Back Exercises

Thursday September 17, 1992

Frank has walked to his carving class so I say my prayers, do visualization and back exercises, then take off for my 20 minute walk. It takes me awhile to get cleaned up. The weather has warmed up and I'm over-reacting to the heat. It's so hard to put on makeup when the sweat keeps running off it. And hard to curl my hair when it's wet with sweat. After lunch I go shopping for clothes to wear to dinner on the cruise.

We go out to dinner at Vistas at the Radisson Hotel. It's nice. I have alot of tumor pain this evening.

According to Wikipedia: "In the U.S., acute low back pain is the fifth most common reason for physician visits. About nine out of ten adults experience back pain at some point in their life, and five out of ten working adults have back pain every year." I remember Mom teaching me some stretching exercises in the tent while we were camping at Lake Don Pedro. I was only in my 30s then and had not yet experienced back pain. Over the last decade however, I have experienced more than my share, especially after suffering from a herniated disc in 2008, followed by back surgery. I have done some of the exercises Mom showed me as well as some given to me by physical therapists over the years, several from the examples shown above. For the last 4 years since my back surgery I get the most relief from back pain by taking aqua aerobics 4X/week.

Ugh! All that sweating sounds miserable. Maybe the reason she's sweating is because she's using a hot curling iron around her face! What women go through to be attractive!

The Gospel Hour with Marty and Kathy

Sunday September 6, 1992

We're up early. We will meet Marty and Kathy at 9 a.m. for the gospel program, one hour of church choir, a young black group, and one hour of sing-along church songs. This is my favorite part of the festival. I love to sing the songs. I know most of them by heart from my younger years of attending church regularly. Frank sings too and quite well. Marty and Kathy like it alot.

We spend the day until 11 p.m. taking them to hear all the best groups. They love it and want to go again. We have lunch and dinner outside at the pool, listening to groups play for us. We see Carol a few times.

I felt much better today.

Mom's friend Carol got Mom and Frank hooked on both square dancing and jazz festivals. Now Mom and Frank have got Marty and Kathy hooked on square dancing and now jazz festivals as well. I lost touch with Marty and Kathy after Mom's death, but was happy to receive a Christmas card from them last year with this photo. They look just the same 20 years later! They live in Arizona now.

I can't help wondering why Mom doesn't go to church regularly like she did as a young girl. She always goes to the gospel hour at the jazz festivals in Monterey, Sacramento and Los Angeles, and she talks about how the gospel hour is her favorite part. She believes in the power of prayer and her faith is strong. Wouldn't it help her to be surrounded by other believers all praying for her and for each other? I have been a part of a prayer group at my church for many years where we pray together for our kids. My church also has a prayer group for people battling cancer. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

Seeing My Enemy Made It Real

Thursday September 3, 1992

Kinda bummed today. I really knew the CAT would not be good news but seeing my enemy really made it real. At least I know what to visualize now I've seen it. But we hadn't known about the blanket on my abdomen wall. I seem to feel more pain and discomfort today.

I call my Mom to give her the latest news. She was distressed, but reassuring that God would answer our prayers and heal me. I called Cathy Thomas also.

I must step up my praying and do the visualization exercises daily.

I have the sinking feeling that seeing her enemy yesterday will be a turning point for Mom. Up to this point she is happily living her life as if nothing is wrong, blissfully in denial. I guess that saying "Ignorance Is Bliss" applied in this situation. Maybe it's better not to see the enemy?

Praying Together

Monday June 2, 1992

I am up and busy early--laundry, trim plants on patio. Frank helps me with a perm. I have much planned for today, a busy schedule.

Sally, Frank's ex-wife, calls at 11:30. She wants to come at 12:30 to visit. I hesitate, but quickly realize her visit is much more important than the plans I had. She arrives at 1 p.m. and leaves at 4 p.m. We have a really great visit. We pray together, twice. She has a bite of lunch with Frank and I about 2 p.m. He only came home to eat 1/2 hour. Sally says she comes here for a lift because I'm so positive. As soon as she leaves my Gledhill tenants arrive with the rent. They stay 45 minutes.

We go square dancing--graduation night. We have a great dinner there!

Mom is so generous with her time, putting aside her own plans in order to encourage a friend, and not just any friend, but Frank's ex-wife. Mom was like that, always trying to be positive and encouraging to others even though she was the one battling a deadly disease. This is the first time I have heard her mention praying with someone. Up until now it seems like her faith and her prayer life was very private. I'm glad she had the experience of praying out loud with a friend, something I do on a regular basis with my Christian friends. Matthew 18:20 says "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." I'm sure Mom felt God's presence this day.

I Believe in Miracles

Thursday April 23, 1992

Another great energy day! Hal calls to say they took the tube out of Joan's throat so I can call her. I call her right away and we have a good talk. Her voice is hoarse from the tube. I encourage her to quit working. She was to retire in June anyway. She's not sure what she wants to do with her last year. I tell her to do whatever she wants to do without hesitation. That's what we've been doing.

Then I said, "I'm not giving up on you. I believe in miracles and if you believe, really stay optimistic, there is always hope. It's not over til it's over. I am praying every day for you and for me as well as others." She said she's sorry I have cancer too but it makes her feel we have a common bond.

We go to dinner at Steer & Stein and have a great steak dinner.

The pastor of my church just finished a series of sermons called Come & See, Come & Grow, Come & Serve. As Mom writes this entry, I am reminded of pastor's question "Are You A Gepper?" at week 3 Come & Serve. One of the ways we can serve God is to be a "Gepper":

G = GREET everyone who comes within 10 feet of you. Make eye contact, say hello, and touch gently on the arm or shoulder. Mom called our neighbor Joan in the hospital to greet her as soon as Joan was able to talk on the phone. She didn't wait until it was more convenient.

