Searching for a House for Gary

Friday January 24, 1992

Must stay home and take care of business today. Must work on our living trusts. Frank truly has my cold now. I'm still coughing up stuff often and constantly blowing my nose but I feel pretty good.

We go to look at a couple of houses for Gary to buy, but spend most of the day in nursing our colds.

Frank's still walking 4 miles in spite of his cold.

My brother Gary and his girlfriend Maria were currently living in Granada Hills just east of Simi. Simi Valley is a nice suburban area with less congestion and less smog than the valley. Mom was encouraging my brother to make the move even though it would mean a longer commute for him to work. She thought Simi would be a better community to raise a family, and of course, it would be nice to have him closeby.

Gab Fest at Denny's

Thursday January 23, 1992

Up at 6:30 a.m. to get ready for breakfast out. Susan and Penny from the neighborhood have asked to take me out for breakfast. Joan Orr joins us at Denny's for breakfast. We have a great "gab-fest" for 3-1/2 hours. We really enjoy it and plan to do it again real soon. These are lovely Christian women in their late 30s. I try very hard to be a good and caring friend and neighbor to all 18 of our neighbors.

I feel good enough to go shopping at May Co. I'm gone from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m. shopping. I'm tired when I get home but I had a good time.

We go out for Japanese dinner. Frank has my cold now.

I just went out to breakfast at Denny's with my Christian friend Teresa a few weeks ago. It was fun. Our breakfast was only 2 hours though, not 3-1/2! Their breakfast deal is cheap and surprisingly good, my first time at Denny's since I was a teenager.

Mom was very good friends with her neighbors on the cul-de-sac. She organized neighborhood parties every year.

Kemo #5

Wednesday January 22, 1992

I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm sure I'll be OK to go to the doctor and have kemo. We are at Kaiser from 11 to 1:30. Dr. Schwartz doesn't think I should worry about the bleeding. He doesn't think my aching teeth are related to kemo. After kemo we go to lunch at Bob's for hamburgers, salad and fries.

At home in the evening we snack on popcorn instead of dinner. My cough is still heavy and full of phlegm.

Aching teeth? Maybe that's related to her cold, although I have never had that symptom. It seems to me that every time Mom has kemo, they go out to lunch afterwards. I guess it can't be too bad!

I'm Ready To Hit the Couch

Tuesday January 21, 1992

I'm up and doing laundry and then get ready for my nail appointment at 11 a.m. I'm still coughing terribly and now my nose is running heavily. I feel terrible. Sitting for an hour for my nails is very difficult. By the time I get home I'm ready to hit the couch for the rest of the day.

There's no way I can go Country Western dancing tonight. I'm trying hard not to give this cold to Frank.

Yes, it must have been hard to hold her hand still while the manicurist applied polish and Mom was coughing her head off! If I were the manicurist I would be worried about catching her cold.

Vaginal Bleeding & Pains

Monday January 20, 1992

Awake at 7:15. I decide to stay in bed all morning to rest my awful cough. Frank makes me a nice omelette breakfast. I arise at 1 p.m. to get ready for a 3:15 doctor appointment. The doctor says I have a virus and prescribes an antibiotic to prevent my going into pneumonia due to my weak immune system from kemo.

I decide square dancing would not be a good idea tonight so I get cuddly in my sweats and settle in for a restful evening.

I have vaginal bleeding in the morning. It leaves a spot dime-size on my panties. I'm also having pains where my ovaries once were for a few days now.

Wow, Mom finally decides to take a night off! Cuddling up with a good book in front of a warm fire or soaking in a warm tub sounds like my idea of a great evening! Having vaginal bleeding when there is no more uterus cannot be a good sign. She doesn't seem concerned. In fact, this last paragraph was obviously added the next day with a different pen, almost like she forgot about it, and then remembered later to write it down. Keeping the journal is a good way for her to keep track of her symptoms.

I Have a Terrible Cough

Sunday January 19, 1992

Up early. We must check out at 12:00. We visit a bit and pull out about noon and arrive home about 2 p.m. I have a terrible cough today so decline a last group walk to the beach in the morning. We also decline to stop for lunch with the group in Camarillo because we are going to a potluck tonight at Turners.

Once home I hurry to make an El Dorado casserole for tonight, then lay down to rest. My chest and back hurt.

We arrive at the Turners with Robbie and Delores about 6 p.m. There are 12 of us from our square dance club. The food is great! Everyone but me square dances to records and tapes. I enjoy watching, feeling too punk from my cough to participate.

No chance here of Mom turning down a social engagement, even when she's feeling "punk".

I Breathe In Too Much Smoke

Saturday January 18, 1992

Slept very well, warm and cozy but awoke with a tightness in my chest and a worse cough, maybe from breathing in too much smoke at the campfire last night.

We shower in our trailer and join our friends for horseshoes about 9:30. Later we take a walk for an hour or so. I do fine even on the uphills. After lunch we all go for a bike ride to the oceanside campground. We are in the canyon. The downhill is fun but there is no joy in the uphill. I end up walking alot. My heart is pounding and I'm soaking wet. My breathing is labored. Not good for my bad congested chest, but I'm proud that I did it.

At night we have a potluck and a big bonfire and lots of laughs. I breathe in too much smoke!

