Halloween

Saturday October 31, 1992

Up and slow getting ready. Frank takes a day off from the rental house. I still have pressure in my neck and chest from the medication. I tire easily.

We go to Gary's in the afternoon. I organized the garage cupboard and took all the beer out to give to Gary.

I fix fried potatoes, fish and brocoflower and I eat very well. I'm tired though so Frank answers the door as all the children come to trick or treat. Gary and Maria bring the boys, two of their friends and their mom to visit about 9:00.

So glad Mom's stomach ache seems to have subsided and she is able to eat without pain. Frank is a saint for taking care of Mom, working on the rental houses, and now answering the door to trick-or-treaters.

No Square Dancing Tonight

Friday October 30, 1992

Up at 8:00 feeling pretty good. I finish the last 2 loads of wash.

Karen King calls to say a group of our square dance friends are going dancing in Northridge tonight. I would love to go but my energy level is still very low, and my chest still hurts.

We have a nice dinner and watch a couple of rented movies.

Stomach Ache

Thursday October 29, 1992

Awoke at 7:30 feeling a bit better. Decided some toast and scrambled eggs might taste good and it did, but it gave me a stomach ache. When lunchtime came, I still had the stomach ache, but ate a little anyway.

My new washer and dryer arrive about 2:30. Frank has come home to supervise. All goes well.

I do 2 loads of wash. Frank goes back to Newbury Park. I put a pork roast in the oven. By dinnertime I still have a stomach ache, but my chest ache is much improved.

Joan Larson calls and we have a great visit talking about our kemo pumps.

I wish I knew what is causing my stomach ache. What next?

I Had My Nightgown Ready

Wednesday October 28, 1992

I'm awake from 4 a.m. Can't sleep. Worried about what is wrong with me. I get up at 7 a.m. to begin to get ready to leave at 9 for Kaiser Hollywood and Dr. Semrad.

We arrive early but the nurse calls me right away to take blood from my catheter, but she can't get any so tries a saline flush, but when she draws it back, she gets a huge blood clot. She's excited and she and another nurse agree they've never seen anything like it. They need Dr. Semrad.

Dr. Semrad decides the catheter has come out of the vein so all the medicine has been going into my lung area, which could account for my discomfort. He must pull out my catheter and tube. He will schedule me for next Tuesday to try again. He says this is only the second one he's ever seen come out. I'm relieved to know what's wrong with me. Doctor says I should feel better in 3 days. I had my nightgown in the car. I was ready for a hospital stay.

I'm disappointed that I will lose a week and have to go through the minor surgery again, plus getting used to the pump. But it's nice to have a few days off the pump to feel free again. I should have a nice weekend.

We stop and have a nice lunch at Eggs & Things. I relax all day, talk on the phone. We have a light dinner and watch TV. I needed to share what had happened, called Frank's mom and Chris. My mom called me so I had plenty of outlets.

I'm glad that Mom felt free of the pump, but I was mostly concerned that she had now gone several months without any chemo treatments.

Feeling Terrible

Tuesday October 27, 1992

I awake feeling terrible. Decide to stay in bed today. I can't stay awake. Sleep most of the morning.

Frank makes an appointment for me at the local clinic at 2:30. At 2:30 he takes me. They seem real concerned. They run all kinds of tests including chest x-rays, EKG and blood tests. At 5 p.m. I'm finally sent home. I'll take all the test information to Dr. Semrad tomorrow, my weekly visit for my pump.

I eat a little dinner. Gary comes by to pick up Joe's birthday present.

I'm in bed at 10:00, still feeling terrible.

Gary's Birthday

Monday October 26, 1992 Gary's Birthday

Not feeling well. I call Dr. Semrad. Up and dressed though. My chest still hurts. Dr. Semrad calls in a prescription for antibiotics. I lay around all day. Carol calls and we make a date to go to dinner at her house November 21.

Gary and Maria come over after they go out to dinner so we can wish Gary a Happy Birthday. Frank has bought 1/2 gallon of ice cream to celebrate. We all have some. Gary has brought me some pizza. I eat 2 for dinner. I feel bad and go to bed when they leave.

Is it my new kemo pump causing me to feel bad? I wonder.

My brother Gary is 36 years old this day. Does Mom wonder whether she will be around for his 37th?

Pressure In My Chest

Sunday October 25, 1992

During the night I awoke with a strange feeling of pressure in my chest, shoulders and neck and head. When I awake I still have it but manage to get up and dressed and go with Frank to the valley to look at carpet, and new washer and dryer at Sears.

I'm taking pain pills all day and even manage to go to the craft fair at the park and at 5 p.m. we are at Dick and Gayle's for a video of our Colorado trip and dinner with 10 of our friends. We enjoy and stay until 8:30.

I fall asleep after talking on the phone to Donna and Chris.

Uh-oh, sounds like square dancing last night may not have been a good idea.

Of Course You Can Dance!

Saturday October 24, 1992

Awake early. Can't sleep past 5:30 a.m. since our trip, but I have a hard time staying awake after 8-8:30 p.m. Hopefully I'll get back on track soon. Then it gets worse because tonight we set our clocks back one hour so tomorrow I'll awake at 4:30 a.m.

Marty and Kathy are coming to go to dinner with us tonight at 6:15 before square dancing at 8 p.m. I'm feeling fantastic today. I get alot of little jobs done around the house and still talk on the phone all day--12 people.

We'll go dancing, but I probably won't dance with this huge 5 pound 5"x11"x3" pack on my side. It would be very awkward. We'll see.

"Of course you can dance!", our friends all insist. I put the pump in front and dance all night. I have a great time! Full of energy!

Mom was always very confident in herself and didn't care much what other people thought, but carrying around the bulky pump made her feel awkward, as it would most people. I think it is so sweet that her friends encouraged her to dance anyway, and how wonderful that she was full of energy and felt great!

The Maynard House

Friday October 23, 1992

Slept most of the day yesterday and still had a pretty good night. Amazing. Awoke feeling so much better. I'm taking my other anti-nausea medicine.

We tape saran wrap on my chest and I hang the pump outside the shower on the great hook Frank made for that and I'm in the shower. It feels great after 2 days of no shower but the water gets under the saran wrap. Frank helps me flush my catheter, not so bad, and I am dressed and made up by 11 a.m.

We go to Woodland Hills to look at carpet for Maynard game room. Back in Simi we have hot turkey lunch at Millie's. I still don't have an appetite. I've lost 13 pounds in the past 3 weeks.

After resting an hour I drive myself to Maynard. Frank wants me to check it out. I'm nervous driving with my pump beside me. We bought a belt to wear it easier. We have a quiet evening at home.

Oh, I tried that trick when I had my foot in a cast. I wrapped my cast in a black garbage bag and duct taped it to my leg around the cast. How I hated taking sponge baths, but the water got underneath the plastic every time in the shower.

The Maynard Avenue house in Newbury Park was the house where Frank lived and raised his 3 children prior to Mom and Frank's marriage in 1982. After they bought a beautiful new house together, the Maynard house became a rental. The photo above was the only one I could find that was taken in the game room (converted garage) of this house. This photo was taken in 1980 at Christmas. I am 27, Mom is 46, her mother Helen is 72, and Helen's mother Amanda Johnson is 101 years old! Grandma Johnson passed away the following year, Grandma Helen died at the ripe age of 89 and Mom died when she was not yet 59. I have already outlived my mother, but can I possibly live as long as my great-grandmother Johnson? She was always very active and took a walk every afternoon until she fell and broke her hip at the age of 101. What am amazing woman! She moved to the United States when she was just 16, lived in Minnesota and then Van Nuys, California, and raised 14 children in the same house where she died in 1981.

