Worry

Saturday February 6, 1992

Another rotten night and sick and depressing day. I'm too weak and ill to eat. I have no appetite. I only shower--no makeup, no hair curling. My arm still hurts and the Tylenol every 4 hours helps a lot. I'm so depressed. I feel like I'd prefer to die.

Chris calls. I try to sound up for her. I love talking to her but today I feel so much worry for her. She's going back to work February 27. It's not going to be pleasant or healthy for her. It will be a lot of stress and also worry about Derek at home with Ric. She's not strong. I'm also worried about Dolores and the baby. She has a problem with her uterus. Judy has a problem adjusting to 2 children. I'm dressed and downstairs in the evening.

I had no idea Mom felt so rotten at this point in her life. Look at her second paragraph. She says "I try to sound up for her." Why couldn't you be real with me, Mom? Why keep me in the dark? You were always strong and wise when I needed advice or help. Why didn't you allow me to be an encouragement to you? Yes, I had a lot going on in my life with a new baby at 39 years old, and a husband who has never been around babies and is now suddenly having to be Mr. Mom while I go back to a very stressful job. It would be hard and stressful, but we all have our burdens to carry. Mom has enough to worry about without worrying about me, and Dolores (Frank's daughter) and Judy (Frank's daughter-in-law).

Dolores Is Pregnant

Sunday November 8, 1992

I sleep very well but wake up tired. I feel exhausted and can't get going 'til 1 p.m. I read some old newspapers and write a letter to Shirley after I call Mom and Chris. Frank keeps very busy as usual.

Dolores called last night to say she is 5-1/2 weeks pregnant. After 2 miscarriages we are as thrilled as she is. She has morning sickness all day, but doesn't mind. The baby is due in July. I will continue to pray for her.

I seem to have a lot of small pains in my abdomen. It hurts to bend over or stretch.

Frank fixes dinner. That's nice.

Dolores is Frank's youngest child and has been married 6 years at this point. Her daughter Robin was born the following July, but Mom would never get to meet her.

San Diego

Thursday August 27, 1992

Up and packing and ready to leave for San Diego by 11 a.m. We enjoy our beautiful ride down except for the traffic. Dolores in there to greet us when we arrive at 3 p.m. We spend the evening visiting with Dee and Steve We sleep well on their couch bed.

Frank's daughter Dolores went to college at CSU San Diego where she met her husband Steve. After they both graduated from college they settled down in San Diego. She is a teacher and Steve is an architect.

San Diego, pictured above, has a population of over 1.3 million. It is the second largest city in California (after Los Angeles) and eighth largest in the country. No wonder there was so much traffic on the drive down. Los Angeles County, Orange County and San Diego County make one huge metropolis with bumper-to-bumper cars. The climate in San Diego is what attracts so many people, as it is mild all year round, has beautiful beaches and warm water.

Surprise Birthday Party for Dolores in San Diego

Sunday July 5, 1992

Up at 5:30, we're off at 7 a.m. to pick up Frank's folks at 8 a.m., then off to San Diego for Dolores' surprise birthday party at Peohe's Restaurant on Coronado Island. It's a lovely drive and a lovely restaurant. She had been told we were coming but all were very surprised to see the folks. We had a really good brunch at 11 a.m.

After brunch we go to Dee and Steve's house for birthday cake. We visit a few hours. I'm tired from my cold and cough but have felt pretty good all day. Wonderful compared to last week! I help drive home 1/2 way. It's good to get home. Dolores loved our gift of rabbit wind chimes.

Thank you, God, for answering my prayer for recovery! We go to pick up Justin at 7 p.m. but they're still swimming so Gary brings him over at 9 p.m.

This sounds like an exhausting day for someone who is battling cancer as well as battling a cold, but in spite of all circumstances, Mom is thankful for a good day. Peohe's Restaurant on Coronado Island looks like a beautiful place with scenic views of the San Diego skyline. Frank's daughter Dolores must have been very pleased and surprised.

Fathers Day

Sunday June 21, 1992 Fathers Day

Up early and off to Eggs & Things for breakfast. It's really good!

Dolores (Frank's daughter) arrives about 9 a.m. We have a wonderful visit with her. I leave Frank and Dee alone to have some "alone time" while I get showered and clean to go to L.A. About 3 p.m. we head for Frank's folks house where we visit for awhile and then all go out to dinner. It's a wonderful dinner at an Italian place.

I'm feeling really good today. My last dose of chemo was last night for 2 week break. We are home about 9 p.m.

