Home Town Parade

Up at 7 a.m. I drop off Frank at Erringer and Los Angeles Streets where the parade will begin at 9 a.m. He will walk along with our square dancer friends. They will dance. He will hand out flyers inviting people to join us square dancing on Monday nights.

I drive down to Sinaloa Street where the judging stand and announcer is, near the end of the parade, and find a nice shady spot for my chair next to the curb. Gary, Maria and the boys join me. It's 10 a.m. before the parade reaches us. It's 11:00 before Frank comes by. It's a fine home town type parade. Afterward we all go to the park and eat lunch.

In the evening we go to Verna and Bob's for a potluck and 24 of us play Hand and Foot (card game) at 6 tables until 10:30. It's great fun.

I feel great today!!!

Wow, a 3 exclamation point day! Don't see too many of those. Mom loved a parade. And she still had the energy to go to a party until 10:30 at night afterward. I searched the web for information on their square dancing club and found the video above was taken at the Simi Valley Parade in 2006. The Boots and Slippers Square Dance Club has been around since 1959. I am contacting their president to see if any of the current members were there in 1992 and to let him know how much I appreciate their members who were so helpful to Mom and gave her such joy those last few years. It was the members of this club who stepped up and prepared all the food for the reception after Mom's funeral.

Feeling Better Today

Friday September 18, 1992

Feeling better today. We take a walk and settle into a quiet day. I do some sewing and some typing, some light housework and some reading. Frank keeps busy in the garage and yard as usual.

About 7:30 we go visit Gary and Maria. We stay late (11 pm). It's a good visit. We watch some TV.

I admire Frank for keeping busy with projects around the house. I talked to my Aunt Cathy a couple of days ago, and she told me that Uncle Gene (Mom's brother) stays active by always having a project going in the yard or the house. It keeps both his mind and body healthy. He just turned 84 years old this month.

Back Exercises

Thursday September 17, 1992

Frank has walked to his carving class so I say my prayers, do visualization and back exercises, then take off for my 20 minute walk. It takes me awhile to get cleaned up. The weather has warmed up and I'm over-reacting to the heat. It's so hard to put on makeup when the sweat keeps running off it. And hard to curl my hair when it's wet with sweat. After lunch I go shopping for clothes to wear to dinner on the cruise.

We go out to dinner at Vistas at the Radisson Hotel. It's nice. I have alot of tumor pain this evening.

According to Wikipedia: "In the U.S., acute low back pain is the fifth most common reason for physician visits. About nine out of ten adults experience back pain at some point in their life, and five out of ten working adults have back pain every year." I remember Mom teaching me some stretching exercises in the tent while we were camping at Lake Don Pedro. I was only in my 30s then and had not yet experienced back pain. Over the last decade however, I have experienced more than my share, especially after suffering from a herniated disc in 2008, followed by back surgery. I have done some of the exercises Mom showed me as well as some given to me by physical therapists over the years, several from the examples shown above. For the last 4 years since my back surgery I get the most relief from back pain by taking aqua aerobics 4X/week.

Ugh! All that sweating sounds miserable. Maybe the reason she's sweating is because she's using a hot curling iron around her face! What women go through to be attractive!

I Feel Light-Headed Today

Wednesday September 16, 1992

Frank gets up at 7:30. I get up at 8:00, dress and off we go to breakfast at Eggs & Things. I feel light-headed. When we get home I lay down for an hour. I feel better and get cleaned up. It's noon when I come down.

I give Frank a perm. I feel fine now. I took Tylenol on an empty stomach this morning when I got up. Maybe that's what made me light-headed.

We skip lunch. I'm worried about feeling good on our cruise. We have alot of money tied up in excursions in each port. I have to feel good almost every day at 6:30 a.m.

We have a light dinner and a quiet evening.

I usually feel nauseous whenever I take pills on an empty stomach, but never light-headed. Giving Frank a perm would definitely make my stomach queasy. The ammonia smell is horrible. Mom always gave Frank a perm every couple of months, and she taught him how to give her one as well. She loved to give me perms even when I was a toddler. I have always had baby-fine hair that is stick-straight. The perms gave me a nice curl and some body, but Mom was not gentle when she gave a perm. She always pulled too hard. I imagine that is part of the reason that Frank is now bald!

A Visit With Paul, Judy & Tayler

Tuesday September 15, 1992

Frank left for carving class at 8 a.m. I arose at 8:15. I dressed and took off for my walk. when I returned I had breakfast and got cleaned up.

Judy called and invited us for dinner. Paul will make spaghetti. I called Debby. We will all go to see her and the kids at 3 p.m. Phil will be at work.

I feel real good today. We arrive at Paul and Judy's at 2:30. Tayler is sleeping still at 3:30 so Frank and I go alone to see Deb, Joey and Sara. As usual Sara is overjoyed to see us. Joey looks thin in the face, especially his teeth seem too large for his face. We visit for an hour or so then return to Paul and Judy's where Paul has made us a spaghetti dinner. Tayler is so tiny but not thin. We stay til 8:30. I have felt wonderful all day.

