I Love Her

Wednesday February 17, 1993

Up at 7. Have been awake since 4:30. I don't feel well when I don't get my sleep. We're ready to leave for doctor at 8:30. Dr. Semrad examines me and says he thinks all the tumors are gone except the one we can feel. He thinks we should leave the pump on as long as I'm tolerating it OK. I had a pretty good week so we go another week. Now he says when we finish with this chemo he wants to try other medication in the pump before we try Taxol. We are somewhat encouraged.

At home I spend the afternoon and evening sitting in the chair, napping off and on. I can't eat dinner but snack later. Frank talks to Cathy Thomas and his mom. Chris calls me. I love her so much and love talking to her.

I hear you, Mom, when I don't get a good night's sleep, I am a mess the next day. As I write this, we just changed from Pacific Standard Time to Daylight Savings Time, and even though it is a difference of just one hour, I have felt jet-lagged all week, and haven't slept well at all.

I love you too Mom, and always looked forward to the weekend when we visited by phone for 2-3 hours. We did have good talks, but how I wish I could have been there in person to hug you and see your face.

Worry

Saturday February 6, 1992

Another rotten night and sick and depressing day. I'm too weak and ill to eat. I have no appetite. I only shower--no makeup, no hair curling. My arm still hurts and the Tylenol every 4 hours helps a lot. I'm so depressed. I feel like I'd prefer to die.

Chris calls. I try to sound up for her. I love talking to her but today I feel so much worry for her. She's going back to work February 27. It's not going to be pleasant or healthy for her. It will be a lot of stress and also worry about Derek at home with Ric. She's not strong. I'm also worried about Dolores and the baby. She has a problem with her uterus. Judy has a problem adjusting to 2 children. I'm dressed and downstairs in the evening.

I had no idea Mom felt so rotten at this point in her life. Look at her second paragraph. She says "I try to sound up for her." Why couldn't you be real with me, Mom? Why keep me in the dark? You were always strong and wise when I needed advice or help. Why didn't you allow me to be an encouragement to you? Yes, I had a lot going on in my life with a new baby at 39 years old, and a husband who has never been around babies and is now suddenly having to be Mr. Mom while I go back to a very stressful job. It would be hard and stressful, but we all have our burdens to carry. Mom has enough to worry about without worrying about me, and Dolores (Frank's daughter) and Judy (Frank's daughter-in-law).

Mother is Feeling Better

Sunday January 17, 1993

I awake feeling pretty good. After I shower I roll my hair and Frank gives me a perm. I turns out great. Later I call Mom and Chris. Mom is feeling very good. She has much less pain. She thinks the pills she's taking to improve her platelets from 4000 to 150,000 is helping her arthritis. I pray for her pain relief and Dad's as well, everyday.

I eat very little lunch so by dinner I'm starved. I eat a pork chop, mac & cheese & brussel sprouts. It tastes good but I feel ill for an hour or so afterwards. Probably ate too fast.

Probably shouldn't have eaten a gas-producing vegetable like brussel sprouts! So glad Mom had a better day and that she felt well enough to call me and Grandma Helen. Notice how she is praying for her loved ones, even though she is the one with a terminal illness. Frank's Dad passed away a few months after Mom's death in 1993, but Grandma Helen (pictured above with Mom, Gary and myself) lived another four years. She lived to the old age of 89. Grandma Helen's mother, Amanda Johnson, in the top photo with the four generations of Johnson women, including myself, Mom, Grandma Helen, and Grandma Johnson, lived until the ripe old age of 101. Unfortunately, Mom would not live the long life of her predecessors. I hate that cancer robbed her of the long life she should have had.

New Year's Day

Friday
January 1, 1993
New Year's Day

I have a bad night. I don't sleep well at all and awake with my chest pain. I will be on pain pills all day. We fix a breakfast for Donna and Bob and at 1:30 take lots of food to Gary's house where we'll spend the day. At Gary's house I spend the day in the lounge chair in my coat and covered with a quilt.

Maria's sisters Anna and Patty are there for a few hours. We eat ham sandwiches and dips. At dinner we eat 3 pounds of shrimp and fruit salad and homemade bread from our new breadmaker. Frank and Donna had alot of fun making bread today.

Ric watched football. Chris watched a movie with the boys in the motorhome. We go home at 8:30 and I go right to bed.