E = ENCOURAGE that person in whatever they are going through. Mom was a great encourager to Joan who was also battling cancer and was given just one year to live. She inspired her with her words, her actions and her attitude. She encouraged her to quit her job and live out the rest of her life, however long she had, doing whatever she loved doing the most.

P = PRAY for the person. Mom told Joan she was praying for her every day. Even better would be to pray for her right there on the phone.

Praying for Chris

Tuesday April 14, 1992

I wake about 6 a.m. but force myself back to sleep until 8 a.m. At 8:30 Frank takes off to walk to his carving class at the senior center. I spend the morning finishing the huge wash I started yesterday. Then I change my clothes, bringing my summer clothes into our closet. My left foot heel still has the same pain in the bone since we went to Florida.

Chris called last night. They now think she is diabetic. She knows now her blood pressure was 80/0 when she had her heart problem. She's worried about damage to the baby at that time. The diabetes could cause complications too. She's still sick everyday and must go back to work on 2 days and doesn't know how. I said we must continue to pray for her health and for a healthy baby. I pray daily for her and others. Please God give her a normal healthy baby and restore Chris' health.

A few months before my appendectomy I had to visit the emergency room at Memorial Hospital in Santa Rosa due to my racing heart (tachycardia) that refused to slow down. They checked my blood pressure at that time and it was 80/0. My pulse was 180 beats per minute, about 3 times faster than normal. I was very uncomfortable and was sweating profusely. I had these episodes several times per year since I was a little girl, but had learned how to slow down my racing heart. I was told by my doctor that during pregnancy the volume of blood increases dramatically in the mother, putting more stress on the heart. I was no longer able to get my heart to slow down when it was racing. The resulting low blood pressure was indeed dangerous to the baby. Before I got pregnant with my last child, Ryan, I had heart surgery in San Jose to burn (called "Ablation") the portion of my heart that had an electrical malfunction. Amazingly, when Ryan was born the following year (1995) he too had a heart issue and had heart surgery when he was 5 years old. So six months into my pregnancy I had already experienced heart problems, appendicitis, possible diabetes, and the neverending nausea and vomiting that kept me bedridden much of the day. Maybe that is why they suspected diabetes. My diet consisted of a box of soda crackers everyday along with 7-Up! I couldn't keep much of anything else down.

I Still Pray Every Day

Friday March 13, 1992

We slept in til 8:45. Frank really needed that. After breakfast he so patiently and carefully and lovingly colors my hair for me. Then he is off to the Gledhill house to replace the garbage disposal. He's gone about 3 hours.

I do some housework, make some phone calls, and finish my sewing, getting new clothes ready for the cruise. I'm feeling very well these days. Still a bit slow getting started in the morning, but then mornings have always been my slow time. I still pray every day at least once. I ask God to be merciful and touch my body, healing it, killing all the cancers and allow me to live to see the grandchildren grow up to adult. Then I pray for everyone I know in need.

Wow, that is so sweet of Frank of color Mom's hair, and the way she describes it is like a tender act of love. He is such a thoughtful man.

Yes, it takes me a while to get moving in the morning too. I never could undersand how some people can bounce out of bed excited to start the day.

Mom only went to church on Easter and an occasional Sunday. She never talked to me about her faith or about prayer. I think to her it was private and personal. I do not know if she prayed every day before her cancer diagnosis, but getting the news that she had a terminal disease seems to have brought her closer to God. As much as we like to think we are in control of our lives, in fact, at some point, most of us come to understand that we are in control of very little, actually, and that we need to trust in God.

I'm Feeling More Vulnerable

Monday January 13, 1992

We're a little tired and depressed today, probably from the movie. Frank walks to the shopping center and buys two magazines with articles about ovarian cancer which we read. I guess I'm feeling more vulnerable than usual today with such bad news about ovarian cancer. We go to lunch at Carl's Jr.

After dinner we attend a general meeting of our club before the class dance. We are elected to Sheriff and we volunteer to a couple of other jobs. Now we must attend board meetings every month.

We dance two hours with the class and come home.

Mom knew her prognosis was poor from the moment she was diagnosed. I remember her telling me her chances of surviving 5 years was 15%. She rejected those statistics for herself though, believing in prayer and the power of a positive attitude. This is the first time I have seen doubt creep into her journal. Even today, 20 years later, the death rate from ovarian cancer is very high. Great strides have been made in lowering the death rate in breast cancer because of better screening and early detection. With ovarian cancer, there is no screening for early detection and there are no symptoms early in the disease. Most ovarian cancers are discovered after the cancer has metastasized to other parts of the body, as was the case with Mom.

Prayers

Sunday October 27, 1991

I slept 10 hours very soundly. Up and ready for another day at Lemona. Interesting groups looking at the house. We decide we will pick someone from the applications we have.

I'm feeling pretty good. I lay down on the floor for a half hour to rest the pull on my incision. Other than that I'm operating pretty normal.

I prayed alot this morning, asking God to heal my incision hole and my incision in general. I also asked God to send us someone we could feel comfy with renting to today. And of course I asked him to dissolve my cancers and heal me.

Most of us pray for our health and our families health and happiness. Those are God's departments, mostly out of our control. I am touched though that mom asked God to bring them a good tenant. Mom and Frank had 4 rental houses; Ric and I have 9, so I can really relate to her rental woes. Sometimes I think being a landlord is "my job" not God's, but the truth is God is in charge of everything. I often pray for my tenants finances so they can pay their rent, and for God to bring us a good tenant when a house is vacant. I'm glad to know mom did too.