Orange Sherbet Pushups

Thursday October 22, 1992

Didn't sleep very well, worrying about the pump laying next to me, about getting tangled in the tube or pulling it out. At 6 a.m. I am vomiting even though I took the anti-nausea medicine. I feel terrible and spend the day in bed. The Compazine suppositories work a bit better. I wash my dirty hair in the kitchen sink but that's all I accomplish.

Frank brings me toast and juice and orange sherbet pushups. I love them when I'm sick. He found them at Ralph's. Bless his heart. The only market in town that has them. At 1:30 Frank takes Joseph to the dentist for a root canal. It's 5 when he gets home.

I couldn't face changing my dressings and flushing the catheter, but finally had to do it at 11 a.m. So nervous. But with Frank's help, not too bad. Thank God for Frank! One in a million.

I have always admired the fact that no matter how poorly she felt, Mom wrote in her journal every day, something I have not been able to do. I am now in my 4th year of publishing Mom's journal that she wrote in just 2. Up until now, it has been a mostly enjoyable journey, but as she approaches her last 1/2 year of life, I know there will be more pain and suffering and it will be harder and harder to me to turn the page.

I took Compazine pills this same year during my pregnancy with Derek when I was nauseous 24/7. They didn't do a thing. I can understand that it was difficult to sleep for worrying about the tube coming out of her chest, and certainly it would be very hard to change the dressing at her surgical site and flush the catheter when she is already nauseous. Frank, you certainly are one in a million! Not too many men would make a run to the only market that carries orange sherbet pushups, take care of the rental houses, take care of a sick wife, AND spend 3-1/2 hours taking Mom's grandson to the dentist. You are amazing and I love you!

I'm On The Pump Now

Wednesday October 21, 1992

We are back at Kaiser Sunset at 10 a.m. I slept well. Dr. Semrad shows us the pump and how it works. It's much larger than I thought, about the size of a hardbound book, but thicker. It's heavy, 3-4 pounds. We talk. Yes, I will probably lose my hair, at least 50%, soon. I'd better shop for a wig soon. I hate them. They are hot and uncomfortable. Will probably only wear it out. I'm sad. I thought there were no side effects. Dr. Semrad says they're having much success with the pump.

More confusion. The nurse that is to instruct us on the catheter and bandage care is not available until 12:30-1 p.m. So we wait. She comes. It's so complicated and confusing. I'm glad Frank is there to help me remember. She also gives us instructions. I don't feel well. We go right home. I have some soup. I'm on the pump now.

For the most part up until now, I sense that Mom is blissfully in denial about the severity of her cancer. She has not had to curtail many activities and had few side effects. Having to now carry around a 3-4 pound pump everywhere she goes and cleaning out the catheter everyday will be a chore. Mom took alot of pride in her appearance and spent an hour fixing her hair and makeup every morning, so I am quite sure the thought of losing at least half her hair was quite disturbing. Her hair was fine, like mine, and also thin, so she didn't have much to lose. I completely understand her feelings of sadness.

Catheter Surgery Day

Tuesday October 20, 1992 Catheter Surgery Day

I don't sleep as usual when I'm apprehensive and must get up early. I'm up at 5:30. My last great shower. At 7 a.m. we're off. We make good time and arrive at 8:10. At 8:30 we can go upstairs but some confusion, Dr. Semrad forgot he was doing me today so doesn't show up until about 10 a.m. In a special examining room I'm given a small dose of something to relax me, then a couple of locals. I feel fine and talk with the doctor and nurse the whole time. They say to sponge bathe only tomorrow and come back at 10 a.m. We go to Denny's for breakfast about 1 p.m.

I don't feel like going to the meeting tonight re: decorations for New Years Eve dance.

I have one incision in my chest with stitches where the tube enters my vein, another in my breast where it comes out--no stitches, a coil of tube and catheter there.

Again, I can relate to Mom not being able to sleep the night before her procedure. Whether it's excitement or apprehension I always have a sleepless night before the event. I have learned to just automatically take a Xanax when I go to bed, and if that doesn't work, I take 2. I make sure the volume is on high on the alarm clock so that I don't sleep through it in the morning.

On September 1, 2008 I had back surgery scheduled in Sacramento which involved having nothing to eat or drink after midnight the night before, getting up early, driving 2 hours to the Sacramento Kaiser Hospital, and checking in at the waiting room area around 9 a.m. I was kept waiting until 1:30 with nothing to eat or drink and no one to keep me company as my husband had gone to work in Sacramento after dropping me off. So frustrating to be kept waiting so long! By the time my procedure was completed and I was released to go home and got something to eat it had been more than 24 hours since I had food or drink. I was happy I didn't have to spend the night in the hospital, but that 2 hour drive home was a painful one, and I felt every bump in the road.

Mom's procedure sounds pretty invasive, much more of an intrusion into her lifestyle than taking chemo medication or checking in once a week for an infusion of chemotherapy. But with the tumors growing and all her other options exhausted, this was her next step. I'll bet she hated not being able to shower.

I Worry About Chris & Ric

Monday October 19, 1992

At 7 a.m. I cuddle up with Frank. We've had enough sleep. We talk awhile. It must be terrible for him lately. I haven't been much of a wife or even companion to him lately. Certainly not much help or support at the Newbury Park house. I will try hard to make it to square dancing tonight. I must do the 10 loads of wash from our trip and linens but will try to rest in between. He needs and deserves a social life and we have so many friends there, many who really care.

I spend alot of time worrying about Chris & Ric. I worry that they are in too deep financially and I worry about Chris' health at 40 with a new baby to raise until she's 60 years old. I know how hard it would be for me to have an 18-year-old. And Ric is almost incapacitated with his bad back and no help to Chris.

We go square dancing. I feel pretty good but only dance 2 tips. Frank dances with Charlie. It's so good to see all our friends after so long on our trip. Thank you God for giving me the energy to go tonight. We even go to Hudson's afterward. I have a malt because I don't know what time I'll get to eat again. I cannot eat after midnight until after my surgery tomorrow.

Did it ever occur to Frank that he could go square dancing without Mom? I don't think so, he was so completely devoted to her. I seriously doubt that he felt like Mom was not a good wife or companion, and I doubt he ever complained to her.

I am surprised to hear that Mom worried about our finances. Our life never involved frequent meals out in restaurants or cruises and excursions like hers did, but we have never struggled to pay our bills and I have always had good credit. So many people are going hungry right now (1 out of 6 I heard on the news recently) and many are unemployed and homeless, that I feel blessed to have had a 33-year career with a good company, good benefits and a comfortable retirement.

Mom was right about the difficulties of raising teenagers as a 60-year-old. In April 2013 I will be 60 and my boys will be 18 and 21. My son Derek, pictured above when he was 6 months old in 1992, expressed to me last night that he will probably live with us for at least another 10 years because by then we will be the ones needing care. Ric is asleep every night by 9:00 and I can't stay awake past 11, which means our boys are usually up later than we are. Thank God they have not given us any grief. Ric's back has only gotten worse after 20 years and now he struggles with controlling his blood sugar after developing diabetes, high cholesterol, and deteriorated cartilage in his knee that makes it difficult for him to walk. I had a herniated disk in my lower back in 2008, sciatica, and most recently several episodes of vertigo and a dislocated jaw. I had no health issues until I was in my 50s. So yes, having children late in life is difficult, and probably puts an undue burden of worry on them. Derek has a sign on his bedroom wall listing his priorities for his life:
1. $$$ (getting a good education and a good job)
2. Dad's health (he doesn't have much control over this)
3. Airsoft Empire (his hobby and passion)

How Do You Encourage Someone in Jail?

