God Is Great. God Is Good!

Friday February 7, 1992

We take care of business around the house. At 4:30 we go to the movies to see Prince Of Tides. It's a good movie about a man with a dark childhood he has refused to face until now.

We spend the evening at home and watch a movie.

God is great. God is good! I feel so good as far as my ovarian cancer is concerned. I still believe God will heal me. I have just put my problem in His hands and I really never think of it except when I pray--often. I ask Him to touch me, heal me, take away the cancers. If I'm wrong, that's OK too. I intend to live every day as normal as is possible, making plans for the future and enjoying every minute of my life.

Her absolute faith that God would heal her reassured all who loved her that she would win this battle. Even in her final days, I was in denial that she was dying. After all, she had been reassuring me for 2 years that God would heal her and not to worry. I love her statement that she intends to live every day as normal as is possible even if God did not answer her prayers. She certainly did that!

Donna Has No Religious Faith

Saturday December 14, 1991

Spoke to Donna (Mom's best friend) for an hour this morning. Kinda a downer to talk to her. She has no religious faith and doesn't understand that God is taking care of me right now while I'm waiting to meet with a new doctor and get started on a new kemo. I'm not worried but she had a fit.

Called Chris and she is feeling better. Two days out of bed, but earlier in the week she was really sick. She's 10 weeks now. She saw the baby and heartbeat in the ultrasound last week.

Frank finished wrapping the gifts all day. I accomplished very little.

We have a real good dinner and watch TV.

I guess that is one of the job duties of the best friend: to worry. Five years earlier Donna was diagnosed with breast cancer and Mom had a fit too. Donna had a large lump in her breast that had been growing for several months. She did not tell anyone and did not go to the doctor for fear it might be cancer. Finally her husband noticed the lump and made her go. Mom was so upset that Donna was not taking care of herself. So now it is Donna's turn to be upset.

On the other hand, I am so impressed that Mom's faith was so strong that she was not the least bit worried. That takes a special kind of faith, the kind that the Bible speaks of in Phillipians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests for God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Hey, Mom and Frank finally ate dinner at home!

What Did I Do to Deserve This?

What did I do to deserve this? I always thought I was a good listener. People have always wanted to share their loves and losses with me. I've heard many secrets and they were always safe with me. I've been more than willing to share my limited wisdom but always in words that would help. I love to encourage, to give hope, to empower. I guess I'm what you'd call a positive person. No Pollyanna here; I'm a realist. I see things for what they truly are but always find a ray of hope in any misfortune. Maybe it's my faith in God. I've been a born-again Christian since I was a youngster of 10 or 11. My whole life was centered around the church when I was a child. The church was only 3 doors away and there seemed to be always something going on there. I loved to sing. I was in the youth choir and it was great fun to visit other churches to sing for them. I was very fond of the pastor's spinster daughter and she treated me in a special way. She led the choirs, took me places and taught me to play the piano. I only had a few lessons. I don't think we could afford the lessons. We couldn't afford much in those days. My mother worked as a grocery checker and Daddy worked sometimes. But mostly Daddy drank a lot of wine and he was sick a lot. I remember him most sitting or lying on the couch. But he loved me a lot. I was his only child and he truly adored me. I always knew that Mother was too busy to love us much. She was a strong woman, capable of handling whatever came along, and a lot of difficult times came along in her life, but she survived each one even stronger yet.

Mom definitely was a good listener. She was the person that everyone came to with their problems. She was happy to listen and to give advice. She was wise beyond her years. Her life was never easy and she learned to take care of herself at an early age. She encouraged others not to wallow in their suffering, but to be strong and empowered. I'm sure she prayed many a prayer for those she counseled. Yes, she was a positive person. She was the one with cancer, yet she was the one who encouraged the rest of the family be positive and not defeated. Her faith was a private matter. She went to church occasionally, mostly just on Easter Sunday. She did encourage my brother and I to go to Sunday school though, and I remember helping the teacher teach a third grade class at our local neighborhood church, where my brother and I walked on Sunday mornings. Later when I was 15 I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior on Easter Sunday when 4 generations of us women attended Van Nuys Baptist Church. I too sang in the high school choir and visited churches all over California to sing. I joined a small Christian band and we sang on Sunday afternoons at convalescent homes in the San Fernando Valley.

The first photo above is mom's senior portrait taken in 1951. The next one is her and I when I was about 4 years old. The last photo was taken in 1980. I was 27. Next to me is my mom (Dolores Reina) who was 46, her mom (Helen Richardson) who was 72, and Helen's mom (Amanda Johnson) who was 100. Grandma Johnson lived to the ripe old age of 101, Grandma Helen lived to 89 and mom died too young at 58.