Poor Mom, it sounds like her last New Year's Day was a miserable one for her. She had a good day the day before. Too bad she pushed herself too much today instead of just staying home in bed and trying to get some rest.

New Year's Eve

Thursday December 31, 1992
New Year's Eve

I awake feeling brand new. My aches and pains are all gone. God has answered my prayer again. Praise The Lord!

Donna and I are very busy in the kitchen all day preparing food. Chris and Ric and all the boys arrive about 2 p.m. We begin to serve veggies, chips, dips, candies, etc. Gary and Maria arrive at 6 p.m. and we all sit down to a big ham dinner. It's great! About 8:30 Mark and Ivana and their girls arrive. They stay a couple of hours. We are all playing pool. Everyone is having a good time.

I begin to have pain in my chest about 6 p.m. and take pain pills the rest of the night. Marty and Kathy arrive about 10:30. When midnight comes we all toast, hug and kiss. A great day and night.

So thankful that Mom is feeling better for the New Year's Eve celebration! Mom and Frank had lots of parties and frequently entertained in their big house on Ambergrove Court. They had a huge dining room with a table that seated 12 easily, a large living room with vaulted ceiling, a big kitchen, and an extra large family room which included a pool table. When the house was being built in 1982 Mom and Frank asked the builder to remove the fourth bedroom that would have been built downstairs, opting instead to have an extra large family room for entertaining. Off of the family room was a sliding glass door that opened to the patio and off the dining nook were french doors that opened to another patio. The lot was huge, over 13,000 square feet, and included a large side yard where they stored their RV and boat. Summer parties were the best because there was plenty of room for a crowd in the beautifully landscaped backyard. The reception for her funeral was held there. This would be Mom's last New Year's Eve. Sad.

I'm Worried & Scared

Monday December 28, 1992

I call and get an appointment for see a doctor here in Simi at 3:30. We go to visit Chris for an hour or so first. The doctor does an EKG. It's OK but my heart rate is 103. They take chest X-rays but see and hear no pneumonia. I will take the X-rays with me to the doctor on Wednesday.

Gary is working til 10 p.m. so we take the leftover spaghetti to Gary's and we all eat the same as last night. I feel terrible so we go home about 8:00. I fall fast asleep on our couch as soon as we get home.

I'm worried and scared. Frank and I cry in each other's arms in bed for a long time.

I found this photo taken the day of Mom's post, and look for pain, worry and fear in her face. She hides it well. Normally our family would stay at Mom's house for the holidays, but this trip we stay at my brother's home and Mom comes to visit us there. One thing does stand out to me about this photo. Normally Mom would have baby Derek bouncing on her knee. In this photo she looks at him from the couch.

I feel sad that Mom is so worried and scared. I wish she would have shared her feeling with me. She always put on a brave confident face, not wanting to worry her children I'm sure. I'm glad she had Frank to share her feeling with and to cry with. Thank you Frank!

436 Miles

Sunday December 27, 1992

I have another slow morning. Chris calls at 10 a.m. to say they just arrived at Gary's. They drove all night. I tell her to take a nap and we'll arrive about 2:00.

We take spaghetti sauce, pasta, bread, salad and ice cream for dinner.

My prayers are answered that Chris and Ric arrive safely. There was alot of bad fog predicted.

We open gifts. The dinner at 5:30 is a big hit. Afterwards, I feel pretty bad and lay on the couch til we go home about 8:00. My chest and back hurt alot.

Wow, I can't believe we drove all night. It's 436 miles from Windsor to Simi Valley, California. I couldn't do that today. I need my 8 hours sleep or I am a wreck. I couldn't have been very good company, even in 1992, with no sleep or very little sleep. In the winter there is very often dense fog in the central valley of California down Interstate 5, which we would have taken from the San Francisco Bay Area to Simi Valley. I don't even like to drive in the dark, much less thick fog. Nowadays when we visit my brother in Simi Valley we usually break up the trip into 2 days, and we almost always travel during daylight hours.

Mom was usually so sociable and talkative. I feel sad that she is exhausted and in pain. Perhaps realization is finally setting in that this might be her last Christmas?

Thanksgiving Day

Thursday November 26, 1992 "Thanksgiving Day"

Chris is very busy in the kitchen all morning though she has done most everything the day before. I feel good. Frank carves the turkey for her. We all sit at her dining room table, Gary, Maria, Joe & Junior, Justin, Ric, Chris, Frank and me. I say a blessing. There is so much I want to say but I start to cry so cut it short. I always get emotional when I pray out loud. I am so happy to have this day with all my family. I'm so lucky.

