I'm Too Tired To Shower Today

Monday November 16, 1992

I have a hard time getting up. I call the clinic at 9 a.m. The nurse says to come in, she'll check my tube exit to see if it's infected. It's red and tender but no puss. She dresses it and we return home. I'm too tired to shower today. That's so unusual for me. I read. Doris & Helen come over to visit for awhile.

At 5:30 we go out for Mexican dinner. At 7:15 Frank goes square dancing. I insist he go. I watch TV and talk to Paul and Judy for an hour. They called me. Frank comes home about 10:15 with a malt for me from Hudson's Grill. Pam Silverman suggested it for me.

Wow, that is unusual for Mom not to take a shower. Does that mean she didn't do her hair and makeup either? How did she feel when the neighbors came by to visit her? Although I don't spend alot of time on hair and makeup, I do try to take a shower every day. The only time I miss is when I'm too sick to get out of bed.

I am glad that Mom made Frank go square dancing. There's no reason he can't have a little fun when Mom is sick.

The Maynard House

Friday October 23, 1992

Slept most of the day yesterday and still had a pretty good night. Amazing. Awoke feeling so much better. I'm taking my other anti-nausea medicine.

We tape saran wrap on my chest and I hang the pump outside the shower on the great hook Frank made for that and I'm in the shower. It feels great after 2 days of no shower but the water gets under the saran wrap. Frank helps me flush my catheter, not so bad, and I am dressed and made up by 11 a.m.

We go to Woodland Hills to look at carpet for Maynard game room. Back in Simi we have hot turkey lunch at Millie's. I still don't have an appetite. I've lost 13 pounds in the past 3 weeks.

After resting an hour I drive myself to Maynard. Frank wants me to check it out. I'm nervous driving with my pump beside me. We bought a belt to wear it easier. We have a quiet evening at home.

Oh, I tried that trick when I had my foot in a cast. I wrapped my cast in a black garbage bag and duct taped it to my leg around the cast. How I hated taking sponge baths, but the water got underneath the plastic every time in the shower.

The Maynard Avenue house in Newbury Park was the house where Frank lived and raised his 3 children prior to Mom and Frank's marriage in 1982. After they bought a beautiful new house together, the Maynard house became a rental. The photo above was the only one I could find that was taken in the game room (converted garage) of this house. This photo was taken in 1980 at Christmas. I am 27, Mom is 46, her mother Helen is 72, and Helen's mother Amanda Johnson is 101 years old! Grandma Johnson passed away the following year, Grandma Helen died at the ripe age of 89 and Mom died when she was not yet 59. I have already outlived my mother, but can I possibly live as long as my great-grandmother Johnson? She was always very active and took a walk every afternoon until she fell and broke her hip at the age of 101. What am amazing woman! She moved to the United States when she was just 16, lived in Minnesota and then Van Nuys, California, and raised 14 children in the same house where she died in 1981.

Chemo #8

Thursday February 20, 1992

Didn't sleep well. Awake from 5 a.m. Got up at 7 a.m. and into the shower. I lock the bathroom door. I'm too embarrassed about my weight. I don't want Frank to see me undressed. I usually go up to shower after Frank has finished in the bathroom. Frank is upset when he gets up and the door is locked. I'm so hot after my shower everyday. I turn the fan on and sit down to cool off for 10 minutes. Frank would freeze.

We go to breakfast at IHOP and then to Kaiser for my chemo. It takes 2 nursea and 6 tries to find a vein to inject. I'm weak afterward.

We pick up a movie and a yogurt and spend the afternoon and evening on the couch. I have no energy today and it's cloudy and drizzly.

It sounds like a depressing dreary day for Mom. When I don't sleep well, I feel depressed and out of sorts too. When the sun doesn't come out, it makes my mood even worse. After not sleeping well, Mom felt bad about her body and everything just seemed to go wrong this day. I have had that experience of being poked several times when the nurses try to find a vein for an IV. It is very painful. My veins have always been hard to find. I wonder if her bad mood will give her side effects from the chemo this time. I hope she took her anti-nausea medication.

The Shower Feels Wonderful

Saturday July 6, 1991

We're up before the sun breaking camp to beat the heat. Bob and Ron offer to help transport our gear. We make it in one trip and have the boat out by 10:30 a.m. A shower feels wonderful. We are all quite tan. We make it to Merced Sizzler for lunch. We all pig out buffet style.

It's hot driving through Fresno and Bakersfield but our air conditioner works wonderfully! Justin and I play games.

Smokey (their cat) is really glad to see us when we get home about 6 p.m.

Oh yes, how well I remember that shower at the end of every trip to Lake Don Pedro. Up near the parking area for the launch ramp on our way out was a campground with restrooms with flush toilets and hot showers. After a week without a shower and spending time in the hot sun, that shower never felt so good, and we didn't even have to feed it quarters. Our bodies looked so tan against the white walls. The drive home was always a hot one. Thank goodness for the invention of automobile air conditioning. When I was a kid, our car did not have air conditioning, so just before getting in the car, we jumped in the water in our bathing suits and doused our beach towels with water. We draped the wet towels over the vinyl seats of the car and kept the windows down for the drive home. It was so hot that our swimsuits were dry within minutes and the beach towels were dry in a few hours, but it was better than nothing.