Family Dinner

Sunday December 13, 1992

Prayer is answered. I awake feeling good. We're ready to go to Phil and Deb's about 10:00. We read the Sunday paper and leave about 11:00. We are first to arrive. We visit with Dee and Deb. Phil and Steve have gone to Pick up Frank's folks in L.A. They arrive about 1 p.m. Paul & Judy & Tayler arrive about 2 p.m.

We have a nice lasagna dinner about 3 p.m. We open gifts. Steve & Dee must leave early to pick up a friend at the airport from Australia. We stay until 5:30. Stop in Simi for a hamburger.

Donna and Bob arrive about 10 p.m. We talk until 12:30 a.m. I feel real good.

This is the first time I have heard of a Reina Family Reunion. It sounds like Frank's oldest son Philip and his wife Debbie hosted the early Christmas dinner in Palmdale. How nice! It must have been somewhat difficult to get everyone together as Frank's parents lived near Los Angeles Airport 70 miles away and needed a ride, and Delores (Dee), Frank's daughter, and her husband Steve, lived in San Diego, 170 miles away. For Mom and Frank to travel from Simi Valley was only 60 miles, about a one-hour drive. Frank's youngest son Paul and his wife Judy lived right there in Palmdale.

What a busy day for Mom. I am so glad she is feeling better. It sounds like Dr. Semrad was right about her tumors shrinking and the fluid in her abdomen being gone. For her to have such a long busy day and be up past midnight visiting with her best friend from Pollock Pines, she must have been feeling great. Praise God!

Too Much Halloween Candy

Sunday November 1, 1992

Didn't sleep from 12-2 a.m. Too much caffeine in all the chocolate candy I ate last night. Difficult morning. Tired, lots of sweating and rapid heartbeats. It was 1 p.m. by the time I was dressed.

Frank went to the rental house in Newbury Park from 9-3:30. I went to the grocery store and had lunch at Del Taco. I ate a sausage from the market deli and by 3:30 I had a stomach ache and didn't feel well.

At 4:00 we go to visit Frank's folks. We wait until 6:30 to eat because I don't feel well. I eat well, but get terrible pains in my stomach. I'm nauseous by the time we leave at 8:30.

We gave Frank's mom the earrings we bought her in Florence, Italy. She was thrilled.

What a rough night! I can't eat chocolate at night either because it gives me heartburn and keeps me up. The sugar and caffeine are probably causing her rapid heartbeat.

Dad Might Not Make It Through Angioplasty

Friday September 25, 1992

Frank leaves at 8 a.m. to take his folks to Daniel Freeman Hospital for Dad's angiogram. I go have my nails done at 11:30. I took my walk at 8:00 a.m. I feel good. I slept well again last night.

At 3 p.m. I go to Montrose to pick up a confirmation on our hotel in Barcelona. Frank is home when I return. He is upset. The doctor could not say Dad would make it through an angioplasty. So they all agreed to do nothing right now though Dad's artery is nearly blocked. He's not a candidate for bypass because of his age.

We go to a square dance at 8 p.m. I have so much energy. I'm really bouncing tonight. Haven't felt this good in ages.

Thank goodness for the internet most of us have in our homes now. Mom had to drive 36 miles to Montrose to pick up a piece of paper confirming their hotel reservation, while today we simply click on the icon that says "Print" and our reservation confirmation is at our fingertips within seconds.

Frank's Dad John was in his 80s when it was decided not to perform angioplasty due to his age. He did outlive Mom, but not by much. He died of a heart attack within a few weeks of Mom's death in 1993. Frank's Mom Florence went into the hospital for a fairly routine surgical procedure several years later and died while under anesthesia.

Fathers Day

Sunday June 21, 1992 Fathers Day

Up early and off to Eggs & Things for breakfast. It's really good!

Dolores (Frank's daughter) arrives about 9 a.m. We have a wonderful visit with her. I leave Frank and Dee alone to have some "alone time" while I get showered and clean to go to L.A. About 3 p.m. we head for Frank's folks house where we visit for awhile and then all go out to dinner. It's a wonderful dinner at an Italian place.

I'm feeling really good today. My last dose of chemo was last night for 2 week break. We are home about 9 p.m.

I wonder if Mom felt sad that her own father had died and she could not celebrate Father's Day with him. When my husband asked what I wanted for Mothers Day last Sunday I told him what I really wanted was my Mother. I had to settle for a small chili from Wendy's! I always miss her most on days like Mothers Day and her birthday May 26.

Making Plans For Mother's Day

Monday May 4, 1992

Awoke feeling better today. Up and busy with the laundry and vacuum the house. By 2 p.m. I'm out of gas. I do some shopping, fix dinner, and we go square dancing. It's good to be back and see all our friends. We're both tired and come straight home after.

Gary left a message while we were out. I must call him back to check on his plans for Mother's Day next Sunday. We plan to take Mom and Frank's folks out to early 4:30 p.m. dinner.

In the above photo, my brother Gary and I are sitting between Mom and her mother Grandma Helen. Grandma lived in Desert Hot Springs, 3 hours away, so taking her out to dinner for Mother's Day was an all-day ordeal. Frank's folks lived near Los Angeles International Airport, not at all near Desert Hot Springs.

Now that we are in the final year of Mom's life, this journal will probably become more emotional for me. Mom died the following year just a few days before Mother's Day. After Frank, Gary and I visited the funeral home to make arrangements, we went to Marie Callendar's for lunch and there was a sign there about celebrating Mother's Day. I burst into tears at the restaurant, knowing I would not be celebratins Mother's Day with Mom ever again.