The boys have fun with video games all day. The rest just visit and relax. It's been a lovely day. Chris made a great dinner. Derek is so cute and sweet. I love my family so much.

I don't remember if I cried too when Mom prayed, but I'm crying now remembering that this was our last Thanksgiving together. It was my first and last time hosting Thanksgiving for the whole family at our house. The photo above was taken on our front porch. Frank used a tripod so we could all be in the photo. First row from left: Junior, Joe, Justin; Middle row from left: Gary, Maria (holding baby Derek), Chris; Back row from left: Frank, Mom, Ric.

Thanksgiving Menu

Thursday November 19, 1992

I'm more tired, probably from such a busy day yesterday. Of course the teacher had to teach us a polka last night. That was really tiring for me. Frank has gone to carving class so I sleep in and rest until 11 a.m. I don't do much all day.

In the afternoon Frank goes to Oxnard to pick up a compressor Maria wants to give Gary for Christmas. He has shopped all over and decided this is the best one.

After a nice dinner we watch TV all evening. Frank makes a cheesecake.

I call Chris about 3 p.m. We have a great visit. She tells me the menu. She has a great dinner planned for Thanksgiving. I can't wait.

Oh no, I thought round dancing was more slow-paced and mellow, not a fast polka! I spoke with Frank just this weekend and he told me that round dancing was like ballroom dancing, so much slower. His current wife Carol had a mild stroke last year and is just now getting back into dancing, so they are starting with round dancing.

Since Mom was almost always the one who hosted the family dinners, it was a treat for a change to be able to sit back and allow someone else to prepare the food. No wonder she was looking forward to it. I wish I could claim that my Thanksgiving menu looked anything at all like the one pictured above. I have never been a good cook, and my meal preparations usually require a minimum of preparation. Cooking a Thanksgiving meal for 12-15 people was a very big deal for me, and not easy with an infant.

I Worry About Chris & Ric

Monday October 19, 1992

At 7 a.m. I cuddle up with Frank. We've had enough sleep. We talk awhile. It must be terrible for him lately. I haven't been much of a wife or even companion to him lately. Certainly not much help or support at the Newbury Park house. I will try hard to make it to square dancing tonight. I must do the 10 loads of wash from our trip and linens but will try to rest in between. He needs and deserves a social life and we have so many friends there, many who really care.

I spend alot of time worrying about Chris & Ric. I worry that they are in too deep financially and I worry about Chris' health at 40 with a new baby to raise until she's 60 years old. I know how hard it would be for me to have an 18-year-old. And Ric is almost incapacitated with his bad back and no help to Chris.

We go square dancing. I feel pretty good but only dance 2 tips. Frank dances with Charlie. It's so good to see all our friends after so long on our trip. Thank you God for giving me the energy to go tonight. We even go to Hudson's afterward. I have a malt because I don't know what time I'll get to eat again. I cannot eat after midnight until after my surgery tomorrow.

Did it ever occur to Frank that he could go square dancing without Mom? I don't think so, he was so completely devoted to her. I seriously doubt that he felt like Mom was not a good wife or companion, and I doubt he ever complained to her.

I am surprised to hear that Mom worried about our finances. Our life never involved frequent meals out in restaurants or cruises and excursions like hers did, but we have never struggled to pay our bills and I have always had good credit. So many people are going hungry right now (1 out of 6 I heard on the news recently) and many are unemployed and homeless, that I feel blessed to have had a 33-year career with a good company, good benefits and a comfortable retirement.

Mom was right about the difficulties of raising teenagers as a 60-year-old. In April 2013 I will be 60 and my boys will be 18 and 21. My son Derek, pictured above when he was 6 months old in 1992, expressed to me last night that he will probably live with us for at least another 10 years because by then we will be the ones needing care. Ric is asleep every night by 9:00 and I can't stay awake past 11, which means our boys are usually up later than we are. Thank God they have not given us any grief. Ric's back has only gotten worse after 20 years and now he struggles with controlling his blood sugar after developing diabetes, high cholesterol, and deteriorated cartilage in his knee that makes it difficult for him to walk. I had a herniated disk in my lower back in 2008, sciatica, and most recently several episodes of vertigo and a dislocated jaw. I had no health issues until I was in my 50s. So yes, having children late in life is difficult, and probably puts an undue burden of worry on them. Derek has a sign on his bedroom wall listing his priorities for his life:
1. $$$ (getting a good education and a good job)
2. Dad's health (he doesn't have much control over this)
3. Airsoft Empire (his hobby and passion)

A Birthday Surprise for Frank

Monday August 31, 1992

We slept in til 8:30 but really slept well back in our own bed. We both still feel full but much better. I have no breakfast. At 10:45 I go have my nails done. Afterward I have a hot dog. I'm still not hungry but it tastes good.

