Wednesday March 18, 1992
Frank leaves at 7:30 to have breakfast in the valley with Robbie. I arise at 7:20 feeling pretty good. I always look like an "old lady" when I first get out of bed. I'm bent over and can hardly walk. Luckily, I look normal after 20-30 steps. I really hate for Frank to see this and usually wait til he is up and in the bathroom before I arise. It feels like I'm closing him out more and more. I can't bear him to see me deteriorating and getting fat. So I don't let him. He tries to understand but I think it hurts his feelings to be shut out.
I drive myself to get my chemo today for the first time. Frank has a meeting in L.A. this afternoon. Chemo injectino goes well and I go shopping. Once home we both hurry to get ready for a trip packing the trailer.
I can so relate to Mom's description of what she looks like getting out of bed. I look exactly the same. The only thing I can say is that it's worse the morningw after I don't get my 60 minutes of exercise in. My back is sore, I can't stand up straight and I shuffle to the bathroom like an old lady. At this point in her journal Mom is 57 years old and I am 58, so alot of her descriptions of aches and pains mimic my own, and they have nothing to do with the cancer.
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