Last Camping Trip

Friday January 29, 1993

Slept well. Awake at 7. Ready to get up and ready to leave with our trailer to camp at Lake Casitas if Mom is OK. I call her at Kaiser Hospital. She's feeling good and her rectal bleeding has stopped. I feel it's OK to go camping. I'll call her from there.

We leave home about 1 p.m. and arrive at Casitas about 2:15. It's not far from home. Harold and Joan are there already. By 9:30 p.m. there are 12 RVs of our friends. It's been a beautiful day, but why do I have this thought that this is my last trip with our trailer? My shoulder is still hurting a lot.

Watched a movie Harold had.

OK, there it is. She is starting to realize and appreciate her "lasts". Mom always did enjoy their camping trips with their square dancing club. It was a big part of her social life. Having 12 RVs at the campground at Lake Casitas near Santa Barbara reminds me of a circle of wagon trains with a campfire and music in the middle. It does sound like fun.

Shoulder Pain

Thursday January 28, 1993

After taking Tylenol every 4 hours through the night for the pain in my right shoulder I awake surprisingly rested. I feel pretty good otherwise also. In the afternoon I go get the car washed and go to the bank. At home I make some spaghetti sauce. It tastes OK but I only have a little.

At 6:00 our friends start to arrive. By 6:30 all 8 of us are ready to load into 2 cars and drive to Moorpark to see the melodrama. We enjoy the melodrama from 7-10 p.m. My shoulder is aching all night even though I took a pain pill. I'm exhausted when we get home at 10:30.

I'm wondering if she asked Dr. Semrad yesterday about the reason for her shoulder pain. My dad's second wife died of cancer a few years ago and her first symptom was shoulder pain. I was told by a nurse friend that is frequently the first symptom of cancer. Perhaps because that joint is close to a major lymph node?

Last Resort

Wednesday January 27, 1993

Up at 7 to the alarm. I slept well but wish I could sleep another hour. I feel pretty good again today. I prayed last night for several good days in a row, so I can go to the melodrama Thursday night and camping this weekend. I hope my prayers are answered.

At Dr. Semrad at 10:30 he says he doesn't think the kemo has done anything in the past 2 weeks and will check again in 2 weeks and may take me off the pump. He suggested we may want to try Taxol next. I said I think of that as the last resort. He pretty much agreed.

I felt down and depressed when we left. We went to Marie Callendar's for salad and then to Costco. I was so sure this kemo would be the one. Could I pray more?

Mom's last mention of chemotherapy using taxol was September 2, 1992, almost 5 months earlier. She wrote, "I'd have to go to UCLA once a week for a 2-day stay to have it injected and the cost would be thousands for us to pay." At that time Taxol was a fairly new chemotherapy drug and probably not covered by her medical insurance. Was the cost what kept her from fighting her cancer with the most aggressive treatment, or was it the possible side effects? Maybe it was the inconvenience of spending 2 days per week at UCLA. From all the traveling Mom and Frank did and the number of times each week they went out to dinner, it did not seem that money was scarce for them.

Funeral

Tuesday January 26, 1993

Thanks to prayer I sleep well and wake up feeling well enough to get up at 7 and get ready to leave at 9:30 to go to Whittier to Uncle Phillip's funeral. We meet Phil at Gary's house in Mission Hills and he rides with us. There are lots of people at the funeral, maybe 150+. It's a lovely chapel, an open casket. Uncle Phillip looks pale. The 3 teenage grandchildren carry one side of the casket. Nice!

Afterward we go to Mike and Lori's. Their neighbors have prepared a lovely lunch. I eat very well. It all tastes real good to me. We get home about 5 p.m. I'm tired but OK. It was a good day. I loved seeing everyone.

Mom doesn't say anything here about her own funeral, which surprises me. Her journal would be the place to share her private thoughts. This will be the last funeral where Mom will be present this side of heaven, and the last time she will see many of the people attending. I'm glad she had a good day.

I Have a Great Talk with Niece Lynne

Monday January 25, 1993

I slept real well. I took Tylenol every 3 hours for the shoulder pain. I awake with indigestion, probably from too much Tylenol. I manage some cereal and orange juice. I lay around until 11 a.m. Finally I shower and have a tuna sandwich for lunch. I feel a little better but I still have a terrible backache so keep taking Tylenol and Digel for the indigestion. I spend the day relaxing on the couch.

