Thanksgiving Dinner is Cancelled

Sunday November 24, 1991

I must feel better today. I have things to do if we are going up north this week. I slept well. I feel a little better. Ric calls to say Chris is still sick and crying and has decided to call of the Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Would I call everyone?

When I call Cousin Shirley at 11:30 a.m. she has been drinking. I am so disappointed. Later Marc calls and confirms she is back on the bottle bad. They are all very disappointed about Thanksgiving dinner. I call Donna & Bob. They understand.

I divide my grocery list with Frank and we manage to get all our groceries for a week. By evening I'm feeling awful again. the diarrhea has returned.

Thank goodness Mom was feeling a bit better this day. I was so sick the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone on the phone, even Mom, and that's saying alot because I loved talking with her. Too bad her Cousin Shirley from Citrus Heights was drunk so early in the day. She suffered from alcoholism most of her adult life, and Mom was one of the few who would put up with her behavior. I guess that's because Mom had 2 alcoholic parents. Marc is Shirley's son and apparently they were all invited for Thanksgiving. The last time I remember visiting Shirley, she was drinking and smoking like a chimney while I nursed my brand new baby in their living room. This was 1981. I thought it was so rude. One other year prior to Justin's birth they came over for Thanksgiving and were very offended that I would not let them smoke in my brand new house on a rainy day. They went out to the garage. I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with the smoke cloud when I was already so nauseous! As much as I hated to disappoint everyone and call of Thanksgiving, it was the best decision for myself and for Mom.

Paul is a Big Help

Friday September 6, 1991

Up early, feeling good--no more backache. I'm off early to shop for curtains, etc. for Lemona. I pick up Arby's chicken sandwiches for our lunch.

Frank is laying bathroom floors. Paul arrives around 4 p.m. and they go to Gledhill to repair broken pipes. Paul is so sweet to come help his dad. He's in no hurry to get home. He wants to talk about investments. He wants to retire at 40. Good luck! He needs to be patient but have a plan. He wants to buy rental properties.

It's 9:00 when we finally get home. We have a late dinner. Then I return Cousin Shirley's call. She has a new job selling AT&T service. I hope she likes it and does well. It's time for her life to take a turn for the better. She's never been more ready or deserving.

Frank's son Paul, pictured above dancing with Justin at Paul's wedding to Judy, has worked for the Los Angeles Water Department for years, so was probably familiar with repairing leaking pipes. How funny that he was planning to retire at 40! He is well past 40 today and still working for the water department, commuting one hour each direction from Palmdale to Los Angeles. Managing rental properties can be a full-time job, and a very stressful one. Not for everyone.

As for Cousin Shirley, she had a rough life. She was an alcoholic and often called Mom late at night in a drunken stupor. Mom was one of the few who had the patience to listen to her and offer encouragement. Shirley was devastated when Mom passed away and drank herself to death a few years after Mom's death.

An Engagement Ring Surprise

Sunday May 5, 1991

Shirley, Marc, Frank and I went to church. It was childrens day and they sang and read prayers and collected the offering. It was really sweet. Helen our neighbor played piano.

After church we went to Gary's where he and Maria treated us to a delicious lunch. Maria surprised us with an engagement ring Gary had just given her. No date yet for the wedding. Gary and Marc hadn't seen each other in many years so they had a good visit.

Frank and I changed into our square dance clothes and drove Shirley and Marc to the flyaway bus, then headed for Oxnard to square dance with friends. Several of us went to dinner at Jessie Cates afterward. It was a busy but nice weekend for us. I was no more tired than Frank. I'm doin' fine.

Gary and Maria had been together for almost 10 years, but didn't get married until June 8, 1992. They were both in their late 30s and Maria had 2 pre-teen boys Gabe and Joe, but Gary wanted a child of his own.

The Next Time I See You May Be In Heaven

Saturday May 4, 1991

Frank and I got up early for breakfast. He left about 8:00 a.m. to pick up Marc, Shirley's son, in Van Nuys, at the bus terminal.

It was great to see Marc. We had become very close last year when his grandmother, my Aunt Ila, had grown so ill and I went up to spend some time. It was a difficult time as she was on a respirator and too weak to communicate. She died a few weeks later and Frank and I went to Sacramento again for her funeral.

We spent the day sightseeing in Simi Valley and playing pool. We took them with us to our square dance in the evening and they watched us spin around the room with all our friends.

I remember my last words to Aunt Ila were "The next time I see you may be here or may be in Heaven."

Sounds like mom is the one having the premonition now. That last sentence was written in later with a different pen, like it was an after thought, something that she had just remembered. Mom had visited her Aunt Ila the year before as she lay dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. Aunt Ila was afraid to go off the respirator and mom tried to encourage her to let go. A few weeks later she did go off the respirator and passed away. I wonder if mom had any idea that she would be joining her aunt in heaven so soon?

"It's Always Something" by Gilda Radner

Friday May 3, 1991

Shirley and I have a lovely morning on the patio in our night clothes. She is being very gracious about smoking outdoors. Just a whiff of her smoke starts me coughing though. She came to help me around the house but I don't need it so she begins to read Gilda Radner's book "It's Always Something." It's the story in Gilda's words about her fight with ovarian cancer like mine. Gilda lost her fight, but she was very different from me in every way. She had lots of physical problems that I don't have and she didn't deal with it well, mentally. She was a very high strung creative person. I am very calm and determined.

Oddly, Chris had given me Gilda's book a couple of years ago. It's the only book she had ever give me. A premonition??

Shirley and I went out to lunch and shopped for hours.

Did I have a premonition? Why did I buy mom that book? It was 20 years ago and I can't remember what made me buy it. Cousin Shirley was a chain smoker who lived her life with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. I can't believe mom put up with it!

Cousin Shirley's Visit

Thursday May 2, 1991

I have been very busy cleaning the house this week in anticipation of Cousin Shirley Ray's visit for 4 days.

I pick up Shirley in Van Nuys at the fly-away bus terminal. She looks great! We lunch at Coco's and have the best chicken oriental salad. After lunch we drive by my 2 rental houses and then Shirley's old home in Northridge. The house looks very different. It is nostalgia time. We talk alot about the old days and our childhoods. We dig up some old and painful memories, but it is good. We have always been very close. I am all the family she has except for her 2 sons.

Cousin Shirley is Aunt Ila's daughter. Aunt Ila was mom's father's sister. They shared an abusive father and a mother who ran away with the circus. Both became alcoholics as did Cousin Shirley. I'm sure that had something to do with the painful childhood memories she refers to. Shirley's sister committed suicide when I was a little girl. Cousin Shirley is so deep in her addiction by this time that mom is the only friend she has left. Shirley would often call mom in the middle of the night drunk as could be crying about her terrible childhood. When mom died, Shirley drank herself to death shortly thereafter. So sad!