The Gospel Hour with Marty and Kathy

Sunday September 6, 1992

We're up early. We will meet Marty and Kathy at 9 a.m. for the gospel program, one hour of church choir, a young black group, and one hour of sing-along church songs. This is my favorite part of the festival. I love to sing the songs. I know most of them by heart from my younger years of attending church regularly. Frank sings too and quite well. Marty and Kathy like it alot.

We spend the day until 11 p.m. taking them to hear all the best groups. They love it and want to go again. We have lunch and dinner outside at the pool, listening to groups play for us. We see Carol a few times.

I felt much better today.

Mom's friend Carol got Mom and Frank hooked on both square dancing and jazz festivals. Now Mom and Frank have got Marty and Kathy hooked on square dancing and now jazz festivals as well. I lost touch with Marty and Kathy after Mom's death, but was happy to receive a Christmas card from them last year with this photo. They look just the same 20 years later! They live in Arizona now.

I can't help wondering why Mom doesn't go to church regularly like she did as a young girl. She always goes to the gospel hour at the jazz festivals in Monterey, Sacramento and Los Angeles, and she talks about how the gospel hour is her favorite part. She believes in the power of prayer and her faith is strong. Wouldn't it help her to be surrounded by other believers all praying for her and for each other? I have been a part of a prayer group at my church for many years where we pray together for our kids. My church also has a prayer group for people battling cancer. Matthew 18:20 says, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."

All That Jazz

Saturday September 5, 1992

We're up about 8 a.m. Have breakfast in our room, coffee cake and cereal. Frank goes to the lobby to get us some orange juice and coffee.

We're listeningi to a jazz group by 10 a.m. About 1 p.m. we run into Carol and Harry. We agree to meet them and Nobby, her brother, at 2 p.m. Later we see Rick, Berkley and Bob Holms and Sandy. We are having a wonderful time. Lots of good music. I'm not feeling real good. I have alot of pain.

Eight of us have dinner together. I manage to eat a salad. We have a wonderful everning and retire about 11:30.

Once again they meet up with Carol, Mom's friend since kindergarten and Frank's future wife. Notice that in spite of her pain she says she is having a wonderful time.

L.A. Jazz Festival

Friday September 4, 1992

I notice a spot on my cheek doesn't look right and seems to be growing. I make an appointment to see a doctor at 2 p.m. We are packed and ready to go to the Jazz Festival so we can leave ASAP. The doctor says it looks like an infection or a bite and gives me some medicine. Not to worry, maybe a bite.

We arrive at the Airport Marriott Hotel about 3:30 p.m. We get settled in our room and then get our badges and go in search of some great jazz music.

I don't feel real well so eat a light dinner. We're in bed about 11 p.m.

Hopefully, listening to some jazzy music will lift her spirits. The Airport Marriott is a beautiful hotel, first class! Sounds very romantic.

Seeing My Enemy Made It Real

Thursday September 3, 1992

Kinda bummed today. I really knew the CAT would not be good news but seeing my enemy really made it real. At least I know what to visualize now I've seen it. But we hadn't known about the blanket on my abdomen wall. I seem to feel more pain and discomfort today.

I call my Mom to give her the latest news. She was distressed, but reassuring that God would answer our prayers and heal me. I called Cathy Thomas also.

I must step up my praying and do the visualization exercises daily.

I have the sinking feeling that seeing her enemy yesterday will be a turning point for Mom. Up to this point she is happily living her life as if nothing is wrong, blissfully in denial. I guess that saying "Ignorance Is Bliss" applied in this situation. Maybe it's better not to see the enemy?

CT Scan Results

Wednesday September 2, 1992

Today we went to see Dr. Schwartz and the last CAT scan. Dr. Schwartz was very sweet when he touched my hand to tell me the news was bad. The tumors had grown larger in 3 months, but not to feel discouraged, there were other treatments to try. We talked about Taxol kemo. I'd have to go to UCLA once a week for a 2-day stay to have it injected and the cost would be thousands for us to pay, another drug he didn't have much faith in and Dr. Semrad's pump system. I said I wanted him to call NCI for latest data. He wants to talk to Dr. Semrad.

I saw the tumors on the CAT and the blanket of cancer on the wall of my abdomen. Not a pretty sight! Quite disturbing. We went out to eat dinner after shopping Costco.

I searched the internet for CT images looking for one I imagined was similar to Mom's image. Just looking at those images was very disturbing to me, so I can just imagine how hard it was for Mom to see her own cancer in black and white. Even more disturbing though was to see the photographic images of the actual cancer on the female reproductive organs. Cancer is so ugly!

Frank's Birthday!

Tuesday September 1, 1992

A pretty uneventful day. Frank received cards and phone calls. I gave him a bunch of socks. He plans to buy a $200 scroll saw later for his birthday.

