New Year's Eve

Thursday December 31, 1992
New Year's Eve

I awake feeling brand new. My aches and pains are all gone. God has answered my prayer again. Praise The Lord!

Donna and I are very busy in the kitchen all day preparing food. Chris and Ric and all the boys arrive about 2 p.m. We begin to serve veggies, chips, dips, candies, etc. Gary and Maria arrive at 6 p.m. and we all sit down to a big ham dinner. It's great! About 8:30 Mark and Ivana and their girls arrive. They stay a couple of hours. We are all playing pool. Everyone is having a good time.

I begin to have pain in my chest about 6 p.m. and take pain pills the rest of the night. Marty and Kathy arrive about 10:30. When midnight comes we all toast, hug and kiss. A great day and night.

So thankful that Mom is feeling better for the New Year's Eve celebration! Mom and Frank had lots of parties and frequently entertained in their big house on Ambergrove Court. They had a huge dining room with a table that seated 12 easily, a large living room with vaulted ceiling, a big kitchen, and an extra large family room which included a pool table. When the house was being built in 1982 Mom and Frank asked the builder to remove the fourth bedroom that would have been built downstairs, opting instead to have an extra large family room for entertaining. Off of the family room was a sliding glass door that opened to the patio and off the dining nook were french doors that opened to another patio. The lot was huge, over 13,000 square feet, and included a large side yard where they stored their RV and boat. Summer parties were the best because there was plenty of room for a crowd in the beautifully landscaped backyard. The reception for her funeral was held there. This would be Mom's last New Year's Eve. Sad.

Virus, Flu or Chemo?

Wednesday December 30, 1992

It's a real struggle to get ready to leave for the doctor at 8:45. I feel just awful. I ache all over and my chest hurts. It hurts more when I take a deep breath, even in my neck. Last night my temp was 100.1. Two doctors examine me and talk to me. My X-rays are fine. I could have a virus, flu or a reaction to the chemo. If I'm not better in a couple of days I should disconnect my chemo pump.

At home I take a pain pill and a nap. When I get up I feel so much better. I manage to be sociable downstairs with Donna & Bob. At 3:30 they leave to visit Mark (Bob's son) and family. I lay down with another pain pill.

How awful to have company when she is feeling so awful, even her best friend Donna. It must have been hard for her to put on a happy face. I know when I am sick or in pain, the last thing I want is people around me. I think that's because of the way Mom raised me. As a young girl, when I was sick she didn't make me chicken soup or pamper me. She left me alone, said confidently that I would be fine, and left for work.

Donna & Bob Arrive

Tuesday December 29, 1992

I decide to spend the day in bed and maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I feel much better laying down in bed, but no better when I get up.

Donna & Bob arrive about 7 p.m. I struggle to get up and be sociable. It's not easy. We open Christmas gifts. About 10:30 I must go to bed. Everyone is tired so no problem.

This photo of Mom's best friend Donna and Donna's husband Bob was taken at Christmas 2012, 20 years after Mom's post. Donna was diagnosed with breast cancer several years before Mom had cancer, and Bob had a bout with prostate cancer a few years ago, but they are both doing well as they approach their 80th birthday. Bob loves to restore old cars and they live in a charming Victorian house with wraparound porch in Pollock Pines, California, in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Mom loved Donna so much but I don't think she shared her fear and anxiety with her either, preferring to put on a brave face. I'll bet she concealed her pain very well for the 3 hours she had to force herself out of bed to be sociable.

I'm Worried & Scared

Monday December 28, 1992

I call and get an appointment for see a doctor here in Simi at 3:30. We go to visit Chris for an hour or so first. The doctor does an EKG. It's OK but my heart rate is 103. They take chest X-rays but see and hear no pneumonia. I will take the X-rays with me to the doctor on Wednesday.

Gary is working til 10 p.m. so we take the leftover spaghetti to Gary's and we all eat the same as last night. I feel terrible so we go home about 8:00. I fall fast asleep on our couch as soon as we get home.