Frank's Mom Has Cataract Surgery

Tuesday April 28, 1992

Frank is up and off to Los Angeles to take his mom for her cataract surgery. I sleep in and lay around all day resting my cold. My nose is running now but I don't feel bad all over. Frank gets home about 7 p.m. and we have dinner. A quiet night with a few phone calls and TV.

From Wikipedia: Cataract surgery is the removal of the natural lens of the eye (also called "crystalline lens") that has developed an opacification, which is referred to as a cataract. Metabolic changes of the crystalline lens fibers over time lead to the development of the cataract and loss of transparency, causing impairment or loss of vision. Many patients' first symptoms are strong glare from lights and small light sources at night, along with reduced acuity at low light levels. During cataract surgery, a patient's cloudy natural lens is removed and replaced with a synthetic lens to restore the lens's transparency.

Uh oh! I have definitely noticed a reduced acuity at night as I approach 60. I even spoke to my optometrist about it and she told it it was very common especially in older women. Will I have cataracts in 10 years?

Income Taxes

Wednesday March 11, 1992

Awake at 6 a.m. and not able to go back to sleep. I get up and begin to get ready for our 9 a.m. appointment with our accountant to have our income taxes done. It's always such a relief to have our taxes out of the way for another year. We will have to pay an additional $1600, but luckily we can deal with that.

Today is spent doing laundry and putting things away from our trip. The dogs and cat are glad to have us home, especially Smokey the cat. Marketing and banking, and I'm exhausted.

We have a nice dinner at home, eating the artichokes we bought near Castroville yesterday.

Frank's mom calls and asks him to take her to Loma Linda tomorrow to see her brother in the hospital. He had other plans but we decide he must be a good son, but I must stay home to rest from our trip.

Castroville is just north of Monterey on the coast. It boasts of being the artichoke capitol of the world. There are roadside stands all along Highway 1 selling artichokes and other fruits and vegetables. This area of Central California is agricultural. It was the area John Steinbeck wrote about in Grapes of Wrath and Cannery Row.

So thoughtful of Frank to drop his plans to take his mother for a visit with her brother.

Frank's Dad Has Bone Cancer

Thursday January 30, 1992

Up early and hurry to get ready to leave at 10:30 for Frank's folks house. I'm coughing much less but Frank is coughing alot. We are getting better but it is sure taking a long time.

At 12:00 the living trust attorney arrives and Frank helps him explain it to his folks. I read a magazine outside. Good, that's done.

Mom tells me the bone scan shows Dad has bone cancer. That accounts for alot of his pain. They don't plan to tell him. He won't go for more treatment. I agree that's best but he should have some good pain pills.

Dad tells me he wishes he could go back in time and relive his life and don't I? I say I love my life and always have. I wouldn't change a thing.

Mom tells Frank the only time she was ever happy was when the children were small. How sad. She's hoping to be happy again someday. I feel very sorry for both of them, and I feel so fortunate to be so happy. Life is wonderful!

Frank's dad John, pictured above at his granddaughter's wedding a few years before, was well into his 80s. I guess that's why he didn't see any reason to get cancer treatments, but withholding the fact that he had cancer seems wrong to me. Perhaps he already knew even though it was unspoken, and that is the reason they are having their living trust prepared. John outlived Mom, but only by a few months. That is so sad that he had so many regrets about his life, and that Frank's mother Florence was only happy when her children were small. Frank only had one sister and she died young. Perhaps Florence never recovered from the loss. She was the typical Italian mother who loved to cook for her family. Perhaps she always wanted a big family. Mom did her best to include John and Florence in all the family get-togethers, and from what I could see, they always enjoyed themselves.

Dad is as Pissy, Moany and Crotchety as Ever

Sunday January 5, 1992

We sleep in and have a leisurely morning. It's raining hard all day. In the afternoon we go to Frank's folks house. Frank hooks up the VCR we gave them for Christmas. Dad is as pissy and moany and crotchety as ever. Mom is as nervous and distressed as always. It's a real strain to be around them. Not a very pleasant experience, but a must. We try our best to brighten their day.

Oh my, is this what becomes of all of us as we get older? I see it profoundly in my dad, who is almost 80 years old. He is so incredibly negative about absolutely everything, that it is emotionally draining to talk with him on the phone. No matter how hard I try to change the topic, he always brings it back to how the world is going to hell. His negativity puts me in a funk for 2-3 days almost every time we talk. I was having my hair done yesterday at the local salon and there was a 95-year-old woman there who was getting a perm. She complained loudly (because she was obviously hard-of-hearing) about everything. Do we revert to toddlerhood and throw temper tantrums by the time we are 90? I see my husband becoming more like Frank's dad everyday, pissy and moany, and I see myself becoming more anxious and nervous, especially when I am around my crotchety husband.

Frank's Mother Has a New Year's Birthday

Happy New Year!

Wednesday January 1, 1992

We sleep in til 9:30. We get up and watch the Rose Parade. Frank's nose is much better. I feel great except for my wrist and some cold symptoms.

We take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations around the house. We sit down often to watch the football games. We have the dogs in and give them some long overdue love. I take a couple of 10-minute naps during the day.

We call Frank's mom and wish her Happy Birthday!

Frank's mother, pictured above in blue at Frank's daughter's wedding to Steve in 1986, lived well into her 80s.

I'm glad to know that Mom and Frank occasionally let their dogs in the house. Every time we visited them the dogs were confined to a dog run on the side of the house. Mom did love her dogs, but she loved a nice clean orderly house too. When I was growing up, we had dogs, but they were never allowed in the house.