At 7:30 we go to the Boots & Slippers board meeting at the senior center. About 30 folks attended this "open" meeting. After the meeting I announced it was Frank's birthday and I brought out the cake. We all sang to him and I served cake to all while each one came up to wish him many more. He was really surprised.

What a nice surprise, better than a bunch of socks! As far as having many more birthdays, Frank celebrates his 77th birthday in just 5 days. So far he is going strong.

A Birthday Surprise for Frank

Monday August 31, 1992

We slept in til 8:30 but really slept well back in our own bed. We both still feel full but much better. I have no breakfast. At 10:45 I go have my nails done. Afterward I have a hot dog. I'm still not hungry but it tastes good.

Frank leaves for the library so I take this opportunity to go out to order a birthday cake for Frank. Joan will pick it up for me tomorrow and take it to the board meeting we'll attend tomorrow. He'll be real surprised.

Chris calls. She is upset. Her 55-year-old friend Sharon from work died suddenly in her sleep Saturday night. She had promised to come see Chris today at 4. I try to console her.

We have a lite dinner. I talked to Joan Larson. She is quite optimistic since her tumor is much shrunk. I give her encouragement.

I was looking forward to my friend Sharon coming to visit and see my 6-week-old baby Derek. She called Saturday to tell me she was bringing a gift for him on Monday. On Monday morning another co-worker called from the office to tell me that Sharon had died in her sleep Saturday night. She had an enlarged heart. She had planned to retire later that year. I think the reason I was so upset was because her death was so unexpected and I was worried that my own mother would be dying soon. How would I get by without her? Strangely, it was Mom who consoled ME even though she was the one who was sick. She also was the one who encouraged her friend Joan who was battling cancer. It was like she had so much positivity that she spread it around to others.

Too Much Spaghetti

Sunday August 30, 1992

Up at 8 a.m. and get ready to leave. We're on our way, said our goodbyes by 10:30. By 11 a.m. we are at Bob and Yoli's cabin at the beach in Oceanside. She had made us a lovely brunch. We have a nice 2-hour visit. They are excited about going on the cruise with us.

We go home via Frank's folks house. Florence insists we stay for dinner. She has already made spaghetti sauce. She insists we eat more and more and we both go home sick as usual. I feel terrible when we get home. I'm bloated and sick. I slept all the way home but still can't stay awake to watch TV. I'm in bed by 10 p.m.

I had a real good weekend. Felt real good.

Florence was a typical Italian mother, always cooking for others, and always insisting they eat, eat, eat. Yet she was skinny as a rail! Her specialty that she made every Christmas was canollis, pictured below. Every time I eat a canolli, I will think of Florence.

Wild Animal Park

Saturday August 29, 1992

We're up and off with Dee (Steve had to go to work) to Wild Animal Park. We arrive about 11 a.m. It's a hard uphill walk from the parking lot. I'm relieved when we reach the entrance. Once inside we hike up the hill to see the Dinosaur exhibit. It's tough and I sweat alot though the weather is in the 70s. It's a great exhibit.

Later we stand in line 45 minutes to ride the monorail, a 50-minute ride around the park. We see lots of animals. We have lunch, then wander around, see the bird show, the butterfly exhibit, the gorillas, etc.

We had a great day and are home tired at 5:30. We rest, eat and leave for the Padres/Pirates baseball game. It was great fun, but the Padres lost 2-3. After the game there was a great fireworks show. I felt great and did fine!

Whew! What a day! Just hearing about her day makes me exhausted, and I don't have cancer. I am amazed that Mom still has so much energy. I have been to San Diego Zoo a couple of times, but have never been to Wild Animal Park. Now that we have flights from Sonoma County Airport to San Diego, it sounds like we'll have to plan a trip there soon.

Lunch In La Jolla

Friday August 28, 1992

We sleep til 8 a.m., have a leisurely morning and go pick up Steve and we all go to lunch in La Jolla, a quaint little sidewalk cafe. The food is excellent. We take a short drive along the shore, then return Steve to his office. Dee and Frank and I stroll the mall buying some special coffee and Jellie Bellies, then back to the house.

About 4:30 we pick up Steve. He takes us to see a couple of remodels he has done. They are very lovely as are the people who live there.

At 6 p.m. we arrive at the Italian restaurant in Del Mar where we meet Steve's folks, Bob and Yoli. We eat outside with a lovely view of the sea. We have a nice dinner then stroll the mall there.

Bob and Yoli have decided to go on the cruise to the Mediterranean September 28.