Sunday October 18, 1992

By 7:30 we can't stay in bed any longer. We are all up for a cereal breakfast. The boys shower and entertain themselves while I get ready. Frank goes to Newbury Park.

Gary and Maria come to get the boys about 11 a.m. They stay to visit a couple of hours. I feel pretty good but still have no appetite. I eat very little. More phone calls. I write a letter to my cousin Shirley in Sacramento who is incarcerated due to drunk driving for 3 months. I try to give her words of encouragement. It's really terrible for her there.

Frank comes home to take me out to dinner at Coco's. I eat very little, feel we wasted money. The dinner doesn't set well. I don't feel good and fall asleep at 8 p.m. on the couch.

Mom was a wise woman and was someone her friends and family often turned to for advice. However, her cousin Shirley seemed unable to conquer her alcoholism and after several DWIs was finally arrested. I can't even imagine how depressing that would be to spend 90 days in jail. About the only good thing about it is that no alcohol is served and I believe they do have AA meetings there. I wish I could have read Mom's letter to her cousin Shirley.

I guess it's a good thing that Mom now has no appetite since eating anything makes her sick. I wonder if she gained weight on the cruise like most people do. It's time to stop eating out in restaurants and stick to a bland diet at home.

Card Party

Saturday October 17, 1992

I feel much better this morning. My temp is normal most of the day. Frank is in Newbury Park all day again. I spend most of the day answering phone calls so it is after 1 p.m. when I am finally dressed and ready for the day.

I think I feel well enough to go to Karen and Lew's card party tonight. It's a potluck and I don't feel up to fixing something but find a lasagna in the freezer to take.

Junior and Joe come to spend the night while Gary and Maria go to a late wedding. At 6:00 we go to the party. I eat well and feel fine so we stay to play cards. There are 20 people there. We have alot of fun but by 9:00 I'm tired. It's over at 9:30 and I'm ready to go home and right to bed. We all go to bed at 10:00.

I never met Karen and Lew, but I believe they are members of their square dancing club. The club was much more than dancing. It was their social life, with camping trips, jazz festivals, and parties. I can't tell from her post if her grandsons Junior and Joe went to the party with them, or stayed at the house, but considering they were 14 and 12 at the time, they probably stayed at the house watching TV.

100 Temp

Friday October 16, 1992

I awake feeling a little better. We have breakfast and Frank colors my hair. I'm done in after that and back in bed for an hour or so. I have 100 degree temp. I'm finally up and ready by noon. Frank gets us chicken sandwiches from Carl's Jr. I get terrible intestinal pains from that. I call the doctor to ask for antibiotics. I must have an intestinal bug. Maybe I got it from drinking the tap water in Barcelona. How much of this is caused by the cancer?

The Simi doctor never calls back but after several hours my stomach pains subside. I am up but on the couch much of the day. I manage to do a little housework.

I fall asleep early on the couch. I'm still tired and sleeping 10-11 hours each night.

I'm no doctor, but I imagine the combination of jet lag, numerous abdominal malignant tumors, and perhaps the tap water in Barcelona, all contributed to her exhaustion, intestinal pain and fever. I drank the tap water in Barcelona when I was there in 1974 and I was sick for several days afterwards.

99.6 Temp

Thursday October 15, 1992

I don't feel well. I don't feel like getting out of bed. I have a temp of 99.6 and lower abdomen pain like diarrhea. I have alot of pressure on my bladder and must empty it every 20 minutes. I pass rectal water like puss often. I finally decide to try Imodium AD for diarrhea.

I decide to go to the doctor at 3 p.m. Maybe I have a bladder infection. The tests are negative. I realize now the pressure is only when I'm lying down. I come home and go back to bed. I sleep off and on til Frank comes to bed at 10:30. I sleep pretty well through the night.

Of course she has pressure on her bladder and her intestines when lying down. Has she forgotten that she saw the images of the CT scan last month showing her abdomenal wall covered with tumors? They most certainly have gotten bigger without any treatment and will cause her more pain and pressure as time goes by.

Jet Lag

Wednesday October 14, 1992

I don't sleep much from 2-4 a.m. We arise about 8 a.m. I don't feel too bad. Frank feels great! He goes into high gear. I rest alot during the day, sleeping off and on. I feel pretty good about 5:30 p.m. so get up and have a light meal. Frank does too. Then at 7:30 we go to round dance class. I do pretty good though I still have the pain under my ribs on the right when I strain or cough or take a deep breath.

We're home by 10 and I'm ready for bed again.

Gary called at 5:30 p.m.

It seems like Mom and Frank didn't have much trouble with jet lag either direction. With my limited experience with flying, I have noticed that the adjustment is easier going from east to west, where you are gaining time, and harder when flying west to east, where you are losing time. I feel sleepy for a couple of days when we turn our clocks forward for Daylight Savings Time, much less flying halfway around the globe!

Leaving Barcelona

Tuesday October 13, 1992 Leaving Barcelona

We're up at 6 a.m. to finish packing, have breakfast, check out and be ready when the car comes for us. We have our own private car and driver to take us to the airport. He is dressed in a business suit. His diesel car is low on oil so we go to where he lives to get some oil. He has to park illegally in an alley as there is no place to park among the tall apartment buildings. He drives so fast it scares me, about a 25 minute ride.

We have plenty of time to wander around the airport and run into our friends June and Bob. She's been sick 2 days. A lady named Grace sits on the aisle next to Frank and talks to him endlessly. Thank God I had the window seat. When we reach L.A. from London she tells me how wonderful he is. He has been so sweet to her.

After customs we catch the bus to Van Nuys to get our truck. It's 8 p.m. L.A. time when we arrive home, but 4 a.m. Barcelona time. We've been up almost 24 hours. Frank calls his folks and we go to bed.

Mom was such a people person, I know she would have loved to visit with Grace on the plane, but to have someone talk for 12+ hours on a flight where she was a captive audience would have been too much even for Mom. Frank displayed amazing generosity letting Mom have the window seat and then amazing patience with Grace talking his ear off. I'm sure they were both exhausted and would have liked nothing better than to get some rest. I'll bet they slept well this night after being up 24 hours! But before he could hit the sack, being a good Italian son, he checked in with his Mom first to let her know they were home safe.

La Rambla Barcelona

Monday October 12, 1992 Barcelona, Spain

God has answered my prayers once again. I feel so much better. And the agent has arrived with our tickets for the tour and our trip to the airport on Tuesday. I hurry to get ready. Frank goes down for the continental breakfast in our hotel. He brings me 2 rolls. I'm off with little make-up and a damp head. We take a cab a few blocks to catch our bus at 9:15. It's a great tour. Some we already saw yesterday and the Olympic area we saw Saturday. We go to a Spanish village which is a recreation of other parts of Spain. Great!

Our tour is finished at 12:30. We take a cab back because of light rain. We rest and go out on La Rambla to a cafe for a sandwich lunch. We walk alot. I feel good. We buy a pastry in a pastry shop and stroll the boulevards, watch a carousel in a park, return to rest before dinner. It starts to serve at 8:00. We eat at our hotel. My salmon dinner is terrible. Frank likes his pork dinner.

So glad that Mom is feeling better, and that they got to take a better tour. This one sounds like fun. The summer Olympics were held in Barcelona just a few months before Mom and Frank visited, so I'm sure the city was spruced up nicely. Perhaps seeing the Olympics in Barcelona on TV is what inspired them to take a Mediterranean cruise.