I wonder if Mom felt sad that her own father had died and she could not celebrate Father's Day with him. When my husband asked what I wanted for Mothers Day last Sunday I told him what I really wanted was my Mother. I had to settle for a small chili from Wendy's! I always miss her most on days like Mothers Day and her birthday May 26.

We Are Angels

Monday December 9, 1991

Had my nails done in the a.m. We decorated our Christmas tree the rest of the day. It's a big job but the house and tree look wonderful when it is done.

In the evening we go square dancing where we are angels to help Marty & Kathy and Robbie & Dolores learn. We have a good time and go to Hudson's Grill afterwards.

Angels are the wonderful people who introduce square dancing to others, bring others to square dance classes, and help the caller or teacher by filling the squares so that all class members may dance. Mom and Frank enjoyed sharing their passion with their friends. It was great exercise and certainly a great way to make many friends.

Five Weeks After Surgery

Monday November 11, 1991

Five weeks after surgery.

We're up at 7 a.m. to have breakfast with Steve before he leaves for work. Dolores tries in vain to sleep in. By 9 a.m. we are on our way to Frank's folks for lunch. I'm feeling really great! No bad effects from the hill walking yesterday. We stop for a snack at 10 a.m. I really don't think I'm any more hungry than usual with the new kemo. I think I should be able to lose a pound a week with a little effort. I'm ready to get back to walking.

We visit with Frank's folks a few hours, then head home to go square dancing. I am full of energy after a one-hour rest and really enjoy dancing with our friends. I dance every dance and don't even sit to rest in between tips. We eat out after with all our friends.

We have careful intercourse for the first time. It's great!

Wow, a full day driving from San Diego, visiting the in-laws, square dancing and then out to eat with friends, and Mom still had energy left over to have sex? I'm exhausted just hearing about her full day, and I don't have cancer. I'd say she is recovered from her surgery!

La Jolla

Sunday November 10, 1991

Slept so well! No hot flashes last night! Wonderful! I wake up feeling great! Dolores makes us turkey bacon and egg toast. We enjoy!

We take a walk and later drive to La Jolla. Steve gives us the "nickel tour" of his architectural firm. In town we stroll the streets and down to the beach. It's mostly cliffs and rocks. There were some swimmers. Sunny day, water 62 degrees.

We stop at an estate sale and Frank buys Steve a book on house repairs. Later we drive to Mission Beach and we buy lunch at a nice restaurant. We walk on the beach. We go for a drive and arrive home about 5 p.m. Dolores fixes us a nice dinner. I am tired. This was quite a day of walking for me. Surgery was 5 weeks ago. I did well today. Some strange pains, not bad.

Well, I had never heard of the term nickel tour, so looked it up and it means to show you around the place quickly. Must have been a saying from mom's generation. La Jolla is a beautiful town north of San Diego. Dolores and Steve actually moved there several years later and paid lots of money for a tiny fixer-upper. So I guess the book Frank bought this day might have come in handy for later.

Where's the Trick-Or-Treaters?

Thursday October 31, 1991

Frank lets me sleep in a bit. I'm up in time to call credit check on Laura's application and be ready to go shopping when Kathy Murphy arrives. Frank is going to lunch in the valley with someone he used to work with. Kathy and I are off to Country Rainbow to buy her some square dance clothes. We have a great time. Everything looks good on Kathy. She buys 3 outfits. We have lunch at Jesse Cates. It's really good.

Back home about 4 p.m. I am tired. Laying down awhile really helps.

We call Dolores & Steve to say we can't make it for their Open House party in San Diego this Saturday, but would love to come another weekend. They'll let us know when.

Only 10 kids come for trick-or-treat.

Dolores is Frank's daughter in San Diego. She is a teacher there and her husband Steve is an architect. Housing prices are very expensive where they live, but they finally saved enough to buy a very modest home to raise a family.

10 kids for Halloween? In our neighborhood we always run out of candy no matter how much we buy. We have hundreds of kids, including many who come from other neighborhoods. Our neighborhood is safe and well-lit with houses close together so the kids can quickly fill their pillowcases with candy. It is also a neighborhood that goes all out with decorations on the houses, both for Halloween and for Christmas. On July 3 every year several streets into the neighborhood are closed off after 5:00 because the streets are jammed with cars around the park in the center of our subdivision. Many of the streets have neighborhood barbecues and block parties and everyone gathers in the park or their front yard to see the fireworks display from the high school next door. It's a great place to raise a family.