Paul is Frank's son who lives in Palmdale, about a one-hour drive from Simi Valley. Paul drives more than an hour each way to his job for the Los Angeles Dept of Water and Power. Paul and his lovely wife Judy made a great couple, but sadly have since divorced. I have no photos of their daughter Tayler as an infant, but I did find this one that was taken 8 years later of Paul, Judy, Tayler and their son Nick. Frank's other son Phillip is also divorced from his ex-wife Debby.

Thank God for Computers!

Monday September 14, 1992

Up and off to get my nails done at 10:45. I brought home chili dogs for lunch. I worked on the laundry and did some typing. I tried to finish my memories of Arkansas. I wrote it 3 years ago and want to type it but my typewriter broke down again.

At 7:30 we went square dancing. This is the first night of the new class. We have a good time seeing friends. After dancing til 9:30 we go to Hudson's Grill with 25 friends til 11:00.

Sleeping very well. Trying to do visualization at least once a day. I relax and go inside my belly. I paint all the cancer and tumors with a big paint brush dipped in potent medicine that shrinks and kills cancer.

Mom's journal and all her letters that I saved are handwritten. I know that computers were around in 1992, but not near as common or easy to use as they are today. I can just imagine Mom struggling with an old typewriter like the one pictured above. Thank God typewriters have been replaced by computers, where you can type quickly, easily make corrections, print and save electronically. Not only that, but with a web-based program like this one, it is there for all the world to see years in the future. Too bad I never came across her memories of Arkansas. I'm sure she put alot of work into it as she did with her journals.

Boating With Baby Derek

Sunday September 13, 1992

Feeling tired and run down most of the day. I'm still walking 1 mile each morning. I can feel the difference in my body already.

I call Gary. He's feeling better but weak. I call Chris. They went boating yesterday. The baby loved it. He is sleeping all night 8-6a.m. He's 8 weeks old now.

We have an average day. Frank is always so busy. He's doing some brick work in the back yard now.

Joan called. We had a good visit. She's feeling pretty well except for a couple of days each month due to Kemo.

Wow, I am amazed that Mom can feel a difference in her body after walking a mile for 3 days!

The photo above is taken in the summer of 1990 at Lake Sonoma. It is our 1986 Beachcraft that we bought early in 1990. We used the heck out of that boat, exploring different lakes all over California every almost weekend that year and the next. This was probably our first outing in the boat in 1992 due to my pregnancy and new baby. But now Derek is 8 weeks old and we are out on the lake. As I recall the noise of the engine put him right to sleep. We took the boat out on Lake Powell in July 1993 and hit a rock that was lurking just under the surface of the water near Bullfrog Marina. That was scary! I was afraid I would have to swim to shore with a one-year-old baby. Fortunately, shore was only 1/4 mile away and we managed to limp there with the broken boat and spend the night on the shoreline. We replaced that boat with a 1990 Reinell that is very similar to the Beachcraft except that it has an open bow. The Reinell still sits in our driveway, but after almost 20 years has never been used as much as that Beachcraft was. This year Ric finally towed the old Beachcraft to the dump. It felt a little sad because of all the good memories that boat held.

On The Phone

Saturday September 12, 1992

Up at 8:30, breakfast and a one-mile walk at 9 a.m. Don't feel too well today. Crawled back into bed at 10:30 with chills and slept 1 hour more.

Cathy Thomas called to invite us to dinner for Lisa's birthday. Verna called to invite us to potluck and card game next Saturday night. Phil returned Frank's call while he was gone. Called Mom. So wasn't cleaned up til 2:15. Feeling some better. Called Maria. Gary's sick in bed with stomach flu.

At 7:30 we go square dancing. It's an ice cream social and Happy Squares. We have a great time. I feel good and do well.

Mom loved to talk. We would talk about once per week and be on the phone for 2 hours or more. So even though we lived 400 miles apart, we were still very close. I am starting to realize that it wasn't just me that Mom would be on the phone with for hours! Her social life was very busy.

I Walk A Mile

Friday September 11, 1992

We sleep in. Frank and I walk 1 mile for my first day back to walking. I do fine. Not too tired. Frank later takes his 4-mile walk alone while I get cleaned up.

I spend most of the day reading all the old newspapers. We have dinner. Then I get a phone call from Roz. She tells me Gail, my old working companion, has died. She was bleeding internally and wouldn't go to the doctor. When she did she died 15 hours later. I'm in shock. She was like a daughter to me. She was 41 and left a 9-year-old daughter. I still can't believe it. I call and talk to her husband, Jim. It's so sad.

Wow, first my coworker Sharon passes away, and now Mom's coworker Gail. Sharon was 55 and lived a full life, but Gail was so young. Her daughter must have been devastated.