Sunday La Sadana Folk Dance In Barcelona

Sunday October 11, 1992 Barcelona, Depart ship

Up early and ordered off the ship at 8:10. We were in no hurry, but that was our assigned time. No problem with customs, but had to fight for a cab. It cost us $7 or 650 pisada. We were lucky they let us into our room so early in the morning when we reached our Hotel Regina. It's a nice hotel, three star. Our room is spacious with 2 twins pushed together. Bath has a bidea.

We rest until 11:30. I don't feel well but we go walking down the La Ramble, a broad street where everyone goes for a walk. There are cafes, 2 McDonalds, Burger King and Kentucky Colonel. There are stands of fresh flowers and birds and pets for sale.

We find the square in front of the cathedral where peple gather to dance in huge circles to a live band. It's wonderful to watch. We have a great hamburger and fries at Burger King and return. I feel full of pain and sick all over. I sleep off and on all evening and all night. I pray alot.

La Sardana is a traditional and patriotic folk dance of Catalonia. You can see La Sardana dancing every Sunday on the Plaza Plà de la Seu in front of Barcelona's La Seu cathedral in the Barrio Gotico area. I can't tell from Mom's post if they knew about it in advance or they just stumbled upon the dancers, but it sounds like a wonderful thing to see, and their timing was perfect, arriving at noon on Sunday. Too bad Mom and Frank chose Burger King for lunch. It sounds like the greasy fries and burger upset her stomach. At least they had a nice spacious hotel room to enjoy instead of the tiny cabin they had on the ship.

Barcelona, Spain

Saturday October 10, 1992 Barcelona, Spain

Up at 7 a.m. to leave on a bus at 9:15 for a tour of the wine country, a wine museum, and the beach city of Sitges. The town with the wine museum is very interesting, but we don't have time to visit there, only the museum which is OK. There are outside market stalls selling everything and everyone comes to shop on Saturday.

I am not feeling well. I'm taking the pain pills yesterday and today to get by. I am stiff and sore. I still have the chest pain and the tumor pain persists and seems worse when I walk alot, and we have walked alot.

On our tour we went to the beach city of Sitges for lunch and a 4-hour stroll on the beach. All the shops were closed on Saturdays. Our lunch was in a lovely hotel.

We arrived back at 5:45. At 6:30 we were at our last dinner together. We said our final goodbyes. We have all their addresses so hope to keep in touch.

Barcelona is the capital of Catalonia and the second largest city in Spain, after Madrid, with a population of 1,621,537. It is home to some beautiful churches and cathedrals, but it sounds like their excursion did not show them much of Barcelona. Instead they got to stroll on the beach for 4 hours! Wow, I hope they didn't pay much for this excursion.

Cannes, France

Friday October 9, 1992 Cannes, France

Up at 6 to be on the tender at 8:15 which takes us from our ship to the dock where our bus awaits us. It will take us to Nice, Monaco, Monte Carlo. We drive along the coast. All the buildings are very clean and nice. We pass the famous building where the Cannes Film Festival is held each year.

We see many huge expensive yachts. We pass by the famous Monte Carlo Casino and on to the principality of Monaco where Prince Rainier lives. He is not at home when we arrive. The weather is not good and keeps trying to rain on us. It's a good walk past Caroline's and Stephanie's homes.

We enter the church and see the tomb of Princess Grace. We don't enter the palace. I buy a T shirt. There are TV cameras everywhere watching everyone.

We take a long drive through the mountains for lunch and tour the perfume factory in Grassi. I'm exhausted when we return at 6:00. Hurry to dinner. Not hungry. Pack and go to bed.

This sounds like a fun day on the French Riviera. I have never visited this area of France, having only travelled to Paris.

American actress Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier III of Monaco in 1956. It was called the Wedding of the Century by the press at the time. The prince and princess had 3 children, Caroline, Albert and Stephanie. On September 13, 1982, while driving with her daughter, Stéphanie, Princess Grace suffered a stroke, which caused her to drive her car off the serpentine road down a mountainside. She died the next day at the age of 52. Her daughter Stephanie survived the accident. Prince Rainier lived to the ripe old age of 81 and died April 6, 2005. He was buried on April 15, 2005, beside his wife, Princess Grace, at the Saint Nicholas Cathedral, the resting place of previous sovereign princes of Monaco and several of their wives, and the place where Prince Rainier and Princess Grace had been married in 1956.

Livorno, Italy

Thursday October 8, 1992 Livorno, Italy

We're up at 6 a.m. to be ready to leave the ship and board our bus at 8:30 for our trip to Florence and Pisa. We arrive in Florence about 10:30. It's a mad rush to try to see what we wanted to see. We only have time to see the city and shops, churches and bridge Ponte Vicci where all the gold shops are. We buy Frank's mom some earrings there. We scarf a piece of pizza each which cost $5 each.

Back on the bus at 2:30, we head for Pisa. The leaning tower of Pisa is really something.

We get back in time to jump into other clothes and go to dinner. We go to bed early and I have a terrible pain under my ribs right side. I take a pain pill.

This I see as the drawback of trying to see the sights of Europe from a cruise ship. Many cities of interest are port cities, but some are not, like Florence which was a 2 hour drive from the port of Livorno. To only have 1/2 day to see the entire city of Florence plus the city of Pisa seems way too rushed. Two days in port would be better. I remember visiting Florence in 1974 and there were many museums with spectacular art and architecture. Too bad Mom and Frank didn't have time to visit the Galleria dell' Accademia, home to Michaelangelo's statue of David. On the other hand, they got to see the leaning tower of Pisa, which I missed.

I didn't realize that Florence was femous for it's gold shops. How appropriate that they bought Frank's mother some earrings there, considering her name is Florence. When I was there I bought several items made of leather, including the oversized leather album where I keep my photographs of my 8 week trip through Europe in 1974.

Tango

Wednesday October 7, 1992 At Sea

Awake at 6 a.m. feeling wonderful. I must have had 10 hours of sleep. After our 8 a.m. breakfast Frank goes to his exercise class and walking. I go to tour the bridge. It's interesting with all the buttons and dials. We're on automatic steering in the open seas. During the day we passed the islands of Sardenia and Corsica.

I play the race horses and win one so spent $5. Later I play Bingo. Frank and I take a dance class and learn the tango again. After dinner we go to the show with great dancers and singers, but I have trouble staying awake. We retire early.

Mom was so lucky to have a husband who enjoyed dancing. Oh how I wish I could dance the tango, the foxtrot, the cha cha, or the west coast swing with my husband. Getting out on the dance floor is the same as torture for him.

Rome, Italy

Tuesday October 6, 1992 Rome, Italy

I'm up at 5 a.m. to leave at 6:15 for our trip to Rome from our port of Naples. Naples is another crowded dirty city. We arrive in Rome about 9:30 a.m. We have one tour guide on the bus and another for Rome. She takes us through the Vatican Museum adjoining the Sistine Chapel. Michaelangelo spent 41 years painting the ceiling of the chapel. He was 81 when he finished his "Creation of the World." From there we went into St. Peters Church, the largest church in the world with 44 alters. It is gigantic and lovely.

It was pouring rain when we emerged. We boarded our bus and toured to lunch at a lovely restaurant. We ate late about 2:30. We had 2 pastas, then salad, then veal with potatoes and dessert plus wine. We toured from the bus (raining) the coliseum, the forum, drove old Appian Way, etc, etc.

Returned to our ship at 7 p.m. too full and too tired to eat dinner. Went to bed. Frank went to dinner.

That was one long day! I don't know why their cruise ship stopped in Naples, a 3-hour drive from Rome, when the Port of Civitavecchia is only an hour away. It looks like the port in Civitavecchia is very small and can only accomodate a few ships. It must have been full. Rome has so much to see, it is a shame that their tour had so much to jam into a few hours, and then the rain meant that had to view the sights through the rainy windows of the bus.

