What Does My Future Hold?

Sunday January 31, 1993

I didn't sleep so well. My shoulder keeps me awake. I don't feel as well when I get up about 8:30. It's 10:30 when I finally go outside to visit. Everyone has decided to come back here Memorial Day. Frank picks out a campsite. Will I be able? What condition will I be in by then? Or even March 5 when we're supposed to go to Monterey? What do I have to look forward to? What does my future hold? It's hard to plan the future. For Frank's sake I must keep planning ahead or allow him to. We must stay optimistic. We hope to go to Bakersfield for the square dance weekend March 19.

Everyone walks to the marina. I drive Jim and Penny. It's a gorgeous day. We leave for home about 2.

My curiosity got the best of me and I looked forward to those dates in her journal. Amazingly, she did make it to Monterey and Bakersfield in March, but she would pass away before the Memorial Day trip. Reality is definitely setting in and Mom is realizing that the end is near.

Campfire

Saturday January 30, 1993

Slept very well in our trailer. At 10:00 I call Mom but she's gone for tests. We visit with our friends, then take a drive around to see all the many campgrounds around the lake. It's a pretty day but breezy.

I call Mom around noon. They have found 2 ulcers in her stomach. That's probably where her bleeding came from. They also checked her bone marrow and her rectum.

I'm tired and lay down for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Karen comes in to visit with me. I like her a lot. She really cares about me.

We have a nice potluck at 5 and spend the night around the campfire. I rest in the trailer from 8-9. We go to bed at 11:15.

Having 2 bleeding ulcers is not funny at all, but I had to chuckle when I heard that Grandma Helen had this problem, because as far back as I remember, she put lots of hot sauce on absolutely everything! It was like her tastebuds were numb, so the spicier the better. No wonder after years of spicy food, she developed ulcers.

That was sweet of Mom's friend to come in to visit her while she was resting. I'll bet that lifted her spirits.

That sounds like so much fun to circle around the campfire on a cool January night with 12 other couples. What a party! Makes me want to find an RV club. We hardly ever use ours. Frank and his new wife Carol still go RVing with their square dancing friends a couple times every year.

Last Camping Trip

Friday January 29, 1993

Slept well. Awake at 7. Ready to get up and ready to leave with our trailer to camp at Lake Casitas if Mom is OK. I call her at Kaiser Hospital. She's feeling good and her rectal bleeding has stopped. I feel it's OK to go camping. I'll call her from there.

We leave home about 1 p.m. and arrive at Casitas about 2:15. It's not far from home. Harold and Joan are there already. By 9:30 p.m. there are 12 RVs of our friends. It's been a beautiful day, but why do I have this thought that this is my last trip with our trailer? My shoulder is still hurting a lot.

Watched a movie Harold had.

OK, there it is. She is starting to realize and appreciate her "lasts". Mom always did enjoy their camping trips with their square dancing club. It was a big part of her social life. Having 12 RVs at the campground at Lake Casitas near Santa Barbara reminds me of a circle of wagon trains with a campfire and music in the middle. It does sound like fun.

The Elusive Grunion

Saturday August 15, 1992

Lazed in bed til 8 a.m. By 10 I'm out visiting. Frank has taken a nice walk. We ride our bikes a bit. After lunch we play cards with Joan and Harold. Then we all walk to the store for ice cream. We drive across the highway to the beach. It's a nice beach but too far for me to walk. We may drive there tonight for grunion hunting.

I make chicken enchiladas for our potluck dinner. They turn out real good. I take 2 plates of cookies as well. We have lots of good food, then some play cards. Frank plays. I watch a video.

About 11:30 we all go down to the beach to catch grunion. No grunion. We're in bed by 1 a.m.

What is this grunion hunting? From the time my brother and I were very small my parents would drag us to the beach in the middle of the night at least once every summer to go grunion hunting. We would be bundled up in blankets trying to keep warm. It was always cold and sometimes it was foggy too. I never saw a grunion. I thought it must be a myth, so I did a little research on the subject. The California Department of Fish & Game says, "Along southern California's sandy beaches, from March through September, one of the most remarkable life cycles in the sea is completed; the California grunion comes ashore to spawn. The grunion has been known to many southern Californians for more than 70 years, but there are still those who are skeptical of its existence. To be invited out in the middle of the night to go fishing with only a gunny sack and light for equipment does sound a little ridiculous, but in reality this is the most popular method.

California grunion are small silvery fish found only along the coast of southern California and northern Baja California. Most sportsmen would be unaware of their existence were it not for the unique spawning behavior of these fish. Unlike other fish, grunion come out of the water completely to lay their eggs in the wet sand of the beach. As if this behavior were not strange enough, grunion make these excursions only on particular nights, and with such regularity that the time of their arrival on the beach can be predicted a year in advance. This phenomenon can be seen on many beaches in southern California. Shortly after high tide, on certain nights, sections of these beaches sometimes are covered with thousands of grunion depositing their eggs in the sand.