Frank leaves for the library so I take this opportunity to go out to order a birthday cake for Frank. Joan will pick it up for me tomorrow and take it to the board meeting we'll attend tomorrow. He'll be real surprised.

Chris calls. She is upset. Her 55-year-old friend Sharon from work died suddenly in her sleep Saturday night. She had promised to come see Chris today at 4. I try to console her.

We have a lite dinner. I talked to Joan Larson. She is quite optimistic since her tumor is much shrunk. I give her encouragement.

I was looking forward to my friend Sharon coming to visit and see my 6-week-old baby Derek. She called Saturday to tell me she was bringing a gift for him on Monday. On Monday morning another co-worker called from the office to tell me that Sharon had died in her sleep Saturday night. She had an enlarged heart. She had planned to retire later that year. I think the reason I was so upset was because her death was so unexpected and I was worried that my own mother would be dying soon. How would I get by without her? Strangely, it was Mom who consoled ME even though she was the one who was sick. She also was the one who encouraged her friend Joan who was battling cancer. It was like she had so much positivity that she spread it around to others.

We Leave For Colorado Tomorrow

Thursday July 23, 1992

Awake at 7:45. Up and at 'em! Feeling good except alot of pain from arthritis in my wrist, right shoulder and right hip and back.

After breakfast I get cleaned up and pack my clothes to take to Colorado tomorrow. Frank brings me a Cupid's hot dog for lunch.

I call Chris. She is feeling much better from her C-section. Derek is nursing much better now. His diaper rash has cleared up.

I called Joan. She has good news: her tumor is shrinking. Thank you Lord!

Mom and Frank have only been home for two days and are already leaving on another trip. What happened to "Home At Last?" It seems like she is trying to cram a lifetime of adventures into a few years. My Aunt Cathy told me one time that Mom's side of the family has the wanderlust gene, having Scandinavian blood. She and her brother my Uncle Gene both love to travel, experience adventures, and live life with gusto. I just came across this photo of them together toay. It was taken in October 1990.

Goodbye Baby Derek

Monday July 20, 1992

I'm up at 7 a.m. and in the shower to get ready to leave Chris for home. We are actually ready to leave at 8 a.m. We tell everyone goodbye and leave for Santa Rosa where we have breakfast.

We take the scenic route home through the Napa Valley and past Rio Vista and over the Sacramento River. I sleep alot of the way home. It's a good trip. We arrive home about 7 p.m. We order pizza for dinner. It's not very good. Remember not to order Vincencio pizza again.

That was probably a wise decision to take Highway 12 through the Sacramento Delta area from Fairfield to Rio Vista to Lodi and then south on Interstate 5. That way they avoided all the traffic congestion through the San Francisco Bay Area.

Meeting Baby Derek

Saturday July 18, 1992

We're up early breaking camp. It was a really bad night. The wind was blowing really bad when we went to bed. I thought the tents would blow down. So I prayed over and over many times for God to please stop the wind. He answered my prayers as usual. I awoke at 1:30, no wind at all but a short way away a large bunch of young people were partying heartily very loudly til 3:30 a.m. The final thing they did was fire a gun 5 times. That really upset me. I didn't sleep at all from 1:30-3:30.

By 11:00 we're packed and ready to leave. Donna and Bob take alot of our stuff but Gary still has to make 2 boat trips. I have to wait in line an hour to launch the trailer. We have lunch at the store and are on the road to Chris' about 2 p.m. It's a nice drive. I'm sleepy and sleep. We arrive at Chris' at 7 p.m. We fix spaghetti for them. Chris comes down. Derek is cute and sweet. Justin likes him alot. He has a receding chin.