Rough Seas

Monday October 5, 1992

We have a light cereal breakfast. I feel great! We have a quiet day aboard ship except the seas are rough. After breakfast I don't feel so well even though I'm taking the seasick pills, so Frank goes to buy me the wrist bands for seasickness. They work great and I enjoy lunch. Hester and Emma are quite ill. Bob and June don't show up.

In the afternoon I play the horse racing and bingo. Frank takes a dance class to learn the Achy Breaky. We have a lovely dinner and great stage show and go to bed early (10 p.m.) as we must get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow for Rome.

The bands for nausea are a knitted elasticated wrist band, which operates by applying pressure on the Nei Kuan acupressure point on each wrist by means of a plastic stud. I tried those when I was sick with my pregnancy in 1992 for 9 months, and they didn't work for me at all. Nothing did. I'm glad Mom got relief. It would have been awful to spend all that money on a cruise only to be sick without relief.

It's a long way from Santorini, Greece to their next port in Naples, Italy, and the cruise ship had to travel in open seas to get around the boot of Italy. She doesn't say what the weather is like this day, but I read ahead in her journal and saw that they are about to get rain, so that might be why the seas are so rough.

Santorini, Greece

Sunday October 4, 1992 Santorini, Greece

We have breakfast top ship cafe. My stomach still feels fine except I am now constipated. At 10:30 we take the shuttle boat to the island. Once there we take a tram up the side of the mountain to the town of Thira where we wander around the shops and restaurants, stopping in one restaurant for a coke and a view.

At 1:00 we board a bus to Oia, a very small city, also built on top of a mountain. I have a sandwich there. We could have riden the donkeys instead of the cable car.

Back aboard ship, I nap and dress for semi-formal dinner. We stay up late dancing (12:30). The seas are rough. Thank goodness I have good seasick pills. Still taking the antibiotics.

According to Wikipedia, "Santorini is an island in the southern Aegean Sea, about 200 km (120 mi) southeast from Greece's mainland. It is the largest island of a small, circular archipelago which bears the same name and is the remnant of a volcanic caldera. The island is the site of one of the largest volcanic eruptions in recorded history: the Minoan eruption (sometimes called the Thera eruption), which occurred some 3600 years ago at the height of the Minoan civilization. The eruption left a large caldera surrounded by volcanic ash deposits hundreds of metres deep and may have led indirectly to the collapse of the Minoan civilization on the island of Crete, 110 km (68 mi) to the south, through a gigantic tsunami. Another popular theory holds that the Thera eruption is the source of the legend of Atlantis."

This sounds like a fascinating place to visit. The photographs of the white buildings built on the rim of the steep caldera make the cities and towns appear almost inaccessible, but with an incredible ocean view once atop the steep sides. Very picturesque!

Athens, Greece

Saturday October 3, 1992 Athens, Greece

A miracle! My stomach pain is gone, only tenderness remains. I'm up at 7 a.m. feeling like I did before we left home, just pain where the tumors are, not too bad. I can stand it.

At 9 a.m. we are off on a bus through Athens, Greece. It's very congested. The streets are narrow. The buildings are dingy from all the smog. It's about 78 degrees, a lovely day. We climb up to the Acropolis and see the Parthenon and all the ruins of temples erected to Athena. It's amazing to see so many buildings so close together below in the city.

We arrive back for lunch. I have soup and salad. That's OK. I had cereal and toast in our room this morning. I have my hair washed and set in the salon on the ship, write postcards, and take a nap.

After dinner and show we are on deck as we sail out at 11 p.m. I feel so much better!

I'm so glad Mom was feeling better this day. It sounds like eating small meals is the key. Also, the fact that she got so much sleep yesterday certainly helped.

I went on a 10-week tour of Europe the summer of 1974 after graduating from college. I loved the small islands of Greece and the turquoise blue water, but I do remember that Athens was very smoggy and crowded. I checked Wikipedia to see what the air pollution is like there today. "In the 1980s it became evident that smog from factories and an ever increasing fleet of automobiles, as well as a lack of adequate free space due to congestion, had evolved into the city's most important challenge. A series of anti-pollution measures taken by the city's authorities in the 1990s, combined with a substantial improvement of the city's infrastructure (including the Attiki Odos motorway, the expansion of the Athens Metro, and the new Athens International Airport), considerably alleviated pollution and transformed Athens into a much more functional city."

Katakolon, Greece

Friday October 2, 1992 Katakolon, Greece

Slept in til 8 a.m. Had 9 a.m. breakfast on the back of the ship. Ate too much. Terrible stomach pains again. Now I feel I want to sleep again. We are anchored out from the Greek island of Katakolan. It's a quiet little village and houses built right on the water. Looks like a high tide would flood them. We take the tender to the village where there are a few shops. It's a lovely day.

I don't feel well at all. We decide to cancel our 9-hour trip for tomorrow and change to a 5-hour trip. I must see the doctor to cancel. He gives me some antibiotics and sends me to bed, willingly. He says take the pain pills Dr. Schwartz gave me. I couldn't eat lunch or dinner today. I can hardly walk.

Doctor says I have a fever. Frank tells our table companions I have cancer at dinner while I'm in bed.

With all those tumors on her abdominal wall there must be tremendous pressure on her stomach. No wonder she can only eat small portions.

Katakolon is the gateway to Olympia, where the ancient Greeks flocked every four years for more than a millennium to celebrate the sacred games dedicated to Zeus. I would love to see that site some day. Too bad Mom wasn't up to the short ride to Olympia. Like I said earlier, both time I have been to Europe I spent the first week sick in bed from exhaustion and jet lag. Mom's immune system is already compromised from fighting cancer. No wonder she is sick. I think if I was ever to take a Mediterranean cruise, I would arrive in Europe a week early to adjust to the time zone.

At Sea

Thursday October 1, 1992 At Sea

Up early to have breakfast at 7:30 in the dining room. We both had waffles and ham. The ham was especially good. I'm having alot of stomach pain. I return to the cabin and lay down, sleeping off and on all morning.

We have lunch in the dining room with our table pals. After lunch we sit at the pool for awhile then check out the dance class. I watch Frank take a yoga class for awhile but feel so sleepy. I must return to the room where I sleep and try to watch a movie for an hour or so.

At 6:00 we are all dressed up for the captain's party where we have free drinks and snacks. I am careful to eat very little at dinner though the salmon is really good. We go to the Broadway show. I can barely stay awake. We go to the dance lounge until 12:30.

It sounds like a delayed reaction to the time zone change. Perhaps her body was running on adrenaline the first few days. I actually cannot believe she stayed up past midnight. Did she actually dance in the dance lounge?

Our Dinner Companions

Wednesday September 30, 1992

Our dinner table consists of 2 black couples, very cultured and educated. Fred is 67 and a retired executive from General Dynamics. He has travelled the world but lives in St. Louis, MO with his wife Erma 64.

John seems older as does wife Hester. They have travelled alot also. John worked in city government and is still doing volunteer work. Both couples are very nice and outgoing.

June and Bob are white and from Detroit, MI, about 65 & 67. They have travelled extensively in the 10 years they've been married. They have 9 children and 11 grandchildren. bob retired from a big ad agency in Detroit. One account was GM.

Fred and Erma have 7 kids, Bob and Hester only 2. All couples are very well off financially.

This is Mom's second entry dated September 30, which is very unusual. Perhaps she wrote it after retiring to their cabin or perhaps she was a little confused by losing one day on the flight. At any rate, Mom was always a people person. She got a tremendous amount of very detailed information from all 3 couples in just one dinner sitting. She was never shy and always showed interest in others.

