I've Become a Better and Better Mother

Tuesday May 19, 1992

I messed up my clock when I set it last night so I got up at 6 a.m. instead of 7 so by the time I get to Kaiser for chemo I'm sleepy at 10:30, sitting around reading in the waiting room. My platelets are 11,500 so it's OK to get my chemo drug. I am finished by 11:30 so I hurry home to have lunch with Frank. Frank is on the roof of the Marvel house when I arrive. He's helping the roofer. He finally comes home for lunch about 1:30.

The roofer finally finishes about 6:30 so we pick up Gary and Maria and the boys about 7 p.m. to go to dinner at the Elephant Bar. We have a great time. Afterward we go back to their house and I open birthday presents from them. I love the sentimental card from Gary. I love thinking Chris and Gary really do love me and think I'm a good mother. I think I've become a better and better mother in recent years.

Mom loved to receive sentimental cards and she was touched by Gary's card. I can't speak for Gary, but only for myself, when I say I loved her very much and miss her terribly. She was my mother and my best friend all in one. She was always very involved in our lives while we were living at home, but also after we were grown and moved out. She had to be careful not to cross the line into meddling, while still being very involved.

Overwhelming Love

Thursday May 9, 1991

Sally came by for a visit for 2 hours today. She was very surprised at how well I looked. We talked alot about religion and feelings and faith. And we talked about her worries and concerns, especially in regard to her children. It was good.

I am eating quite well and holding my weight at 153. On January 1 this year I weighed 178. I had been weighing in the mid 170s for some years and it feels wonderful to be this weight. Actually, I'd really love to weigh 137 again, which is what I weighed 9 years ago when Frank and I married.

Tonight we went to Arlan Miller's square dancing class. It was alot of fun.

Frank and I have always cared very deeply for each other, but these days the feeling is almost overwhelming. We say "I love you" alot more and really show it.

Sally is Frank's ex-wife, mother of his 3 children Phil, Paul and Dolores. Notice how even though mom is the one who is facing death, she is still a friend to Sally and a sounding board for her to express her concerns for her children.

Mom battled her weight all her life, right to the end, and she passed that issue on to her daughter.

I knew mom really loved Frank and he worshipped her, but I did not know their love was so deep that it felt overwhelming. Frank confided to me after mom had passed away that she was his soulmate and he would never find another like her.