I Have To Face My Disease

Monday August 17, 1992

Up and off to get my nails done at 10:45. I don't feel very well today. I ate a big breakfast, last meal til after my CAT at 2:00. Then at 8:00 a.m. I drank 1/2 of the medium. I hate drinking that stuff. It's thick and creamy and tastes a little like tangerine.

At 12:45 Frank and I leave for Kaiser Woodland Hills. I drink the rest of the medium at 1:30 and 2 p.m. I'm on the table waiting 1/2 hour for the nurse to come put the IV in my arm. It then takes another 30 minutes. I don't like getting a CAT. I have to face my disease. At home I rarely think about it.

I'm hungry for Mexican food so we eat out in Simi early dinner. Later we dress and go square dancing. We have a great time. Frank fixed the air conditioner this morning, a fuse!

It sounds like the reason Mom doesn't like a CT scan is not because of the endless waiting at the hospital, the claustrophic feeling of having your body in a small tube, or even drinking the nasty-tasting thick contrast medium. The reason is that it makes her admit that she has cancer. Mom had a very busy social life with lots of travels, adventures, dances and fun, but I imagined she was always conscious of the fact that she was battling a life-threatening disease. It sounds here like she never gave it much thought. Positive thinking or denial?