The photo above is one of the few photos I have of Mom and Frank that I didn't take. I imagine that one of her dinner table companions took the photo. After Mom passed away Frank threw away thousands of photographs that Mom had meticulously cataloged over the years. She loved to take photos and always had a camera in her hand starting when she was a teenager with her Brownie camera.

$73 for a Gondola Ride?

Wednesday September 30, 1992 Venice, Italy

We slept in beautifully until 7:45. We needed that. Hurry up and get ready. They stop serving breakfast at 9:30. I feel good. We have a big breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes, bread, fruits, and juices.

At 10:30 we take the launch to Venice. We stay til 2:30 just wandering about. Everything is so expensive. We only buy a gondola ride for $73 and a gelato ice cream for $3. There are street vendors everywhere. It's a sunny day and warm. There were no street vendors when we were here in February 1987 (out of season). There were so many people this time.

We have high tea with desserts on the ship at 4:00. Could serve as lunch, did today. We watch a hot air balloon rise out of the city and later land in the city. Strange.

We dress casual for dinner. It's good. We go to Welcome Aboard show and to bed.

Looks like Mom and Frank are having no trouble adjusting to the time change from California. That is great news!

I cannot believe that in 1992 a gondola ride cost $73. Just for curiosity sake I checked to see what it costs today, 20 years later. A 35 minute gondola ride with others goes for $57 and a private gondola ride with serenade is $223. I don't know if Mom and Frank took a private gondola ride, but if so, the price sounds about right adjusted for inflation. I hope they didn't pay that much to go with a group!

Ugh! It sounds like a big tourist trap, even at the end of September, which would seem to be off-season.

Los Angeles, California to Venice, Italy

Monday September 28/29, 1992 "Long Day"

Up at 7 a.m. to get ready to leave at 9:15 for the fly-away where we catch the 10:00 bus for LAX. At LAX we have a 2 hour wait to fly out at 1 p.m. for Paris, France. The flight is almost 11 hours. They feed us too much too often. We try to sleep, but only rest. We arrive in Paris at 10:10 a.m. (8 hours ahead). At 11:40 we fly Alitalia Airline to Venice, Italy, almost 2 hours. They feed us again.

We're picked up by bus and wisked to our Star Princess cruise ship. Our room is large and lovely. The ship is huge. We nap for 3 hours.

At dinner we are seated with 3 couples in their 60s. They are all outgoing and friendly. Lovely dinner. We take the boat to see Venice at night. It is all lighted up and quite lovely. We retire about 11 exhausted.

I have kept Mom's passport all these many years. It was issued January 5, 1987 for the ski trip to Innsbruck, Austria that I took with Mom and Frank. Surprisingly, the passport does not show a stamp for Austria, but it does have a stamp dated February 15, 1987 when we arrived at Heathrow Airport in London for an extra excursion after our ski trip. The next stamp is dated February 20, 1987 when they returned to Los Angeles.

Page 2 of the passport shows a stamp for Gatwick Airport in London in April 1990 and Page 3 shows they arrived in Venice September 29, 1992, Barcelona on October 11, and back to Los Angeles on October 13. There are 18 blank pages after these entries that should have been filled with exciting ports-of-call visited during her golden years that were stolen from her. Mom loved to travel and I know she would have taken many more trips in the past 20 years.

It cracked me up when Mom complained about being fed too much and too often on their flights. 20 years later, all we get from the airlines is non-alcoholic beverages and a bag of nuts on a flight!

I have only flown to Europe twice in my lifetime, that trip to Austria in 1987 and a 10-week trip to 14 European countries in 1974 when I graduated from college. Both times the exhaustion and jet lag put me in bed sick the first week. Will Mom adjust to the major time zone change? I can't believe she stayed up til 11 p.m. this first night!

Packing for Our Mediterranean Cruise

Sunday September 27, 1992

Up at 8:00 but tired. The dogs have been barking alot at night lately. That really disrupts our sleep. We spend the day leisurely getting packed for our trip, preparing the house and yard for our absence and making phone calls. We retire about 10:30. Some pain today, mostly discomfort.

We have decided to go to Chris and Ric's with Gary and Maria for Thanksgiving. We'll go early so I can help Chris with the cooking, probably Tuesday or Wednesday.

No wonder Mom is tired. Besides the fact that she has cancer, she was up partying past midnight and then the dogs kept her up with their barking. Tomorrow she has a long day of traveling to Europe with a huge time zone change. I have only been to Europe twice, but I remember that I was sick for the first week of my trip both times due to exhaustion and jet lag.

Carol Can't Make It To Dinner

Saturday September 26, 1992

Lovely day getting ready for company tonight. Carol and Harry will come to dinner and then go square dancing with us. Carol calls to say she is ill and they probably won't make it tonight.

About 3:00 we go to Gary and Maria's party. There are about 30 adults and kids all in swimsuits. We stay about an hour. At 5:30 we eat the spaghetti Frank has made. Company is not coming.

I'm having some pains in my lower abdomen today, the first since Monday. At 7:15 we go square dancing. It's fast and hot but fun. Afterward we go to Bill and Sue's for a party. We get to sleep about 12:30 a.m.

The pace of Mom's social life sometimes wears me out just hearing about it. This is one of those days. Her friend since kindergarten Carol Peveler, now Mrs. Frank Reina, pictured above in a recent photo with Frank, can't make it to dinner, but they still make it to Gary and Maria's party, square dancing, and another party where they don't get home until after midnight. Burning the midnight oil can't do much to boost Mom's immunity, but she certainly is enjoying her last months. I know that soon her pain will increase, her energy will lag, and her health will deteriorate, and it will become harder and harder to read her journal.

Dad Might Not Make It Through Angioplasty

Friday September 25, 1992

Frank leaves at 8 a.m. to take his folks to Daniel Freeman Hospital for Dad's angiogram. I go have my nails done at 11:30. I took my walk at 8:00 a.m. I feel good. I slept well again last night.

At 3 p.m. I go to Montrose to pick up a confirmation on our hotel in Barcelona. Frank is home when I return. He is upset. The doctor could not say Dad would make it through an angioplasty. So they all agreed to do nothing right now though Dad's artery is nearly blocked. He's not a candidate for bypass because of his age.

We go to a square dance at 8 p.m. I have so much energy. I'm really bouncing tonight. Haven't felt this good in ages.

Thank goodness for the internet most of us have in our homes now. Mom had to drive 36 miles to Montrose to pick up a piece of paper confirming their hotel reservation, while today we simply click on the icon that says "Print" and our reservation confirmation is at our fingertips within seconds.

Frank's Dad John was in his 80s when it was decided not to perform angioplasty due to his age. He did outlive Mom, but not by much. He died of a heart attack within a few weeks of Mom's death in 1993. Frank's Mom Florence went into the hospital for a fairly routine surgical procedure several years later and died while under anesthesia.

Cousin Shirley Is Arrested

Thursday September 24, 1992

I slept like a baby. I feel great today. Frank is at class so I walk alone in the morning. After dinner we go see Gary & Maria.

I receive a call from Raymond, a young man who lives with Shirley. He tells me Shirley is in confinement. She was arrested for drunk driving. She'll get out in December. She's been there 2 weeks and wants me to write. Raymond says he loves Shirley and wants to marry her. Raymond is about 25.

We call Paul, Phil and Dolores today to ask them to call their grandfather before his surgery tomrrow.

