aunt Cathy and Uncle Gene's backyard, as so many other weddings and celebrations have. The wedding was so fun and beautiful, but I especially enjoyed spending time with my brother and his wonderful wife Maria. I promise Gary to come down more often! Time passes so quickly, our children grow up, get married, move on. I read an article recently in Parade magazine about siblings. It talked about how important it is to be close with our siblings, for we share a longer history with them in our lifetime than another other person on earth. I'm so lucky my brother is a good and kind man!

Dreaming of Gary's Future

Sunday February 9, 1992

Laid back day. Did some shopping. Watched the Olympics. Feeling pretty good. Main complaint now is my wrist and thumbs. My cough is almost gone.

I can imagine how happy Gary will be here in Simi Valley. There are hills close to his house to hike and explore. There are more, all around this valley. Gary loves to hike and explore. The bike trail along the arroyo through the valley is 1/2 block from his new house. They all have bikes. They'll love that. And then his house. I imagine he'll swim often in the pool and spend many restful hours in the spa. They'll have lots of wonderful parties in the large yard and patio. The best though, if the many cozy evenings in the beautiful living room in front of his beautiful brick fireplace. Simi Valley is a bit of heaven.

I am incredibly touched by how excited Mom was about Gary's new house, and how she was imagining his life there, not knowing whether she would be a part of it or not. I feel a little sad that I moved to Northern California back in 1974 and because of the distance she was not nearly as involved in my life. We were very close, and talked on the phone for 1-2 hours every week, but I missed out on alot by moving away. Simi Valley is very beautiful, much warmer and more arrid than Santa Rosa, but I am willing to put up with winter rains and colder weather in order to be close to redwood trees, vineyards, lakes, rivers and the Sierras. Gary and I share a passion for hiking and exploring. It must be our Scandinavian ancestry.

Searching for a House for Gary

Friday January 24, 1992

Must stay home and take care of business today. Must work on our living trusts. Frank truly has my cold now. I'm still coughing up stuff often and constantly blowing my nose but I feel pretty good.

We go to look at a couple of houses for Gary to buy, but spend most of the day in nursing our colds.

Frank's still walking 4 miles in spite of his cold.

My brother Gary and his girlfriend Maria were currently living in Granada Hills just east of Simi. Simi Valley is a nice suburban area with less congestion and less smog than the valley. Mom was encouraging my brother to make the move even though it would mean a longer commute for him to work. She thought Simi would be a better community to raise a family, and of course, it would be nice to have him closeby.

Off to San Diego

Wednesday June 5, 1991

Awoke at 7:30 feeling rested. The all over body aches are less. Some pains in my tummy now and then. Still have discomfort under my ribs on the right. Is it from sleeping on my right side? I wake often each night with achiness especially on my right side including hip and leg, body and shoulder and arm. My right side lower back and hip ache most of the time day and night. Need to start my exercises again and get back to walking.

I have my nails done, bank, post office, and get the car washed. Buy a hot dog and hurry home to vacuum, dust and straighten.

Frank comes hom and we are off to San Diego at 2:30. Lots of traffic. We arrive at Dee and Steve's at 5:30. Dee has dinner for us and then we drive over to see, from the outside only, the house they want to buy. It's charming from the outside. We'll see inside tomorrow. We go to a coffee house and later hit the hay (floor) about 11 p.m. Feeling good. They think I look great.

Oh no, mom has to sleep on the floor when she has all those aches and pains?? I have trouble sleeping in a strange bed and would have a sleepless night if I tried to sleep on the floor at this age. What a trooper!

San Diego is located almost 200 miles south of Simi Valley in Southern California where mom and Frank live. Considering the distance and how much traffic there is on that stretch of freeway, it is amazing that they arrived at 5:30 (rush hour) in only 3 hours. Located on the border between Mexico and the United States, San Diego hosts miles of beaches and a number of U.S. military facilities. It is known for it's warm climate and sandy beaches. With a population of 1.3 million, it is the second largest city in California, after Los Angeles, which has 4 million. By contrast Santa Rosa is ranked 30th in the state with 160,000 population. This is where I relocated from Los Angeles in 1974 to get away from the horrible traffic and crowds.