Now the Dog Has a Tumor

Thursday September 10, 1992

Frank is up early and off to his wood carving class. I'm up and ready when he returns at 12:00. I had a bad morning due to perspiring profusely but other than that I feel real good.

At 3:30 we take Punkin to the vet. He examines the lump on her belly. It is 1/3 the size it was a week ago. He tests some fluid from it and says it is a fatty tumor, not likely to be malignant. Thank God.

We rent a movie and go out for yogurt. The movie is The Doctor, about a doctor who gets a malignant throat cancer. It details how he feels and deals with his disease. It doesn't bother me at all to watch it.

With this entry I begin Book 5 of her journal. Just one more to go. I know it is going to get more and more emotional for me as I approach the end and hear of her suffering.

I had a hard time finding a photo of a dog that looked like Punkin. Basically she was a mutt but looked alot like the dog in the above photo. I didn't know she had a tumor. My childhood dog Cinnamon had a huge tumor on her belly and finally had to be put to sleep when it burst through the skin.

I remember "The Doctor" starring William Hurt. It seemed a bit depressing to me. I wonder why it didn't bother Mom. Maybe she was still in denial about her own cancer.

A Fatal Decision

Wednesday September 9, 1992

I feel better today but it's still noon when I'm ready. We slept in. I'm anxious to hear from Dr. Schwartz. He finally calls about 12:30. NCI reports there are many studies going on with combination of drugs. Nothing conclusive. He has talked to Dr. Semrad. Out of 8 Dr. Senrad has treated for ovarian cancer, 3 are still in complete remission, 2 had partial results, and 3 did not respond. Dr. Schwartz feels comfortable with that choice. I tell him I will miss him. He wants me to keep in touch.

I call Dr. Senrad. He thinks it will be fine to wait til we return from our trip to start my treatment from him. He'll put the catheter in on October 20. I'm comfortable with that.

We go to Gary's at 4:30 to stay with the boys. Maria has doctor appointment at 4. When they get home we all go out to dinner to celebrate Frank's birthday (late).

I remember this day well. I was so angry with Mom. Her CT scan from August 17 shows her abdomen is riddled with cancer and she has not had chemotherapy for months. Now she's going to wait another 2 months to start chemotherapy again. I read ahead in her journal and she finally started chemo with the pump shown above on November 10. That's another 2 months to wait! What's more important, a Mediterranean cruise or her life? I am angry just thinking about it again now. Was Mom back in denial?

Fruit Cobbler

Tuesday September 8, 1992

Bad morning. I don't want to get up. After a late breakfast, I try to get cleaned up but keep having to lay down. Finally I'm dressed and makeup on and hair curled and now I feel alot better. I feel better the rest of the day as I do the wash and read all the newspapers from the past week.

We have a light lunch and light dinner. I make a fruit cobbler and eat some about 8 p.m. I feel awful in my tummy til bedtime. I must eat light and carefully and only when I'm hungry or I'm going to feel bad. I won't get my money's worth on our cruise, I'm sure.

Dr. Schwartz calls to say he'll talk to Dr. Semrad tomorrow and will call after.

Does she really need to curl her hair and put on makeup to do laundry and read all day? If it makes her feel better, I guess she does. I can relate to what she says about watching what she eats. Doctors say not to eat for 3 hours before bedtime in order to sleep better and avoid overtaxing the digestive system and retaining fat and calories overnight. I know this in my head and understand it rationally, but I continually eat sweets just before bed. The worst is chocolate! It gives me acid reflux every single time and I wake up in the middle of the night burping acid. Why do I eat chocolate when I know this is what will happen? Mom's immune system is already overtaxed while it tries to fight off an invasion of cancer cells, and adding sugar to her diet is just like adding poison. How will she resist all those desserts on the cruise ship?

Mr. Right For Carol

Monday September 7, 1992

We're up and packed and ready to go about 10:30. Carol calls. We arrange to meet in the Big Apple at 11 a.m. We listen to jazz together til 1 p.m. We say our goodbyes. Harry seems nice. I hope this will be Mr. Right for Carol and she can spend the rest of her days with him.

We have lunch at Carls Jr. nearby and head home. We stop at Gary and Maria's to see how Maria is feeling. Her chest pain is gone but she still feels icky from her medicine. We stay a couple of hours. Her sisters Anna and Rosa come to visit. The kids swim.

I'm really tired when we got home. I take a nap. Later we go to eat Japanese at Kin of Japan.

OK, I just got the chills reading her first paragraph. Her good friend Carol and her first husband Jay had been divorced for several decades and Carol was happily single all those years. Mom is hoping that Carol's new boyfriend Harry will be Mr. Right. Little did she know that her very own Mr. Right Frank would become Carol's Mr. Right also several years later. This is the photo I received with Frank and Carol's Christmas card last year. They have been married almost 10 years.

Mom doesn't say why Maria had chest pains and I don't recall hearing about this. I'll have to give her a call.