Wow, I knew Cousin Shirley, pictured above on the left with her family, was an alcoholic, but I never knew she spent time in jail. This obviously was not her first offense for drunk driving if she was given a 3-month sentence. It must have been horrible for her! But not so horrible that she would give up alcohol. She got drunk the night of Mom's funeral and when we went to breakfast the next morning, she was a mess. Her disease killed her a year after Mom passed away. So sad, she was even younger than Mom, maybe 50. Her boyfriend is only 25? Very strange. Maybe they are drinking buddies.

Angiogram

Wednesday September 23, 1992

Had another bad night of pain. After hours of not sleeping well I prayed to God to relieve my pain so I could sleep. I rolled to my stomach and found it didn't hurt so much that way and went right to sleep. I try to sleep in but don't really sleep from 7 to 9:30 when I finally get up. I feel pretty good once I'm dressed and made up.

About 1 p.m. we go to the bank to get our travelers checks. Frank calls his mom. Dad is scheduled for angiogram on Friday morning and possible angioplasty. We are worried about this just before we leave on our trip but agree it must be done now.

We go to learn round dancing with our friends. It's fun. I think we'll like it. I feel great today.

From Wikipedia, "Angiography or arteriography is a medical imaging technique used to visualize the inside, or lumen, of blood vessels and organs of the body, with particular interest in the arteries, veins and the heart chambers. This is traditionally done by injecting a radio-opaque contrast agent into the blood vessel and imaging using X-ray based techniques such as fluoroscopy."

From rounddancing.net, "Round Dancing is a form of social ballroom dancing in which the steps are choreographed precisely to the music, and those steps are announced by a "cuer," as we dance. The presence of the cuer makes a round dance look different than the usual ballroom dance — all the couples are dancing in unison and the choreography can be relatively complex and interesting (since the man doesn't have to think it up as he goes) — but otherwise round dancers are ballroom dancing. We hold our partners in the normal way. We take the same kinds of steps. The rhythms are the familiar rhythms — waltz, foxtrot, cha-cha, rumba, and others."

This sounds quite a bit different from square dancing. Kind of like "Dancing With The Stars." I think I would enjoy this more than square dancing since I don't care for country western music.

Doubt

Tuesday September 22, 1992

I had much less pain last night and slept well. Frank has walked to his carving class so I take a walk alone.

Dr. Schwartz calls me back. I ask for some pain medicine. He is disappointed to hear I have not started my new treatment yet and upset that I am having pain. I now doubt that we made a wise decision to wait until after the trip. I pray to God that we have made a good decision.

We go visit Gene and Cathy at 6 p.m. Allison and Patrick are there so we have a nice visit. We see Guy & Lisa also. We're home at 9:30. I call Donna and we talk until 11 p.m. It's a good visit. We agree to go camping for Thanksgiving weekend.

See my post dated September 2, 2012 and her entry for September 9, 1992. That was the date that she made the fatal decision to postpone chemotherapy until after her Mediterranean cruise. I was furious with her. Looking back to her entry for that date, nowhere does she say that she prayed and asked God for wisdom and direction with this very important decision, yet this day 2 weeks later she is praying to God that she made a good decision after the fact. Proverbs 12:15 says, "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others." Perhaps Dr. Senrad might have thought it was OK to wait, but clearly her long-time Dr. Schwartz who knew her best was very disappointed that she had not started her chemotherapy. She should have gotten a second opinion. Proverbs 15:22 says, "Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success." It is still 6 days before her trip to the Mediterranean, plenty of time to cancel. Did she think of buying travellers insurance? Surely she must have considering her health.

Guy Thomas is Uncle Gene and Aunt Cathy's youngest son. He is shown in the photo below next to Frank in the upper left corner and his wife Lisa kneels in front of Frank. Guy is holding his children Allison and Patrick.

Abdomenal Tumors

Monday September 21, 1992

I had alot of pain in bed last night, probably from eating too much too late. It seemed I could find no comfortable position to lay. All the pain is in the lower abdomen where the tumors are. The cancer on my abdomen wall gives me a full or uncomfortable feeling.

I drive Maria to the doctor in Panorama City. We have a nice visit.

At home I do the laundry and feel pretty good today.

We go square dancing at 7:30. I feel a bit tired and edgy so come home early at 9 p.m. We watch TV.

Frank went to Guardian today and bought a frame for mother's toilet to help her get up and down. Also a grab bar for her shower. Gene will go next weekend to install them.

I admire a man who is a good handyman, like my Uncle Gene, like Frank, and like my husband Ric. I am not handy at all. When I talked to my Aunt Cathy this weekend she told me how Uncle Gene always has a project around the house that he's working on. That keeps him active, both physically and mentally, and keeps him healthy.

It's no wonder Mom has difficulty getting comfortable at night with all those tumors on her abdomenal wall. One of the classic signs of ovarian cancer is feeling full and bloated.

Dinner At Tony Roma's

Sunday September 20, 1992

Up at 8:00. We stayed up late watching Miss America contest on TV. We take our walk, then eat breakfast. The walk makes me really tired and yucky for awhile. After breakfast Frank helps me with a home perm. Cathy Thomas calls. They will come over about 4 p.m. today. We'll go out to dinner. We hurry to get the house in order.

The tenants from Newbury Park come over to tell us they are moving out October 1. Good news cause they're behind in rent. Bad news cause we have to deal with renting it.

Gene and Cathy arrive at 5:00. We have a nice visit on the patio to enjoy our lovely yard. At 7:00 we go to dinner at Tony Roma's. We have a leisurely dinner and return home about 10.

Tony Roma's, I haven't been there for years. They are known for their baby back ribs. Uncle Gene is Mom's brother. He and Cathy have lived in Pasadena for many years. I'm so glad that Mom stayed close with her brother Gene and Aunt Cathy during her battle with cancer. They are very special people. Aunt Cathy took on the role of mother to me after Mom passed away. They are in their mid 80s now, but still in pretty good health.

I was surprised that Mom wanted to have a home perm right after she complained about feeling yucky. Smelling that horrible ammonia smell of permanent solution makes me feel yucky just thinking about it. I can't help wondering if getting a permanent every 6 weeks for most of her life contributed to Mom's cancer. Lots of nasty chemicals in that solution!

I know how Mom feels about her tenants giving notice. We have a tenant who is constantly a month behind in their rent, but they do pay every month. They are very nice people and take good care of the house, so we hate to evict them because that will mean lots of work for us, and possibly tenants who are not as good as the ones we already have.

Home Town Parade

Up at 7 a.m. I drop off Frank at Erringer and Los Angeles Streets where the parade will begin at 9 a.m. He will walk along with our square dancer friends. They will dance. He will hand out flyers inviting people to join us square dancing on Monday nights.

I drive down to Sinaloa Street where the judging stand and announcer is, near the end of the parade, and find a nice shady spot for my chair next to the curb. Gary, Maria and the boys join me. It's 10 a.m. before the parade reaches us. It's 11:00 before Frank comes by. It's a fine home town type parade. Afterward we all go to the park and eat lunch.

In the evening we go to Verna and Bob's for a potluck and 24 of us play Hand and Foot (card game) at 6 tables until 10:30. It's great fun.

I feel great today!!!

Wow, a 3 exclamation point day! Don't see too many of those. Mom loved a parade. And she still had the energy to go to a party until 10:30 at night afterward. I searched the web for information on their square dancing club and found the video above was taken at the Simi Valley Parade in 2006. The Boots and Slippers Square Dance Club has been around since 1959. I am contacting their president to see if any of the current members were there in 1992 and to let him know how much I appreciate their members who were so helpful to Mom and gave her such joy those last few years. It was the members of this club who stepped up and prepared all the food for the reception after Mom's funeral.