Wow, what an exhausting and stressful day! I would be livid to be kept awake until 3:30 by a bunch of drunks who are even firing off a gun. Breaking camp is hard enough on a good night's sleep! And then to have to wait in line for an hour to get the boat at the ramp? That's one of the reasons we always stayed an extra day after a holiday weekend; we had the smoothest water for water skiing, no crowds at the ramp, and very little traffic on the way home.

Then when they finally arrive in Windsor exhausted and hungry to meet their new grandson, the host doesn't have the good manners to make dinner for them while the hostess in in bed recovering from surgery! Mom has to prepare dinner for everyone after a long drive. Sorry Mom!

Looking at Derek today, just weeks away from his 20th birthday, I do not see a receding chin, so I had to look back at his baby pictures. If you look at his chin in the photo above, he does indeed have a receding chin! Mom is very observant.

I Love The New Boat Shade

Thursday July 16, 1992

Slept in, resting til 7:30 a.m. Not my best morning this week. I have no energy and still have a pain in my chest for some unknown reason, right side under the breast. Maybe I pulled a muscle trying to get back into the boat. The ladder we bought just won't work on our boat. I had a terrible time getting back into the boat out in the deep water.

I love the boat shade. I have no problem riding in the boat during the heat of the day.

Maria and I help Marty and Kathy haul their stuff back to the marina. I call Chris and Justin talks to her about his new baby brother. Chris is feeling some better from her C-section.

Later, we all take a ride to Mocassin Point Marina, Donna, Bob, Heather, Dan, Gary, Maria and kids.

I can't imagine how Mom went 30 years without a shade for their boat. When Ric and I go boating on a hot day, the shade goes up first thing. It keeps us cooler and prevents sunburn. The bimini top probably looked a bit like the one pictured above. Since I wasn't on this trip, I didn't see it myself. Mom always got into the boat by stepping onto the ledge on the outboard motor just above the propeller, grabbing onto the back of the boat, and pulling herself up. She was the only one who did this and every time I would cringe. One slip and her foot would be sliced by the propeller. Everyone else got in by hoisting themselves over the side near the back of the boat, where it was just over a foot from the water. This required good upper body strength, though, something I no longer have, and neither did Mom. The boat that Ric and I use in the summer has a built-in ladder on the back, which makes it much easier to get into the boat, even from land.

False Labor

Tuesday June 30, 1992

Up at 7 a.m. I don't feel too bad. We take the truck to Thousand Oaks and leave it for a paint job. I call Ric at 7:30 and he answers. Darn, Chris is home. Her contractions have ended even though they were 5 minutes apart at the hospital at 4 a.m. this morning.

We go out to breakfast and I'm starting to feel bad. At home I force myself into the shower and at 11 a.m. I'm at the doctor's office to be sure I don't have pneumonia. The doctor doesn't hear anything, but prescribes antibiotic for good measure. I'm coughing bad and my chest and back hurt. I'm so tired and weak. At home I nap for an hour and feel well enough to go to Palmdale for Joey's hockey game. We have a great time, eat at the mall and shop some. We're home about 9. I sleep my way home.

Those darn Braxton Hicks contractions. Like most new moms, I have had them with every pregnancy. Too bad Mom had to call the house to see whether or not we were home or at the hospital. Today everyone carries a cellphone and can contact friends and family whenever and wherever they are. Such a huge convenience!

Chris Is In Labor

Monday June 29, 1992

I'm up and coughing worse and feeling drained and tired. Frank walks to the dentist, but returns home later quite ill. He has horrible pains in his stomach and some fever. He curls up and sleeps all day. He's feeling better by evening, but I decide not better enough to go dancing. I don't feel much like it myself.

Chris calls about 9 p.m. to say she's in labor, 15 minutes apart. We talk a long time. I pray extra hard tonight for her. I not only pray for her health and the baby's, but I pray that Ric will be there for her the way she needs him. I hope she has an easy birth.

Ahh! That makes me feel great to know that Mom is praying for me. Unfortunately, it was not to be an easy birth, just as it was not an easy pregnancy.

Chris Has an Ultrasound Today

Thursday June 25, 1992

An average day with lots of gas. It must be the vitamins. Probably the "C".

I talk to Chris. She had an ultrasound today and the baby is somewhat breach and the head is bigger than Justin's was so it would seem she must have a C-section. She will see the doctor tomorrow to set a date. Hopefully, it will be next week.

We go to Gary's in the evening. He is working in the yard. Later he takes a quick swim. Then we visit for awhile. It's so nice to have them here in Simi. I worry that they'll think they see or hear from us too much. but they keep saying "Come over."