Grunion hunting has become one of the famous sports of southern California. Since these fish leave the water to deposit their eggs, they may be picked up while they are briefly stranded. Racing for fish spotted far down the beach and trying to catch them by hand provides an exhilarating experience for young and old. The common sight of thousands of people lining the more popular beaches in southern California in anticipation of a grunion run attests to its ever growing popularity. Often there are more people than fish, but at other times everyone catches fish. All that is needed to catch grunion is a valid State fishing license and a willingness to get one's feet wet.

Gabfest at the Campfire

Friday August 14, 1992

Up and at em! Getting ready to go camping at noon with our trailer. By 1 p.m. we're on our way. We enjoy the drive along the ocean and arrive at 3:45. Joan and Harold are here already. We park next to them. Frank backs the trailer in so good. We get set up, others begin to arrive. By midnight there are 10 families. We have a big gabfest around a fire. We go to bed at 11:30.

Good friends, good CLEAN fun!

Mom doesn't say here, but I assume from her description of the drive that they are going on a camping trip to Gaviota State Beach near Santa Barbara with their square dancing friends again. They went there a few months ago. It's a beautiful spot, but reservations are needed well in advance, especially to book 10 spaces. It's not too far from Simi Valley so a good place to camp for the weekend. I take it from her "clean fun" comment that there is no alcohol being consumed, which can make a large group turn loud and rowdy in a hurry. I remember in 1988 I went camping with a boyfriend and a large group of his friends. They all stayed up til 3 a.m. hooping and hollering drunk and obnoxious. Those are the kind of people everyone in the campground wants to strangle. After that I realized he and his friends were not my kind of people and I broke up with him. Mom and Frank's friends definitely know how to have a good time and don't need alcohol to enjoy themselves.

Oh Thank God We're Home At Last!

Tuesday July 21, 1992

Home at last, home at last, Oh, thank God, we're home at last! Our bed felt soooo good last night. I really handled our 8 days away from home quite well, normal. But it's always good to get home. I spend most of the day doing the huge wash and changing linens and beds. At 12:00 I have my nails done. I cry when I tell Carrie-Lynn that I told Frank when I'm gone I want Gary to have the boat with the understanding that he invite Frank along sometimes. Frank said he knew that's what I wanted and he agreed. Sometimes I think I won't be around too many more years. Most of the time I believe I will be cured of my cancer.

We go out for Chinese dinner.



Mom is a real trooper, willing to sleep on the ground in the heat and the wind, willing to go without a shower for days and use a porta-potty up the hill from their campsite. I grew up camping with my family in the dirt, but a couple of years before this Ric and I had acquired our first truck and camper to pull our new (to us) boat, a 1986 Beachcraft which Ric finally hauled off to the dump just last month. From that time on we were spoiled and rarely sleep on the ground now. A few years later we bought our first motorhome and have bought newer and bigger ones since then. Then in 2003 we bought our first timeshare and now most of our vacationing is in nice condos with hot and cold running water and electricity. We still use our 1995 Rockwood motorhome sometimes where we keep it stored in a campground near Morgan Hill, south of San Jose, CA.

Mom has started to think about her death now, and planning what to do with her assets. Her Kona ski boat with 140 hp Mercury outboard motor was purchased new with my dad in 1971. Dad always kept it garaged and well-maintained, so it was in good shape. My brother Gary did inherit the boat, pictured above with my son Justin and his son Joe seated in the back, but I don't think he uses it much. As for going to Lake Don Pedro, this was Mom's last trip there, and the last time our family met there as well, with the exception of one trip in 2003 when Frank and his son Paul met Ric and I with our two boys at Lake Don Pedro. That time Frank was camping in the campground in his fifth wheel RV, with hookups (water and electricity). He brought two jet skis, and we brought our boat. We set up day camp on the shore, but never again camped out on the shore. Ric and I stayed at our new timeshare at Angels Camp, an hour's drive from the lake.

The Boys Ski To Lake Don Pedro Marina

Friday July 17, 1992

It's a beautiful day at Don Pedro. The boys want to ski alot. We ski them to the marina. We need ice. That's fun.

We have a nice day camping and a real good ham dinner. Everyone eats alot. The wind comes up before 9 p.m. It's really blowing hard when we go to bed at 10 p.m.

We've had a really nice time this week and mostly nice weather. I have felt surprisingly well and normal. I think it was good exercise for me walking up to the potty tent all week and swimming some.



