I Worry About Chris & Ric

Monday October 19, 1992

At 7 a.m. I cuddle up with Frank. We've had enough sleep. We talk awhile. It must be terrible for him lately. I haven't been much of a wife or even companion to him lately. Certainly not much help or support at the Newbury Park house. I will try hard to make it to square dancing tonight. I must do the 10 loads of wash from our trip and linens but will try to rest in between. He needs and deserves a social life and we have so many friends there, many who really care.

I spend alot of time worrying about Chris & Ric. I worry that they are in too deep financially and I worry about Chris' health at 40 with a new baby to raise until she's 60 years old. I know how hard it would be for me to have an 18-year-old. And Ric is almost incapacitated with his bad back and no help to Chris.

We go square dancing. I feel pretty good but only dance 2 tips. Frank dances with Charlie. It's so good to see all our friends after so long on our trip. Thank you God for giving me the energy to go tonight. We even go to Hudson's afterward. I have a malt because I don't know what time I'll get to eat again. I cannot eat after midnight until after my surgery tomorrow.

Did it ever occur to Frank that he could go square dancing without Mom? I don't think so, he was so completely devoted to her. I seriously doubt that he felt like Mom was not a good wife or companion, and I doubt he ever complained to her.

I am surprised to hear that Mom worried about our finances. Our life never involved frequent meals out in restaurants or cruises and excursions like hers did, but we have never struggled to pay our bills and I have always had good credit. So many people are going hungry right now (1 out of 6 I heard on the news recently) and many are unemployed and homeless, that I feel blessed to have had a 33-year career with a good company, good benefits and a comfortable retirement.

Mom was right about the difficulties of raising teenagers as a 60-year-old. In April 2013 I will be 60 and my boys will be 18 and 21. My son Derek, pictured above when he was 6 months old in 1992, expressed to me last night that he will probably live with us for at least another 10 years because by then we will be the ones needing care. Ric is asleep every night by 9:00 and I can't stay awake past 11, which means our boys are usually up later than we are. Thank God they have not given us any grief. Ric's back has only gotten worse after 20 years and now he struggles with controlling his blood sugar after developing diabetes, high cholesterol, and deteriorated cartilage in his knee that makes it difficult for him to walk. I had a herniated disk in my lower back in 2008, sciatica, and most recently several episodes of vertigo and a dislocated jaw. I had no health issues until I was in my 50s. So yes, having children late in life is difficult, and probably puts an undue burden of worry on them. Derek has a sign on his bedroom wall listing his priorities for his life:
1. $$$ (getting a good education and a good job)
2. Dad's health (he doesn't have much control over this)
3. Airsoft Empire (his hobby and passion)