While looking for photos of La Jolla on-line I absolutely fell in love with this town. No wonder Frank's daughter Dolores (also called Dee to prevent confusion when Mom and Dolores are together) and her husband Steve ended up buying a house there to raise their family. It looks a bit like Hawaii but without the geographic isolation. The weather is warm all year round and the beaches are stunning. I love this photo of La Jolla cove. Only downside is that is is very expensive to buy a house there, just like Hawaii.

It must have given Steve quite a feeling of satisfaction to see the houses he designed come to completion. It sounds like he had some happy owners that were pleased to show off their newly remodeled homes to Mom and Frank. Steve must have made friends with many of his clients. It sounds like a very good career choice for him.

It sounds like Mom and Frank made quite an impression on Steve's parents for them to suddenly decide to book a cruise with them just a month away. So now they will have gone on a cruise with both Dolores' in-laws and Paul's in-laws. I haven't heard her talk about Philip's in-laws so far. Maybe they are deceased or out-of-state.

San Diego

Thursday August 27, 1992

Up and packing and ready to leave for San Diego by 11 a.m. We enjoy our beautiful ride down except for the traffic. Dolores in there to greet us when we arrive at 3 p.m. We spend the evening visiting with Dee and Steve We sleep well on their couch bed.

Frank's daughter Dolores went to college at CSU San Diego where she met her husband Steve. After they both graduated from college they settled down in San Diego. She is a teacher and Steve is an architect.

San Diego, pictured above, has a population of over 1.3 million. It is the second largest city in California (after Los Angeles) and eighth largest in the country. No wonder there was so much traffic on the drive down. Los Angeles County, Orange County and San Diego County make one huge metropolis with bumper-to-bumper cars. The climate in San Diego is what attracts so many people, as it is mild all year round, has beautiful beaches and warm water.

Conway Twitty Concert

Wednesday August 26, 1992

Up and off to the fair again at noon. More fun. I still feel good. We stay again for the concert. It's Conway Twitty. It's even colder than last night. It's interesting that I not only feel the heat so much, but also am very uncomfortable in the cold. I'm having more and more pain in the locatino of the tumor in my lower right abdomen.

Conway Twitty was another country western singer. He died the following year at the age of 59 from an abdominal aortic aneurysm.

It's been 9 days since Mom had the CT scan and I'm thinking when is she going to get the results and when is she going to start getting some kind of treatment for her cancer that is obviously growing every day? I peek ahead in her journal to see when she finally goes back to get the results, and it is not until September 2, a whole week from this date. Does she feel the same sense of urgency that I do just reading her journal?

The Gatlin Brothers Concert

Tuesday August 25, 1992

Up and ready to go to the fair in Ventura by noon. Frank went to the valley in the morning to replace the kitchen faucet at Gledhill.

We have a great time seeing the sights of the fair. I feel real good. We have dinner and stay for the concert of the Gatlin Brothers. It was a bit windy and cold outside but fun.

Mom and Frank loved jazz but they enjoyed country western music too. As a child of the 60s I grew up listening to rock and roll, not country, so have never acquired a taste for it.

This day Frank is replacing a kitchen faucet, which is ironic, because I just talked to Frank this week and told him how hard it is to get away with our rentals constantly demanding attention. Our first day of our vacation in Oregon last month I heard from one of our tenants that their kitchen faucet was spraying all over the kitchen when they turned it on and could we come by to fix it. Fortunately, this tenant was skilled enough to replace his own faucet once we told him where to buy a new one, but other tenants and other disasters require immediate personal attention.

Hot Rollers

Monday August 24, 1992

I had alot of trouble getting my motor started this morning. I awake at 8:15 and come down for a french toast breakfast I made for us. After that I was sleepy and lethargic until noon. It was 12:30 by the time I was finally dressed, had my make-up on and hair done.

We had lunch and I sat and read most of the afternoon between doing the wash. I called and ordered the book "Fighting Cancer" for Joan and Francis.

At 7:30 we went square dancing til 9:30. Did fine, but did sit out 2 tips.

No matter whether Mom was going out or staying in, sick or healthy, camping in the dirt at Lake Don Pedro or staying in a 5-star hotel, she spent more than an hour every morning drying her hair after her shower, then curling it with hot rollers or with a curling iron (this part she could not do at the lake due to no electricity), and then backcombing her hair to give it more body and applying massive amounts of hairspray to keep her creation from drooping. I often wondered if breathing in all that hairspray every day is what caused her cancer. After the cloud of hairspray dissipated, she applied foundation, powder, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, and rouge. Mom spent all this time on her appearance not so much to impress other people but because it made her feel better about herself. Some of my best memories of visiting with her were of her sitting on a stool in front of her make-up mirror applying her make-up while I sat on the edge of the huge tub in their master bathroom. She loved to work on my hair too from the time I was a little girl until I was in my 40s. I always had a perm and curls even though my natural style is stick straight and baby fine.