Joe Is 12 Today

Wednesday November 18, 1992

I'm up at 7:30 to leave for the doctor at 9:15. I have to lay down often while getting ready. I'm tired and sweating. Once at the doctor the nurse is unable to get blood out of my catheter. She tries everything like putting me in every position and putting a total of 30 cc of saline before she and finally Dr. Semrad give up and send me up to the lab to get blood out of my arm.

Doctor says the redness around the exit tube is probably from the Betadine. He says don't use it any more or the plastic bandage. Just use gauze. I get my medication and an appointment for next Tuesday so we can leave for Chris' on Wednesday. Dr. Semrad says I should start to feel better in a week or two. It's the cancer making me feel so bad.

We stop in North Hollywood for lunch at Bakers Square. We are so close to Henry and Jan's we decide to surprise them with a visit. They are so happy to see us. Henry just turned 84. Jan says he's been doing strange things and is very forgetful. He seemed fine to us. He cried when we left. He is very concerned for me.

At 6:30 we go to Gary's to give Joe his birthday present. He is 12 today. Frank has made him a game he wanted and we give him some money too.

At 7:30 we go round dancing. All our friends are sooo happy to see me. I get lots of hugs. We do OK considering we missed 2 or 3 classes. I sit down whenever I can, but do OK until 9:00. I'm tired. We leave 1/2 hour early. Dick chases us to the parking lot to give me a hug. that means alot. We go to have burgers. We're hungry. They're great!

Even though Joe and Junior were Maria's sons from a previous marriage, Mom never treated them any different than she did her biological grandson Justin. I wonder what game Frank made for Joe's birthday. I wonder if it's the game "Sequence" that he brought to our home the following week for Thanksgiving.

Most of the photos I have posted in this blog have been 20 or more years old, but as I am now within a few months of completing it, I will begin posting more current photos. The photo above of Joe with his wife Shannon and 3 beautiful girls was taken in 2012. Joe will be 33 years old this year in November 2013.

I'm not a doctor, but it sure doesn't sound good to me that the doctor could not get blood out of Mom's catheter that went directly into a blood vessel. It makes me wonder if her chemotherapy medication is getting into her bloodstream. She had a long busy day this day. It's no wonder she is tired. So sweet that two different men friends gave her a big hug and expressed their concern for her. I don't know too many men like that. My experience has been that my women friends are the huggers and criers.

I Can Do It Myself!

Tuesday November 17, 1992

Frank leaves at 8 a.m. to walk to his carving class. I get up just before 9 a.m., have breakfast and watch TV til 10:30. I cover my bandage with Saran Wrap and take a shower and wash my hair. Afterward I flush my catheter. I can do it all by myself! I get dressed and Kathy Murphy calls. We talk an hour. Everyone missed me last night. Frank brought home many loving messages.

After lunch Frank goes to the Valley to shop. I dust our bedroom and do the wash. I water plants. I'm exhausted by 5:00. Frank makes a cheesecake.

Isn't that so natural for all of us, from toddlers to the elderly, to want to say "I can do it all by myself." None of us wants to be dependent on someone else to do things for us, and we take so much pride in being independent. Sometimes, though, we have to just be humble and admit our need for others. My dad turned 80 this year and he has suffered with macular degeneration for many years, which means he cannot see very well and cannot drive. He is healthy in every other way, and he absolutely hates having to depend on other people to give him rides to the grocery store, the doctor, the bank...

I Had My Nightgown Ready

Wednesday October 28, 1992

I'm awake from 4 a.m. Can't sleep. Worried about what is wrong with me. I get up at 7 a.m. to begin to get ready to leave at 9 for Kaiser Hollywood and Dr. Semrad.

We arrive early but the nurse calls me right away to take blood from my catheter, but she can't get any so tries a saline flush, but when she draws it back, she gets a huge blood clot. She's excited and she and another nurse agree they've never seen anything like it. They need Dr. Semrad.

Dr. Semrad decides the catheter has come out of the vein so all the medicine has been going into my lung area, which could account for my discomfort. He must pull out my catheter and tube. He will schedule me for next Tuesday to try again. He says this is only the second one he's ever seen come out. I'm relieved to know what's wrong with me. Doctor says I should feel better in 3 days. I had my nightgown in the car. I was ready for a hospital stay.

I'm disappointed that I will lose a week and have to go through the minor surgery again, plus getting used to the pump. But it's nice to have a few days off the pump to feel free again. I should have a nice weekend.

We stop and have a nice lunch at Eggs & Things. I relax all day, talk on the phone. We have a light dinner and watch TV. I needed to share what had happened, called Frank's mom and Chris. My mom called me so I had plenty of outlets.

I'm glad that Mom felt free of the pump, but I was mostly concerned that she had now gone several months without any chemo treatments.

Orange Sherbet Pushups

Thursday October 22, 1992

Didn't sleep very well, worrying about the pump laying next to me, about getting tangled in the tube or pulling it out. At 6 a.m. I am vomiting even though I took the anti-nausea medicine. I feel terrible and spend the day in bed. The Compazine suppositories work a bit better. I wash my dirty hair in the kitchen sink but that's all I accomplish.

Frank brings me toast and juice and orange sherbet pushups. I love them when I'm sick. He found them at Ralph's. Bless his heart. The only market in town that has them. At 1:30 Frank takes Joseph to the dentist for a root canal. It's 5 when he gets home.

I couldn't face changing my dressings and flushing the catheter, but finally had to do it at 11 a.m. So nervous. But with Frank's help, not too bad. Thank God for Frank! One in a million.

I have always admired the fact that no matter how poorly she felt, Mom wrote in her journal every day, something I have not been able to do. I am now in my 4th year of publishing Mom's journal that she wrote in just 2. Up until now, it has been a mostly enjoyable journey, but as she approaches her last 1/2 year of life, I know there will be more pain and suffering and it will be harder and harder to me to turn the page.

I took Compazine pills this same year during my pregnancy with Derek when I was nauseous 24/7. They didn't do a thing. I can understand that it was difficult to sleep for worrying about the tube coming out of her chest, and certainly it would be very hard to change the dressing at her surgical site and flush the catheter when she is already nauseous. Frank, you certainly are one in a million! Not too many men would make a run to the only market that carries orange sherbet pushups, take care of the rental houses, take care of a sick wife, AND spend 3-1/2 hours taking Mom's grandson to the dentist. You are amazing and I love you!