Worry

Saturday February 6, 1992

Another rotten night and sick and depressing day. I'm too weak and ill to eat. I have no appetite. I only shower--no makeup, no hair curling. My arm still hurts and the Tylenol every 4 hours helps a lot. I'm so depressed. I feel like I'd prefer to die.

Chris calls. I try to sound up for her. I love talking to her but today I feel so much worry for her. She's going back to work February 27. It's not going to be pleasant or healthy for her. It will be a lot of stress and also worry about Derek at home with Ric. She's not strong. I'm also worried about Dolores and the baby. She has a problem with her uterus. Judy has a problem adjusting to 2 children. I'm dressed and downstairs in the evening.

I had no idea Mom felt so rotten at this point in her life. Look at her second paragraph. She says "I try to sound up for her." Why couldn't you be real with me, Mom? Why keep me in the dark? You were always strong and wise when I needed advice or help. Why didn't you allow me to be an encouragement to you? Yes, I had a lot going on in my life with a new baby at 39 years old, and a husband who has never been around babies and is now suddenly having to be Mr. Mom while I go back to a very stressful job. It would be hard and stressful, but we all have our burdens to carry. Mom has enough to worry about without worrying about me, and Dolores (Frank's daughter) and Judy (Frank's daughter-in-law).