I'm worried and scared. Frank and I cry in each other's arms in bed for a long time.

I found this photo taken the day of Mom's post, and look for pain, worry and fear in her face. She hides it well. Normally our family would stay at Mom's house for the holidays, but this trip we stay at my brother's home and Mom comes to visit us there. One thing does stand out to me about this photo. Normally Mom would have baby Derek bouncing on her knee. In this photo she looks at him from the couch.

I feel sad that Mom is so worried and scared. I wish she would have shared her feeling with me. She always put on a brave confident face, not wanting to worry her children I'm sure. I'm glad she had Frank to share her feeling with and to cry with. Thank you Frank!

436 Miles

Sunday December 27, 1992

I have another slow morning. Chris calls at 10 a.m. to say they just arrived at Gary's. They drove all night. I tell her to take a nap and we'll arrive about 2:00.

We take spaghetti sauce, pasta, bread, salad and ice cream for dinner.

My prayers are answered that Chris and Ric arrive safely. There was alot of bad fog predicted.

We open gifts. The dinner at 5:30 is a big hit. Afterwards, I feel pretty bad and lay on the couch til we go home about 8:00. My chest and back hurt alot.

Wow, I can't believe we drove all night. It's 436 miles from Windsor to Simi Valley, California. I couldn't do that today. I need my 8 hours sleep or I am a wreck. I couldn't have been very good company, even in 1992, with no sleep or very little sleep. In the winter there is very often dense fog in the central valley of California down Interstate 5, which we would have taken from the San Francisco Bay Area to Simi Valley. I don't even like to drive in the dark, much less thick fog. Nowadays when we visit my brother in Simi Valley we usually break up the trip into 2 days, and we almost always travel during daylight hours.

Mom was usually so sociable and talkative. I feel sad that she is exhausted and in pain. Perhaps realization is finally setting in that this might be her last Christmas?

Back to Pasadena

Saturday December 26, 1992

I awake feeling very sluggish. It's hard to get ready. We leave for Gene and Cathy's about 11 a.m. We will have lunch with them and leave mother so they can drive her home tomorrow. I'm really tired and my chest hurts by the time we leave at 3 p.m. When we get home I lay on the couch, chilled and ill all afternoon and evening.

It is about a 45 minute drive from Simi Valley to Pasadena and another 100 miles from Pasadena to Desert Hot Springs where Grandma Helen lived in her mobile home in a golf course community. Grandma was in her 80s by now but insisted on living independently in her mobile home. Her mother, my Grandma Johnson, lived a long life until she was 101 by walking everyday, and Grandma Helen enjoyed swimming every morning in the community pool. I think I have a little of both of them in me. I enjoy hiking, but I love to spend time in the pool too. I think I must have been a dolphin in a previous life!

Christmas Dinner

Friday December 25, 1992
Christmas Day

We sleep in and about 2:00 we go to Gary and Maria's to open gifts. We have a lovely time. Gary and Maria fix a lovely turkey dinner.

Maria had to go to Kaiser this morning to be checked to see if the test says she has TB. Luckily she does not. I was worried.

Mother poops out after dinner on the couch. I don't feel too well myself. I lay down on a couch too. I'm cold and I bundle up under a blanket. We go home about 8 p.m. Frank had taken mother home about 7:00.

Thank you Gary and Maria for stepping up to host Christmas dinner. For as long as I can remember Mom always hosted Christmas dinner, but her cancer and the chemotherapy were robbing her energy. This would be Mom's last Christmas this side of Heaven.

Justin's Dad John and I shared custody of Justin and this was John's year to have Justin for Christmas, so we would not be driving down to visit my family for a couple more days.

Strange that Maria had to go to Kaiser on Christmas Day to be checked for TB. Couldn't it wait until December 26?

Christmas Eve in Pasadena

Thursday December 24, 1992

We all sleep in and take it slow all morning. About 2:30 we leave for Gene & Cathy's. We have dinner there and all open gifts. Gene dresses up like Santa Claus and gives a gift to each of his grandchildren. All his family are there except Cathy and Brittany. Brittany has the flu. It's a lovely evening and I feel good. Guy, Lisa and Lynne make me feel quite special.