At 6 p.m. we go out for spaghetti and pizza. I don't feel well after I eat it. I have a stomach ache and indigestion persists. My arm is aching. It's Tylenol time.

Frank goes square dancing. I feel a little better about 8:00. I have a great talk with niece Lynne when she calls.

So glad to hear that Frank went square dancing when Mom was not up to it. I think Mom's visit with her niece Lynne, pictured above at my baby shower in 1992 with Mom, lifted her spirits. Lynne was very close to Mom, and even spoke at her funeral. Mom was the kind of woman that people turned to for advice because she was very wise. After Mom passed away, there was a bit of a role reversal. Lynne's mother, my Aunt Cathy, became my surrogate Mom and we have become quite close, just like Lynne and Mom were.

It doesn't seem like spaghetti and pizza was a good choice when Mom already has indigestion and upset stomach. Too spicy!

Sleepless in Simi

Sunday January 24, 1993

The wind blew hard all night and made so much noise I didn't sleep well at all. It won't be a good day. We have a waffle breakfast and I go back to bed until 11. I shower and get dressed. I'm not hungry for lunch so snack through the day on fruit and popcorn. I feel yucky.

I read newspapers all afternoon. By dinner time I feel nauseous. I eat some soup. Later I eat a scrambled egg and toast so I won't wake up sick in the night. My shoulder is still hurting all day. I hope I sleep well.

Oh yes! When I don't sleep well, I feel yucky too. I am amazed that no matter how yucky Mom feels she still takes the time to write in her journal.

Daisy Didn't Bark

Saturday January 23, 1993

Awoke feeling rested and great. Daisy didn't bark and wake me up last night and I only got up once to go potty. How well I sleep definitely has an effect on how I feel.

I had a bowl of cereal and washed my hair, got cleaned up with no sweats. I frosted 48 cupcakes, went to the bank, had a Carl's chicken sandwich for lunch, ironed my clothes to wear tonight.

Karen King came at 1 p.m. and we visited while Frank showed her how to trim rose bushes. Then I rested for an hour. At 5:15 we left for Bobby McGee's in Burbank for dinner with Phil, Deb, Gary and Maria to celebrate the girl's birthdays on the 27th.

Thank you Lord for answer to prayer and a good day.

From the time I was about 8 years old we always had a dog, sometimes two dogs. In 1993 Mom and Frank had two mutts, Pumpkin, pictured on the left, and Daisy, pictured on the right, sitting for a treat from Justin. They were well-mannered dogs and Mom loved them. My current family has always had two dogs also. Right now we have male and female Boston Terriers, Brutus and Zoey. They are inside dogs so they only bark if there is a loud commotion in the house or in front of the house. Daisy and Pumpkin were outside dogs, since it is much warmer at night in Southern California than it is in Windsor. That's probably why they often barked at noises during the night. While Mom was battling cancer she tried to get outside and walk the dogs around the neighborhood. They enjoyed that.

So glad Mom had a good night's sleep. That is so important, and especially when fighting a deadly disease. Look how much energy she had! She had a very productive day, and a long one! When I have a sleepless night I am good for nothing the next day! No wonder she is thanking God.

Uncle Phillip Died Today

Friday January 22, 1993

I don't feel well again today. I have the digestion pain, but manage a piece of toast. I stay in bed. About 1 p.m. I feel better except I feel tired and weak. I manage to shower and clean up but I have trouble with sweating so it's 3 p.m. or later before I'm able to come downstairs.

About 5:30 I eat some noodles with Swedish meatballs. It tastes good. Later I eat a cupcake. I'm tired but feel pretty good. My other symptoms are gone.

Frank hears from his mom that Uncle Phillip died this morning. He had gallbladder surgery yesterday. Suddenly he had a heart attack very early this morning. Not fair! He was so vital for 75. We certainly did not expect this. We are in shock. We go to bed at 11.

Yikes! Gallbladder surgery is pretty routine, almost like having the appendix removed. I have had both removed, appendix in 1992 and gallbladder in 2009.