I Have No Energy Left

Wednesday November 4, 1992

Didn't sleep well last night. Frank got up about 8, but I didn't rise until 9 a.m. After breakfast I returned to bed for another 1/2 hour. I'm finally up and dressed for the day about noon. I do the laundry and change the linens.

I do paperwork most of the day. I'm trying to save myself for round dancing tonight. I realize I'm too tired to go dancing. I have no energy left. I spend the rest of the evening on the couch.

At least the funny photo of this exhausted little girl helped lighten my mood!

Sick and Tired

Thursday August 6, 1992

I awake at 2 a.m. and cannot sleep soundly the rest of the night. At 7 a.m. I'm sick and vomiting. Frank brings me a fudgecicle and I feel better. But I'm so tired. Frank colors my hair for me about 10 a.m. and I go back to bed. I sleep most of the day. I'm up and cleaned up by 5 p.m.

Frank goes to the market for vegies and I make a salad. At 7 p.m. we are at a potluck dinner at the Turners. It's good. I handle it well. I don't have the energy to square dance so all 8 of us watch the Olympics. We're the first to leave at 10:30.

Always pushing herself! If it lifts her spirits though, I guess it's worth it to go to a party when she's sick. She had a bad reaction to the chemo she took the night before.

I'm A Bit Depressed Today

Sunday May 3, 1992

Awoke tired. Had a waffle breakfast, called shirley and returned to bed for a nap. About 1 p.m. Frank and I went shopping for Marvel. I'm having alot of pain in my lower abdomen. It continues until bedtime. I am tired all day and my backache is really a problem.

We know now that Frank's cousin Frances has breast and bone cancer. Not good news. She had not had a mammogram in 4 years. I hope to counsel her after her surgery. I'll send a card for now.

I'm a bit depressed today.

Well, no wonder she's depressed, when suffering from abdomenal pain, back pain, and fatigue. Sometimes even the master encourager needs a little encouragement.

I'm So Tired All The Time

Friday April 17, 1992

I spend the day at home and run some errands. Frank works in the yard at the rental house and comes home worn out. We have a lovely dinner and relax at home. I make some phone calls. I'm so tired all the time. I'd probably feel better if I just forced myself to get out and walk and exercise with a video. My weight and the medicine saps all my energy. The iron pills (vitamins) I started taking on the cruise have really helped the dark circles under my eyes. Dr. Schwartz says I'm not anemic but I doubt him. He says it's OK to try Weight Watchers to lose some weight. I hope to start next week.

I agree that Mom would feel better if she forced herself to get out and walk. I try to get in an hour of exercise everyday, even if it's just a walk around town. It gives me more energy for the rest of the day. She already has a walking partner since Frank is walking 3-4 miles every day. Maybe she could start out walking just 1 mile or even 1/2 mile with Frank. Exercise would not only lift her mood and burn calories, but it would strengthen her immunity in order to battle the cancer cells in her body.

Frank Is So Good!

Monday March 16, 1992

I wake up tired after 8 hours of sleep. I have a hard time getting going. Frank is so good! He takes his 4 mile walk then picks up the trailer. Though still tired, I manage to get dressed and go to square dancing. I dance most of the dances, but do sit out a couple.

I have never square danced but I imagine it is pretty good exercise. The problem is that it does not keep the heart rate up for a continuous period of 30-60 minutes. I imagine there are breaks between the songs every 5 or 10 minutes. I think the reason Frank is so energetic is because of the 4-mile walks he takes every day. As I write this I have just come home from a 3-mile hike, which I take every day that I am not taking my water aerobics class. I try to get 60 minutes of good cardio exercise every day. This is my longevity program, as well as my plan to stay healthy and get some fresh air. I have a treadmill, but I rarely use it. I would much rather get out in the fresh air and sunshine. Sometimes my husband comes along but he insists on taking our two dogs, which means we have to stop at every bush and rock. What is normally a one-hour hike becomes a two-hour hike with the dogs, and my heart rate never does get elevated when I stop every few feet for them. My Great-Grandmother Johnson walked 2 miles every day of her life until she was 100 years old. I don't know if God will bless me with 100 years, but at least I hope to enjoy good health for the ones he does give me. Walking is great exercise and something most of us can do well into our senior years. I know for sure Frank is still walking at 76 years old, and square dancing too. He is so good!

So Tired

Monday March 2, 1992

A quiet day. I have very little energy in the morning and have a hard time getting started. I manage to get to my nail appointment at 10:45. After I finish the wash and get the bills paid we go out to the bank, post office, and do a little shopping. I am eager to get home, tired. I find enough energy to fix dinner but feel too tired to go square dancing. We go anyway. I dance most dances but am too tired to really enjoy it like I usually do.

We come home afterward to relax in front of the TV before going to bed. I called Chris this evening. She's doing fine but very tired.

We are both exhausted this day. Parallel lives perhaps?

Weak & Tired Today

Saturday November 23, 1991

Didn't sleep much until the last 3-4 hours but awake at 7:15. Not feeling as bad as yesterday but not feeling very good. I lay in bed til 9 a.m. I manage some oatmeal and back to bed. I feel very weak and tired today, but my gas, diarrhea, nausea and indigestion have passed. My stomach just feels weak. I eat carefully and little all day.

Showering tires me back to bed for 10 minutes. then up and dressing tires me back to bed again. will I ever make it downstairs? I do, finally, at 12:30.

I do not take my kemo medicine today. I eat 1/2 banana for lunch and little more for dinner.

So Tired Lately

Monday September 9, 1991

Gene's actual birthday today!

Frank gets up early by the alarm and heads for Lemona. I sleep in til 8:30. Don't know why I'm so tired lately. It's starting to bug me. I seem to need 10-11 hours of sleep of late. Can't stay awake much past 9 p.m. Tonight is the first class for square dancing where we'll be "Angels". We're looking forward to it. Marty and Cathy and Robbie and Dolores will be there. It should be great fun!

I stay home today to wash and clean. It's nice not going to the valley.

My hair is so thin I can hardly manage it today. Seems like it's getting worse. Some thinning is chemo. Breakage and short hairs are probably perms and bleaching. No perms for awhile. Hopefully it will get better now that chemo is finished.

I can see why mom would be tired keeping up with her fast past while undergoing chemotherapy. I'm glad to see she's finally getting some sleep. If she is managing to go square dancing she can't be all that weak!

I have the same hair as Mom, thin, baby fine, and straight as a stick! Mom gave me perms from the time I was a toddler to give me some body and curls, and I continued to get perms well into my 40s, but found I could never perm and color, as there was just too much breakage. In fact, I remember the last time mom gave me a perm my hair broke off where the bands came in contact with my hair and it took months for the damaged broken hair to grow out. Now I keep it short, unpermed and highlighted with blonde and copper highlights. I remember Mom spending 30 minutes on her hair every morning while we visited in the huge master bathroom of her Simi Valley home. She would use a curling iron all over her head, then backcomb to give it some lift and finally spray with loads of hairspray that made us both cough. Sometimes I wonder if all those hydrocarbons she breathed every day for years are what gave her cancer. Even when we were camping, she put on makeup and fixed her hair every day.