Imodium A.D.

Saturday January 16, 1993

Awoke not feeling well. Took Tylenol and later anti-nausea medicine. Finally able to eat a little cereal, later some yogurt. At 5 had a small sandwich for dinner. Diarrhea was water all day and often. I fear a reaction to the kemo. I take Imodium A.D. and it seems to improve. I finally get out of bed at 7 p.m. and come downstairs. I feel pretty good. Even my chest doesn't hurt. Too bad we don't make it to the special Cowboys and Indians square dance. We watch a movie instead.

Just a few weeks into the 1993 and days into her final journal, and it is getting harder and harder to continue my blog. It is not pleasant to hear about someone you love suffering. But Mom made the commitment to post every single day, no matter how awful she was feeling, and I commit to finishing this blog in her honor.

99.6 Temp

Thursday October 15, 1992

I don't feel well. I don't feel like getting out of bed. I have a temp of 99.6 and lower abdomen pain like diarrhea. I have alot of pressure on my bladder and must empty it every 20 minutes. I pass rectal water like puss often. I finally decide to try Imodium AD for diarrhea.

I decide to go to the doctor at 3 p.m. Maybe I have a bladder infection. The tests are negative. I realize now the pressure is only when I'm lying down. I come home and go back to bed. I sleep off and on til Frank comes to bed at 10:30. I sleep pretty well through the night.

Of course she has pressure on her bladder and her intestines when lying down. Has she forgotten that she saw the images of the CT scan last month showing her abdomenal wall covered with tumors? They most certainly have gotten bigger without any treatment and will cause her more pain and pressure as time goes by.

I Just Let the Phone Ring

Monday November 25, 1991

I'm so sick--nausea and diarrhea. I have had no luck with Imodium AD. Nothing I eat will stay with me. Within 1 hour what I eat has gone through as water. I call Oncology. They tell me to come in tomorrow at 9:30 for a 4-hour intravenous and blood tests. I feel awful. Can't eat. I've lost 7 pounds in 7 days.

Frank goes out to dinner with Marty, Kathy, Robbie & Dolores. I ask not to see anyone. Then they all go square dancing and Frank comes home. I go to bed early and sleep well. I don't even feel well enough to talk on the phone today. I just let it ring.

Wow, de ja vu! Isn't that what I just said on yesterday's post? I felt too awful to talk on the phone. Now Mom has the same problem. In 1991 she probably had an answering machine, but definitely did not have Caller ID, a convenience we enjoy today to see who is calling. She must have insisted that Frank go square dancing. He probably didn't want to leave her.

Thanksgiving Dinner is Cancelled

Sunday November 24, 1991

I must feel better today. I have things to do if we are going up north this week. I slept well. I feel a little better. Ric calls to say Chris is still sick and crying and has decided to call of the Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Would I call everyone?

When I call Cousin Shirley at 11:30 a.m. she has been drinking. I am so disappointed. Later Marc calls and confirms she is back on the bottle bad. They are all very disappointed about Thanksgiving dinner. I call Donna & Bob. They understand.

I divide my grocery list with Frank and we manage to get all our groceries for a week. By evening I'm feeling awful again. the diarrhea has returned.

Thank goodness Mom was feeling a bit better this day. I was so sick the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone on the phone, even Mom, and that's saying alot because I loved talking with her. Too bad her Cousin Shirley from Citrus Heights was drunk so early in the day. She suffered from alcoholism most of her adult life, and Mom was one of the few who would put up with her behavior. I guess that's because Mom had 2 alcoholic parents. Marc is Shirley's son and apparently they were all invited for Thanksgiving. The last time I remember visiting Shirley, she was drinking and smoking like a chimney while I nursed my brand new baby in their living room. This was 1981. I thought it was so rude. One other year prior to Justin's birth they came over for Thanksgiving and were very offended that I would not let them smoke in my brand new house on a rainy day. They went out to the garage. I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with the smoke cloud when I was already so nauseous! As much as I hated to disappoint everyone and call of Thanksgiving, it was the best decision for myself and for Mom.

Kemo #3

Tuesday November 19, 1991

Awake at 7:12 after 8 hours of pretty good sleep. Only 2 trips to the bathroom. I still have diarrhea but my terrible indigestion is better thanks to lots of Mylanta liquid.

By 10:30 we're off to Kaiser for Kemo #3. the waiting room has few in it today but it is still 1:30 when we leave. We go to Sizzler for a nice trout lunch. We make a few stops and end up at Costco where we spend alot of money and buy a few Christmas presents. I last a couple of hours but have to go to the car and let Frank finish and check out. I'm so tired from this darn diarrhea.

At home I hear from Chris. She is sick in bed (2 days) nauseated from her 3-week pregnancy. I wonder who will really fix the Thanksgiving dinner for 20? I hope she feels better soon. So far not so good.

It sounds like the kemo treatments didn't affect her too badly, since she went out to lunch and then shopping afterwards. I wonder if they had Prilosec in 1991. That's the only thing that works for me when I have indigestion.

Yikes, Thanksgiving for 20? I don't remember who was supposed to come, but that's a pretty big crowd. My nausea started very early in my pregnancy, almost the same day I took the pregnancy test, and continued until I gave birth. I couldn't even work much less make a Thanksgiving feast. In fact, just the sight of food would make me vomit.

Diarrhea Won't Keep Her Down

Monday November 18, 1991

Frank is up and walking to the post office this morning. I can't go. I have to stay close to the toilet because of this darn diarrhea. Anyway, I want to save myself for square dancing tonight. I take Smokey out to the trailer for awhile and after about 15 minutes he settles down and starts to relax.

Marty and Kathy come early. Marty has made us a new screen as a favor. How sweet. We all go square dancing and have a great time. Lots of laughs! I'm feeling pretty darn tired at the end so we go straight home instead of going to Hudson's Grill with our friends.

I've had indigestion and some diarrhea all day.

First constipation and 2 days later diarrhea! Must be some of the symptoms of her kemo 6 days earlier. No wonder she's tired at the end of the evening of square dancing! Tomorrow is Kemo #3.