Gary and Maria still love to entertain. Maria comes from a large family of 9 siblings, so her house is always full of family and friends coming and going. They are wonderful hosts. I'm sure they loved to see Mom and Frank.

Wow, I had forgotten that my ultrasound showed that Derek's head was larger than Justin's. I was in labor with Justin in 1981 for 23 hours. Finally the doctor ordered an X-ray and determiend that Justin's head was 10 cm across and the opening of my pelvis was only 9, so I could labor for days, and he was not coming out. The doctor called for an anesthesiologist and I was given general anesthesia with a C-section. When Derek was born his head was 12 cm across. I remember the doctor seemed surprised, but the ultrasound showed that he had a big head, so why did my doctor not schedule a C-section? It would have saved me from 36 hours of labor!

Good Mother-Daughter Time

Tuesday June 16, 1992

Up and have waffles ready for everyone. Feeling good still. A bit tired today as the dogs barked alot last night. Chris says she was depressed last night about the wedding. Ric reminds her the important part was that her family was there to witness her wedding. Good Ric!

Smokey begs for Ric's dogs to come in to play. We let them in and Smokey chases the pup around. Chris and I have a good talk time on my bed for an hour. We are close. We really love each other. We are concerned for each other's health. She's so large with child and overweight. Her breasts are tremendous. She's so uncomfortable. She's gained 35 pounds.

By 12:00 they're on their way home. I hope she makes it before going into labor. She's due July 13.

Oh how I miss those long talks with Mom. Usually I sat on the edge of their huge master tub while she fixed her hair and applied her makeup. This day, we sat on her bed and talked. I'm so glad we had that time together. Yes, I was huge and uncomfortable. To try to control the continuous nausea I snacked on box after box of saltine crackers and lots of 7-Up. My cup size, which was already a D, was a G after I gave birth and my milk came in. I never knew bras came that large. I had to go to a specialty store.

That was very nice of Ric to point out the importance of our family being there to witness our wedding. He is almost never romantic and rarely sentimental, but that was a sensitive thing to say.

Chris & Ric's Wedding Day

Monday June 15, 1992

Up at 7:30 feeling good, making french toast for breakfast. We get cleaned up and go to see Frank at Marvel house, then return a diaper bag at Broadway. We stop on the way home to pick up a wedding cake, a torte, that Carmen wants to buy. We, Chris & I, are nervous. It's late and we have to get home, get ready and leave at 3:30. We rush and are ready to leave at 3:55.

Frank must drive really fast to get us to L.A. by 5 p.m. We think you must arrive before 5 for a license to marry. Maria and Gary arrive. We wait until 6:30 for the very brief ceremony. The black woman sounds like a recording. So IMPERSONAL. They are married. We go to Maria's folks to pick up Jr. and Joe and all eat at Black Angus. We pay $115.00 for all. It's fun.

At home Ric wants to stay up for TV when Chris goes to bed. We convince him he should go to bed with his wife on his wedding night. Chris is hurt. Not a great wedding.

"Not a great wedding." Now that is an understatement. I had put off the wedding for many months hoping that my pregnancy nausea would get better. At 8 months pregnant, I felt and looked like a house and I was still nauseous 24 hours per day. There was only one outfit I could still fit into. The dress I had bought for my wedding day was way too small to fit over my belly. As Frank rushed to get us to the courthouse in time to get our license, I focused on the horizon trying hard not to throw up. When we arrived at the courthouse, Frank dropped us off and we rushed in to purchase our license for $50 while Frank parked. It was a 90-minute wait in a hot, stuffy dingy room with a dozen other couples. Finally, our name was called. Mom and Frank, Ric's mother Carmen, Gary and Maria, and my son Justin were with us as we were ushered into another dingy room with a matronly black woman behind the podium officiated. She could not have acted more bored. I don't think she looked at us one single time, but simple read off a sheet of paper in a monotone voice. The "ceremony", if you could call it that, lasted all of 5 minutes. It was so depressing.

Thankfully, Mom and Frank saved the day by taking all of us, including Maria's two boys, out to a steakhouse in Glendale for dinner. That part was fun. However, once back at Mom and Frank's house, my husband the TV addict wanted to stay up late watching TV while I was alone in the guest bed, mostly crying about what a miserable wedding day it had been.