Barnsdall Park

Thursday September 26, 1991

Up and at em, we meet Gary in Los Angeles at Kaiser Hospital Blood Donor Center. Gary and Frank are donating blood for my surgery. Frank is apprehensive. When he gave last (33 years ago) it was a very unpleasant experience. We have talked alot about how positive this is: good for your blood supply to replenish fresh. He takes a Xanax for good measure and sails through it no problem. He didn't feel it at all. Gary does fine though he looks pale and is very tired from working 2 nights plus days.

I drive Frank home. He takes a nap. We had stopped at Barnsdall Park before we went to the donor center. Frank wanted to show it to me. It's on top of a knoll behind Kaiser Hospital. We'll go back to visit the museum when we have time.

Dolores (Frank's daughter) has called. We call back. Bad news--she had a miscarriage yesterday. Misguided cells, no baby. They're OK mentally but she feels bad physically.

We stopped to see Henry and Jan on the way home. They were so happy to see us.

Oh yes, that Xanax works great for minor anxiety. I have used it to get to sleep many times.

The view above is from Barnsdall Park in Los Angeles. What a view! I see why Frank wanted to take Mom there. He worked for the Los Angeles Parks and Recreation Department for many years, so he probably got to spend some time here.

So sad that Dolores had a miscarriage. I have never heard of misguided cells in a pregnancy so I did some research and found that the most common reason for a first trimester miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality in the fetus. Miscarriage occurs in 15-20% of all pregnancies.

Pitch Woo?

Monday August 5, 1991

Slept in until 8 a.m. and lazed til 9 in bed. Up and at um! Lots of unpacking, house cleaning, washing, etc to be done.

All done, we're too tired to go square dancing. Instead we take a lovely bath and pitch woo--it was a long lonesome week in twin beds--SMALL twin beds--on the ship.

Big news! Steve calls to say Dolores is pregnant and her due date is March 17, 1992. Oh joy!! They'll make good parents, I think. I hope Steve is truly ready for the Big Change in their lives.

I am cracking up! I have never heard the expression Pitch Woo! I had to look it up on Wiktionary, and sure enough, it means making love. I sat on the edge of that huge soaking tub in their master bathroom every time I visited Mom while she meticulously applied her makeup and fixed her hair.

Yikes, small twin beds on a romantic cruise! Even more reason to avoid a cruise. Could they have requested a queen size or even king size bed? No wonder Mom was so tired trying to balance on a narrow bed.

Dolores is Frank's daughter, his youngest child. She and Steve are pictured above along with (from the left) Frank's youngest son Paul, Mom and Frank, Frank's oldest son Philip and his wife Debbie, Frank's parents Florence and John Reina. Dolores is an elementary school teacher in San Diego, and her husband Steve is an architect. Their child will be born 4 months before my son Derek.

Flying A Kite

Saturday June 15, 1991

Woke up feeling a bit woozy. Fixed french toast for breakfast again but still felt like I had a flu--ache all over. Kept laying back down while trying to get ready. Dolores and Steve will be here about 11 a.m.. They arrive at 11:45. I feel somewhat better. I fix lunch for us and we head for Ventura beach to fly our kites. My kite flies real good but Frank has lots of trouble with his.

We come home through Santa Rosa Valley--big beautiful homes. I prepare dinner for us all. Dee and Steve stay til 8:15. We must pack and get ready for our trip. We fly out tomorrow at Burbank at 6 a.m.

It's 11:00 by the time we are packed and ready and exhausted.

Oh my goodness, mom, do you ever just take a day off? Just read a book or watch a movie? Always on the go, always entertaining, always putting on a brave front, even when you are not feeling well. You are burning the candle at both ends, as they say.

A Real Fixer-Upper

Thursday June 6, 1991

Dolores awakens me at 6:15. I have slept very well and feel good again. We arrive at the house to buy at 8 a.m. for an inspection with the inspector and realtor.

The house is badly in need of many repairs, some major, some minor. Looks overwhelming to me. I suggest "Do Not Buy". They think Frank can come help put it into shape but it's way more than he can handle. It needs a roofer, electrician, mason, plumber, new carpet, carpentry, yard work, etc., etc.

We suggest to Steve that it looks like too much work for 2 busy busy people.

We arrive back home about 7:30 tired. Steve and Dee call to say they have decided not to buy the house. We agree. Dee's pregnancy test is negative.

