Valentine Cards

Tuesday February 9, 1993

Awake at 5. I took a Unisom and Tylenol but no more deep sleep. Frank left for carving class at 8:15 when I got up. I started the laundry and ate a little breakfast. I am feeling anxious, worried and depressed. I can't shake it. I feel almost paralyzed by it. Finally, I take one of Frank's Xanax for anxiety. It helps but I still feel depressed all day. After lunch we go to see the movie Aladdin, hoping that will help. It helps a little.

We stop to buy Valentines, $35 worth for all our family. Is this my last Valentine's Day? will God answer my constant prayer for healing? Maybe I'll feel better after I see Dr. Semrad tomorrow.

I have no appetite for dinner.

I take Xanax when I have insomnia as it helps me to relax, but I don't think it would help with depression at all. I thought buying Valentine cards would lift her spirits, but again, she is wondering if this will be another "last", which it is. I still have that Valentine card from 1993, as well as several other cards Mom sent me while battling cancer those last 2 years. I'm so glad I kept them. The card pictured above is the one she bought for me this day.

Barnsdall Park

Thursday September 26, 1991

Up and at em, we meet Gary in Los Angeles at Kaiser Hospital Blood Donor Center. Gary and Frank are donating blood for my surgery. Frank is apprehensive. When he gave last (33 years ago) it was a very unpleasant experience. We have talked alot about how positive this is: good for your blood supply to replenish fresh. He takes a Xanax for good measure and sails through it no problem. He didn't feel it at all. Gary does fine though he looks pale and is very tired from working 2 nights plus days.

I drive Frank home. He takes a nap. We had stopped at Barnsdall Park before we went to the donor center. Frank wanted to show it to me. It's on top of a knoll behind Kaiser Hospital. We'll go back to visit the museum when we have time.

Dolores (Frank's daughter) has called. We call back. Bad news--she had a miscarriage yesterday. Misguided cells, no baby. They're OK mentally but she feels bad physically.

We stopped to see Henry and Jan on the way home. They were so happy to see us.

Oh yes, that Xanax works great for minor anxiety. I have used it to get to sleep many times.

The view above is from Barnsdall Park in Los Angeles. What a view! I see why Frank wanted to take Mom there. He worked for the Los Angeles Parks and Recreation Department for many years, so he probably got to spend some time here.

So sad that Dolores had a miscarriage. I have never heard of misguided cells in a pregnancy so I did some research and found that the most common reason for a first trimester miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality in the fetus. Miscarriage occurs in 15-20% of all pregnancies.