Mother does well. She's holding up real well and looks lovely after I curl her hair.

We eat turkey.



When I was a young girl my Uncle Gene & Aunt Cathy lived on Sierra Madre Blvd in Pasadena, right on the route of the Pasadena Rose Parade, which we watched from their front yard every year. In 1967 the State of California took their property by eminent domain to build the 210 Freeway. They bought a beautiful large lot tucked up against the San Gabriel Mountains in Pasadena and built a two-level house where many birthdays, holidays, showers, weddings and anniversaries have been celebrated over the years. In fact their granddaughter Alyson is having her wedding and reception with 400 guests in their backyard on July 20 this year. Alyson's parents Guy and Lisa Thomas, shown in the photo above, were married there in 1986.

Mom was close with her nieces and nephews, especially her niece Lynne, Gene and Cathy's youngest, who now lives in Seattle. She is pictured above with Mom at my baby shower in 1992. Lynne spoke at Mom's funeral. Such a beautiful spirit!

Bringing Home Mother for Christmas

Wednesday December 23, 1992

Up at 6:45 to get ready to leave at 8:30 for doctor. Don't feel real well. I kinda ache all over. At the doctor I have my blood work done, then pick up supply of drugs. I talk to 2 other younger women who also have the pump. One has a spot on her lung. She had cervical cancer. The other has recurrent ovarian cancer. She was clean for 10 months. It's very nice to find someone to talk to.

By 10:30 we're on our way to Mother's to pick her up to bring her home for the holidays. After we pick her up we stop at Hadley's and Kaiser in Fontana to see her doctor. We stop for dinner and reach home about 8:00. I feel fine.

That's a long drive from Simi Valley to Desert Hot Springs (north of Palm Springs) to pick up Grandma Helen. It's 5 hours round trip. So thoughtful of Mom and Frank to include her in the holiday gathering. Grandma Helen is pictured above with Mom, brother Gary and I on Christmas Day 1988.

It would have been great for Mom to have joined a cancer survivor group. I think she could have benefited from talking to other women going through the same thing, and I know she would have been an encouragement to many other women. A woman at my church lead a cancer survivor group for 5 years until she passed away a few months ago. There is nothing quite as encouraging as to have the support and prayers of others on the same journey. For some reason Mom had no interest in joining a cancer group. I think she preferred to live in denial, and joining such a group would mean admitting that the disease was in her body.

Baby Boy Nickolas

Tuesday December 22, 1992

I am trying to get ready so I can go to Frank's carving class to see the art and have a snack. I'm having alot of trouble with the sweats. I can't get ready when I'm sweating so. I'm finally ready at 11:15. It's a nice exhibition.

We go to lunch with Shirley and Jim Turner at Maverick's. By 1 p.m. we're on our way to Palmdale to see Paul & Judy's new baby boy Nickolas. He's one week old. We enjoy seeing Anita, Judy's Mom, too. Tayler is feeling much better. Baby Nick is so cute. He looks more like Paul. Judy looks great.

We arrive home about 6 p.m. and go out for Italian dinner. Now I'm tired.

I don't have any photos of Nick as a baby, but I did find the one above taken in 2000 when Nick is 8 years old. Mom was right. He looks like his Dad. Tayler, his older sister, looks just like her Mom.

Manicure

Monday December 21, 1992

Up early. Have my nails done. I enjoy talking with Cari Lyn. She is thrilled when I tell he how well I'm feeling and how good I'm doing. My tumors are shrinking because my bowels are working normal again. She gives me a great Christmas hug and kiss.

Later I enjoy a chili dog, go to the bank, Target and grocery shop for an hour and spend $148.00. I'm tired after 5 hours of running around so rest on the couch when I get home for awhile. We have dinner about 6 p.m. and go square dancing. I feel well enough to dance a tip or two but spend the night just visiting. Later we go to Hudson's Grill. I have a malt.

Mom's energy is back!