Wow! What in the world made Dolores and Steve make an offer on such a house? I know that housing in San Diego is very expensive and maybe this is the only house they felt they could afford. But by the time they paid for all the repairs, the cheap house would become very expensive.

Dolores & Steve Buy a House

Sunday June 2, 1991

We're up at 9:30 for breakfast. After unpacking and Frank vacuuming the house, we're off to Northridge Park for the festival. We see Maria (daughter in law) and Anna (her sister). I feel surprisingly rested instead of jet-lagged. My legs feel heavy and tired after an hour and a half of walking around so we head home for a nice steak, corn and baked potato dinner at home.

Lots of phone calls to catch up on. Dolores (Frank's daughter) and Steve (her husband) have bought a house in San Diego and want Frank to come down to inspect it for them and give an opinion. So we'll go Wednesday afternoon and come home Thursday afternoon.

The folks are all OK. Mother sounds good. Couldn't reach Gary--gone fishing!

We are ready for bed by 10:00. Smokey (the cat) is very glad we're home and wants lots of lovin, and we do. The girls, Daisy and Punkin (the dogs) are happy to see us too. We love our animals.

My brother Gary always did enjoy fishing out in nature. His favorite spot is up near Mammoth Lakes in the Sierras. Since this post was written on a Sunday, there's a good chance he went up for the weekend.

Dolores, Frank's daughter, met her husband Steve when they were both attending college in San Diego. They married in 1986, pictured above. She went on to become an elementary teacher and Steve became an architect. It wasn't until Dolores went off to college that mom and Frank got married. He was a single dad raising 3 children, Dolores being the youngest, and bringing a new mom into the picture would complicate things.

Dolores & Steve

Saturday May 11, 1991

Busy morning, Frank and I giving each other permanents. Of course, I put all the curlers in. Frank puts the chemicals on.

We enjoy french toast together. I am sleeping much better now. Frank works in the yard and I putter about.

Dolores arrives about 5:30 and we take her to dinner at our favorite Japanese restaurant. She brought me a lovely lily plant. She stays until 8 p.m. when she leaves to spend tomorrow with her mom--Mother's Day.

Dee and Steve have found a house they'd like to buy in San Diego and plan to make an offer. Steve is at his mom's house.

We go for a yogurt and watch TV. In bed for whoopee by 10:30.

Dolores is Frank's daughter, currently still living with her husband Steve in San Diego. She and Steve met when she went to college at San Diego State. She is a teacher and Steve is an architect. They have 2 teenage children. Strange coincidence that Frank's daughter and mom share the same not-common name. The above photo was taken at Dolores and Steve's wedding in 1986. From the left are Frank's son Paul, mom and Frank, Frank's daughter Dolores and her husband Steve, Frank's daughter-in-law Debbie and Frank's son Philip with their son Joey, Frank's mother Florence and his father John. John died shortly after mom's death in 1993.

Birth

September 18, 1934

Dear Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Ila and Uncle Lee,

This is my first picture. I am three months old! Everything is still very strange to me, but I am doing my best to keep my eyes wide open in order to see all that is going on around me. So sorry not to have made your acquaintance before, but Daddy and Mother have spoken of you often enough. So I guess you must be OK. Don't you think I am a rather husky girl the way I hold myself up? Especially for only 3 months? You must excuse this writing as Daddy is doing it for me, because so far the only thing I am able to hold in my hand is a rattle. By now I can laugh, which everyone seems to enjoy, but when I talk, nobody seems to understand, except maybe Daddy who calls me Snocky Poops. All the family seem to like me, and even my big brother Gene takes a great deal of interest in me. Mother devotes most of her time to me and I am always glad to see Daddy come home because we are then always very happy together. I have often heard Mother and Daddy say they would sure like to take me back to California, but Daddy says business is not so good so it may be some time before we see you.

Love to all, Dolores, brother, Mama and Dad

P.S. Dear Grandpa, Daddy told me about the remark you made about me being only a girl. I don't think he did so badly because I am what both Mother and Daddy had hoped for. If Daddy has better luck and the business improved, maybe someday I will have another baby brother.

This letter was written by my Grandpa Gerald "Bumpy" in 1934 to his family back in California to announce the birth of my mother Dolores Orcutt. She was born on May 26, 1934. I never knew Grandpa as he died of lung cancer before my first birthday in 1954. Both Grandpa and Grandma were alcoholics and Grandpa was a heavy smoker as well. Dolores' brother Gene was actually her half-brother from her mother's first marriage. There never was another baby brother.