Feeling Better Today

Friday September 18, 1992

Feeling better today. We take a walk and settle into a quiet day. I do some sewing and some typing, some light housework and some reading. Frank keeps busy in the garage and yard as usual.

About 7:30 we go visit Gary and Maria. We stay late (11 pm). It's a good visit. We watch some TV.

I admire Frank for keeping busy with projects around the house. I talked to my Aunt Cathy a couple of days ago, and she told me that Uncle Gene (Mom's brother) stays active by always having a project going in the yard or the house. It keeps both his mind and body healthy. He just turned 84 years old this month.

Back Exercises

Thursday September 17, 1992

Frank has walked to his carving class so I say my prayers, do visualization and back exercises, then take off for my 20 minute walk. It takes me awhile to get cleaned up. The weather has warmed up and I'm over-reacting to the heat. It's so hard to put on makeup when the sweat keeps running off it. And hard to curl my hair when it's wet with sweat. After lunch I go shopping for clothes to wear to dinner on the cruise.

We go out to dinner at Vistas at the Radisson Hotel. It's nice. I have alot of tumor pain this evening.

According to Wikipedia: "In the U.S., acute low back pain is the fifth most common reason for physician visits. About nine out of ten adults experience back pain at some point in their life, and five out of ten working adults have back pain every year." I remember Mom teaching me some stretching exercises in the tent while we were camping at Lake Don Pedro. I was only in my 30s then and had not yet experienced back pain. Over the last decade however, I have experienced more than my share, especially after suffering from a herniated disc in 2008, followed by back surgery. I have done some of the exercises Mom showed me as well as some given to me by physical therapists over the years, several from the examples shown above. For the last 4 years since my back surgery I get the most relief from back pain by taking aqua aerobics 4X/week.

Ugh! All that sweating sounds miserable. Maybe the reason she's sweating is because she's using a hot curling iron around her face! What women go through to be attractive!

I Feel Light-Headed Today

Wednesday September 16, 1992

Frank gets up at 7:30. I get up at 8:00, dress and off we go to breakfast at Eggs & Things. I feel light-headed. When we get home I lay down for an hour. I feel better and get cleaned up. It's noon when I come down.

I give Frank a perm. I feel fine now. I took Tylenol on an empty stomach this morning when I got up. Maybe that's what made me light-headed.

We skip lunch. I'm worried about feeling good on our cruise. We have alot of money tied up in excursions in each port. I have to feel good almost every day at 6:30 a.m.

We have a light dinner and a quiet evening.

I usually feel nauseous whenever I take pills on an empty stomach, but never light-headed. Giving Frank a perm would definitely make my stomach queasy. The ammonia smell is horrible. Mom always gave Frank a perm every couple of months, and she taught him how to give her one as well. She loved to give me perms even when I was a toddler. I have always had baby-fine hair that is stick-straight. The perms gave me a nice curl and some body, but Mom was not gentle when she gave a perm. She always pulled too hard. I imagine that is part of the reason that Frank is now bald!

A Visit With Paul, Judy & Tayler

Tuesday September 15, 1992

Frank left for carving class at 8 a.m. I arose at 8:15. I dressed and took off for my walk. when I returned I had breakfast and got cleaned up.

Judy called and invited us for dinner. Paul will make spaghetti. I called Debby. We will all go to see her and the kids at 3 p.m. Phil will be at work.

I feel real good today. We arrive at Paul and Judy's at 2:30. Tayler is sleeping still at 3:30 so Frank and I go alone to see Deb, Joey and Sara. As usual Sara is overjoyed to see us. Joey looks thin in the face, especially his teeth seem too large for his face. We visit for an hour or so then return to Paul and Judy's where Paul has made us a spaghetti dinner. Tayler is so tiny but not thin. We stay til 8:30. I have felt wonderful all day.

Paul is Frank's son who lives in Palmdale, about a one-hour drive from Simi Valley. Paul drives more than an hour each way to his job for the Los Angeles Dept of Water and Power. Paul and his lovely wife Judy made a great couple, but sadly have since divorced. I have no photos of their daughter Tayler as an infant, but I did find this one that was taken 8 years later of Paul, Judy, Tayler and their son Nick. Frank's other son Phillip is also divorced from his ex-wife Debby.

Thank God for Computers!

Monday September 14, 1992

Up and off to get my nails done at 10:45. I brought home chili dogs for lunch. I worked on the laundry and did some typing. I tried to finish my memories of Arkansas. I wrote it 3 years ago and want to type it but my typewriter broke down again.

At 7:30 we went square dancing. This is the first night of the new class. We have a good time seeing friends. After dancing til 9:30 we go to Hudson's Grill with 25 friends til 11:00.

Sleeping very well. Trying to do visualization at least once a day. I relax and go inside my belly. I paint all the cancer and tumors with a big paint brush dipped in potent medicine that shrinks and kills cancer.

Mom's journal and all her letters that I saved are handwritten. I know that computers were around in 1992, but not near as common or easy to use as they are today. I can just imagine Mom struggling with an old typewriter like the one pictured above. Thank God typewriters have been replaced by computers, where you can type quickly, easily make corrections, print and save electronically. Not only that, but with a web-based program like this one, it is there for all the world to see years in the future. Too bad I never came across her memories of Arkansas. I'm sure she put alot of work into it as she did with her journals.

Boating With Baby Derek

Sunday September 13, 1992

Feeling tired and run down most of the day. I'm still walking 1 mile each morning. I can feel the difference in my body already.

I call Gary. He's feeling better but weak. I call Chris. They went boating yesterday. The baby loved it. He is sleeping all night 8-6a.m. He's 8 weeks old now.

We have an average day. Frank is always so busy. He's doing some brick work in the back yard now.

Joan called. We had a good visit. She's feeling pretty well except for a couple of days each month due to Kemo.

Wow, I am amazed that Mom can feel a difference in her body after walking a mile for 3 days!

The photo above is taken in the summer of 1990 at Lake Sonoma. It is our 1986 Beachcraft that we bought early in 1990. We used the heck out of that boat, exploring different lakes all over California every almost weekend that year and the next. This was probably our first outing in the boat in 1992 due to my pregnancy and new baby. But now Derek is 8 weeks old and we are out on the lake. As I recall the noise of the engine put him right to sleep. We took the boat out on Lake Powell in July 1993 and hit a rock that was lurking just under the surface of the water near Bullfrog Marina. That was scary! I was afraid I would have to swim to shore with a one-year-old baby. Fortunately, shore was only 1/4 mile away and we managed to limp there with the broken boat and spend the night on the shoreline. We replaced that boat with a 1990 Reinell that is very similar to the Beachcraft except that it has an open bow. The Reinell still sits in our driveway, but after almost 20 years has never been used as much as that Beachcraft was. This year Ric finally towed the old Beachcraft to the dump. It felt a little sad because of all the good memories that boat held.

On The Phone

Saturday September 12, 1992

Up at 8:30, breakfast and a one-mile walk at 9 a.m. Don't feel too well today. Crawled back into bed at 10:30 with chills and slept 1 hour more.

Cathy Thomas called to invite us to dinner for Lisa's birthday. Verna called to invite us to potluck and card game next Saturday night. Phil returned Frank's call while he was gone. Called Mom. So wasn't cleaned up til 2:15. Feeling some better. Called Maria. Gary's sick in bed with stomach flu.

At 7:30 we go square dancing. It's an ice cream social and Happy Squares. We have a great time. I feel good and do well.

Mom loved to talk. We would talk about once per week and be on the phone for 2 hours or more. So even though we lived 400 miles apart, we were still very close. I am starting to realize that it wasn't just me that Mom would be on the phone with for hours! Her social life was very busy.