Cousin Shirley Is Arrested

Thursday September 24, 1992

I slept like a baby. I feel great today. Frank is at class so I walk alone in the morning. After dinner we go see Gary & Maria.

I receive a call from Raymond, a young man who lives with Shirley. He tells me Shirley is in confinement. She was arrested for drunk driving. She'll get out in December. She's been there 2 weeks and wants me to write. Raymond says he loves Shirley and wants to marry her. Raymond is about 25.

We call Paul, Phil and Dolores today to ask them to call their grandfather before his surgery tomrrow.

Wow, I knew Cousin Shirley, pictured above on the left with her family, was an alcoholic, but I never knew she spent time in jail. This obviously was not her first offense for drunk driving if she was given a 3-month sentence. It must have been horrible for her! But not so horrible that she would give up alcohol. She got drunk the night of Mom's funeral and when we went to breakfast the next morning, she was a mess. Her disease killed her a year after Mom passed away. So sad, she was even younger than Mom, maybe 50. Her boyfriend is only 25? Very strange. Maybe they are drinking buddies.

A Visit With Cousin Shirley

Monday May 25, 1992

We are checked out and heading for Shirley's about 10 a.m. We drop Carol and Ed off at Cal Expo for the last day of Dixie Jazz in Sacramento. Shirley is not quite ready for company when we arrive. She has most of her makeup on but needs to do her hair. But she shows us around the house anyway. It's wonderful. She changed a dreary dark house to peach and white. She is so happy. I'm very happy for her.

I'm tired today. Frank and I take a 15-minute nap about 2 p.m. Shirley and I talk about my ovarian cancer. We think our grandmother Stillinger had ovarian cancer which puts Shirley at risk too. I told her what to watch for.

We visited til 5 p.m., left, had a good Mexican dinner out and arrived at Donna and bob's about 7:30.

It sounds like cousin Shirley is still staying sober, and even redecorated her dark smoky house. I remember visiting her with Mom and Frank when I was nursing Justin. He was 3-4 months old and as I nursed him Shirley and her mother Ila (pictured above with Shirley's son Mark and his family) smoked like chimneys a few feet away. I thought that was incredibly rude, even if it was their house. If the smoke made me sick, what was it doing to my newborn while he was trying to eat his lunch?

Sadly, Shirley's sobriety did not last for long. Her son Mark brought her to Mom's funeral a year later and she was drunk the whole time, even when we went to breakfast the day after the service. She died the following year, not from cancer but from the alcoholism that consumed her most of her life.

Cousin Shirley

Friday February 21, 1992

Heard from Cousin Shirley today. Sounds like she's doing very well. It's so great to have her alcoholism out in the open. She's very frank when she talks about what she's been through and what she's going through. She's very happy with the Assembly of God Church she has been attending. She doesn't feel judged there when she wears slacks and lots of makeup. I still think she needs structure to her life and mainly a 9-5 job. She really has no income from real estate.

We go to the movies to see JFK at 4 p.m. and then pick up a movie "Silence of the Lambs" to watch at home in the evening.

Mom's Cousin Shirley is pictured above on the left side. She always wore tons of makeup and I never saw her without it. Mom was always her main support person even though they lived 400 miles apart, Shirley in Citrus Heights, California and Mom in Simi Valley in So. California. I'm glad to know that during this period of Shirley's life, she was trying to get sober and reaching out to others in her community and in AA.

Looks like Mom had no side effects from her chemo yesterday.

Good to Have Such Good Friends

Thursday February 13, 1992

The weather is somewhat better today. We take a nice walk with the dogs. We call our friends in the valley and arrange to meet them in Woodland Hills at a square dance. It's good to get out of the house and be with friends. A great dance! We have so much fun. After the dance we all go to Baker Square for coffee. Good to have such good friends!

Shirley called this afternoon to thank us for the flowers we wired her for Valentine's Day. She really loved them and all the cards I've been sending her. She has them all on her coffee table. She's attending church regularly with a friend. She sounds great!

Good job Mom. No pie tonight, just coffee. Hope it was decaf! What an encouragement she was to her cousin who was trying to recover from her alcoholism.

First Trip in the New Fifth Wheel

Thursday January 16, 1992

Up and at 'em. Frank goes to the valley on business and I go to market and shopping. He spends the afternoon in the garage and I get ready for our weekend trip in the trailer. We are excited about finally going somewhere in it. We have a great dinner and relax at home.

I talk to Marc Ray. He says Shirley (his mom) is about to go in for detox. That's really good news!

I'm so glad that Mom was able to retire early from her job as a purchasing agent for a medical supply company. Shortly after she retired, she and Frank bought a fifth wheel so they could travel more. When I retired in 2007 my husband and I bought a fifth wheel within a month as well. That was when we had a line of credit and before the real estate bubble burst. Now I understand why Mom's entry for January 14 talks about refinancing one of her rental houses. They were using the money to pay off the trailer. They probably had a very high interest rate to finance the purchase of the trailer, so they were pulling money out of the house to pay off the trailer and another mortgage. It sounds like this weekend would be their maiden voyage with the trailer.

Alcohol Has Ruined Cousin Shirley's Life

Saturday January 11, 1992

Up late, messing around, the day gets away from me. I experience chest pain on the left side under my breast. It persists for 15 minutes. I walk down and up the stairs and it comes back. I'm worried but not ready for another hospital experience, thank you. I forgot to try the glycerin the doctor gave me. Next time. By the time I'm dressed and cleaned up, I have no more pain.

I hear from Marc Ray. He has bad news. Cousin Shirley has lost her driver's license for not showing up for an AA class. She's been drunk for several days and Marc can't reason with her. She wants to die. I try to console him but we both know there is little we can do. She admits that alcohol has ruined her life. I feel so bad for her.

We go square dancing with friends. Turners drive us.

Mom's cousin Shirley lived outside Sacramento in Citrus Heights. Her son Marc lived nearby in Roseville. Mom told me that Shirley would often call her late at night in a drunken stupor. She complained that her life was hard. I don't know who her father was, but her mother Ila was the sister of Mom's father Gerald. Shirley is shown on the left in the photo above; Aunt Ila is in the middle. Shirley's son Ray is in the back with his wife and two girls. How awful that must have been for him to see his mother kill herself with alcohol. His father had already died of alcoholism many years earlier. Shirley's sister Norma committed suicide in her 30s. Perhaps Shirley's father was an alcoholic too, as was Mom's father Gerald. Mom would patiently listen while Shirley complained about her life, and then she would encourage her to get help for her alcoholism. Shirley made a few attempts, but never conquered her disease. After Mom passed away Shirley drank herself to death soon after, just as her husband had years before. So sad!