Lake Don Pedro Marina is 8 miles from the camp spot, so a very long ski ride, even for 3 boys taking turns. We usually went to the floating marina store, pictured above, every other day for ice, gas, and/or ice cream. Also, they had real flush toilets there, which was so nice compared to the potty tent we set up near our tents. This was very primitive camping: no tables, no trash cans, no toilets, no showers. Everything we brought in had to be boated out, so when we made a trip to the marina we usually brought a couple plastic bags of trash with us.

Chris' Due Date

Monday July 13, 1992

We awake our first morning at Don Pedro to a beautiful sky and no wind. By 8:30 the guys are skiing. All the boys are skiing really well this year, and they're eager to ski. We have a beautiful day with Marty and Kathy. the weather is near perfect. The afternoon clouds up and looks like rain but no moisture.

We sit up and watch the stars. The full moon is so bright we can't sleep with the shades down.

Gary and Maria make us hamburgers for dinner. It's great!

Our usual campspot was on the shore between the two houseboats on the left side of this photo. We always got up early before the boats arrived from the campground near the dam and chopped up the water and before the wind came up. The water was like glass and great for water skiing. After everyone got to ski, we would come back to camp to make a hearty breakfast.

I first learned to water ski when I was about 6 years old in 1959. At that time we would camp at Lake Nacimiento near Paso Robles. A few years later I learned to ski on a single ski and by then we were camping every year at Lake Don Pedro. The original dam was built in 1923 by the Turlock and Modesto Irrigation District. With a storage capacity of 289,000 acre feet, it was barely able to accommodate the irrigation needs of a single growing season. After numerous dry winters, the Districts decided to replace the original dam with a much larger one in order to store water necessary to bridge multiple dry years. Construction of the new dam, which was much larger, began in 1967 and was completed four years later, primarily to store irrigation water, but also for power generation, flood control and recreation. The old dam is still in place, 250 feet below the surface of the full reservoir. The new dam is 580 feet high, 855 feet above sea level, 1900 feet long at the crest and 40 feet wide at its crest. More than 14 million people have visited this lake since the new dam was completed in 1971. It has 160 miles of shoreline and 13,000 acre-feet of surface area. It is one of the few lakes that allows primitive camping on the shoreline. Not too many people can say they camped there before the "new" dam was built in 1971, but I am one of them. Mom taught her children to ski in the 60s and now she is teaching her grandchildren to ski in the 90s. She was a very patient teacher.

Off To Don Pedro

Sunday July 12, 1992

Up t 6:30 a.m. to get packed and ready for Don Pedro. We leave at 9:20 a.m., pick up Gary and Maria in their van at Marklein house. We stop for lunch along the way. We arrive at Don Pedro at 4:10 p.m. Marty and Kathy are here already waiting for us.

Justin has been really good in the truck driving all day. He read alot.

We manage to get all the camping gear over to our camp spot in 2 loads. Gary does the boat driving. frank, Junior and I set up camp though I'm not really much help. Luckily, it's pretty cool. Not too hot.

By 8 p.m. we're eating dinner of fried chicken, potato salad and beans.

Wow, after I just said in my previous post that we always went to Lake Don Pedro on holiday weekends, here they are leaving on a Sunday morning and spending a full week. When we would camp on a holiday weekend, we would leave home at 9:00 at night, drive in the cool of the evening about 6 hours to the lake, sleep for a few hours on the ground at the launch ramp parking lot, and then be up with the sun to launch the boat and begin making trips to our campsite on the shore with all our camping gear. This had to be done early in the day before the temperatures reached the upper 90s. This trip they arrive at 4 p.m. They are lucky it's not too hot. Our campspot was always right about where the letter N is in the word California on the map pictured above. This is about 8 miles from the Don Pedro Marina launch ramp.

I am home about to give birth to Derek.

I Breathe In Too Much Smoke

Saturday January 18, 1992

Slept very well, warm and cozy but awoke with a tightness in my chest and a worse cough, maybe from breathing in too much smoke at the campfire last night.

We shower in our trailer and join our friends for horseshoes about 9:30. Later we take a walk for an hour or so. I do fine even on the uphills. After lunch we all go for a bike ride to the oceanside campground. We are in the canyon. The downhill is fun but there is no joy in the uphill. I end up walking alot. My heart is pounding and I'm soaking wet. My breathing is labored. Not good for my bad congested chest, but I'm proud that I did it.

At night we have a potluck and a big bonfire and lots of laughs. I breathe in too much smoke!

Too bad they were camping back in the canyon. One of the reasons I have always wanted to camp at El Capitan is the beautiful ocean view with palm trees. I suppose it's very hard to get reservations there since California State Parks are booked up almost a year in advance. It sounds like a good time with friends. For mom, who was used to camping in a tent on the ground, I'm sure it felt like pure luxury.