Too bad they were camping back in the canyon. One of the reasons I have always wanted to camp at El Capitan is the beautiful ocean view with palm trees. I suppose it's very hard to get reservations there since California State Parks are booked up almost a year in advance. It sounds like a good time with friends. For mom, who was used to camping in a tent on the ground, I'm sure it felt like pure luxury.

El Capitan State Park

Friday January 17, 1992

We arise early. I'm in the shower at 6:30. We go out to breakfast and start packing the trailer when we return. By 12:15 we're on our way to El Capitan campground above Santa Barbara. We arrive at 2:15. One RV is there already: Joan and Payton. Frank parks the trailer without too much trouble.

This is a nice campground. Others begin to arrive about 6 p.m. until there are 8 of us. We have a big fire and lots of good conversation. We go to bed with our electric blanket and the forced air heat set at 60 degrees about 11 p.m.

Mom doesn't say so in this post, but I believe this group of campers is from their square dance club. They had lots of social outings with that group, including camping trips. El Capitan Campground is on the ocean side of Highway 101 and has lots of palm trees. It is easily seen from the Pacific Coast Highway. An underpass goes to the inland side of the freeway, where there is another section of campsites. They certainly took a chance planning a camping trip in January! At least they had a nice trailer to retreat to if it started to rain!

First Trip in the New Fifth Wheel

Thursday January 16, 1992

Up and at 'em. Frank goes to the valley on business and I go to market and shopping. He spends the afternoon in the garage and I get ready for our weekend trip in the trailer. We are excited about finally going somewhere in it. We have a great dinner and relax at home.

I talk to Marc Ray. He says Shirley (his mom) is about to go in for detox. That's really good news!

I'm so glad that Mom was able to retire early from her job as a purchasing agent for a medical supply company. Shortly after she retired, she and Frank bought a fifth wheel so they could travel more. When I retired in 2007 my husband and I bought a fifth wheel within a month as well. That was when we had a line of credit and before the real estate bubble burst. Now I understand why Mom's entry for January 14 talks about refinancing one of her rental houses. They were using the money to pay off the trailer. They probably had a very high interest rate to finance the purchase of the trailer, so they were pulling money out of the house to pay off the trailer and another mortgage. It sounds like this weekend would be their maiden voyage with the trailer.

More Investment Decisions

Wednesday January 15, 1992

Lazy morning but I don't feel so tired or down. We sit down and try to make some business decisions on investments.

We go to the movies in the afternoon to see Warren Beatty in Bugsy. We have a quiet evening at home.

I'm having some pains in my lower abdomen. That's new. My tendonitis in my right wrist is no better. Two weeks wearing a brace.

Nothing like a cancer diagnosis to spur the patient to start their estate planning. Mom and Frank are having a living trust prepared, refinancing real estatement investments, and talking about other investments.

Refinancing Real Estate

Tuesday January 14, 1992

We're up but both feeling tired and run down all day. At 10 a.m. we meet John of Aras Mortgage in Reseda to refinance Gledhill and pay off Lemona and SanWa Bank (trailer) That goes well. We go to Van Nuys, have car washed and eat a Tommy's hamburger. Finally home after some shopping we relax, have dinner and leave for 7 p.m. class in North Hollywood for country western dancing. It's fun. Afterward we all go to Baker Square for dessert.

I'm desperate to lose 40 pounds, but keep giving in to temptation. No will power. I hate the way I look. I really need to lose alot before our cruise April 5 to Carribean.

Being more overweight than Mom, I'm not the best person to judge her eating habits, but I know for myself, eating out always causes me to consume more calories in general than eating at home. As I have said in earlier posts, I notice that Mom and Frank eat out on average two times per day, so besides the added expense, they are probably consuming more calories than they would eating at home. Frank has never had a weight problem at all, but Mom (and I) battled her weight since her 30s. I'm sure they are burning calories on the nights they go square dancing, but then they put them right back on when they go to Hudson's Grill, or some other restaurant, afterwards with their friends.

Interesting that this night they went country western dancing instead of square dancing. As far as I know this is the first time they have tried country western.

I'm not sure why Mom wanted to refinance the mortgages on her two rental houses. Perhaps is was some kind of estate planning. Perhaps she thought interest rates were down and it was a good time. As you can see from the interest rate chart above, mortgage interest rates in 1992 were just above 8%. Since this was a rental house, she may have gotten a mortgage rate around 8.5% Since Mom did not have a crystal ball, she didn't know that interest rates would continue to drop from the high rates of the early 1980s.

I'm Feeling More Vulnerable

Monday January 13, 1992

We're a little tired and depressed today, probably from the movie. Frank walks to the shopping center and buys two magazines with articles about ovarian cancer which we read. I guess I'm feeling more vulnerable than usual today with such bad news about ovarian cancer. We go to lunch at Carl's Jr.

After dinner we attend a general meeting of our club before the class dance. We are elected to Sheriff and we volunteer to a couple of other jobs. Now we must attend board meetings every month.

We dance two hours with the class and come home.

Mom knew her prognosis was poor from the moment she was diagnosed. I remember her telling me her chances of surviving 5 years was 15%. She rejected those statistics for herself though, believing in prayer and the power of a positive attitude. This is the first time I have seen doubt creep into her journal. Even today, 20 years later, the death rate from ovarian cancer is very high. Great strides have been made in lowering the death rate in breast cancer because of better screening and early detection. With ovarian cancer, there is no screening for early detection and there are no symptoms early in the disease. Most ovarian cancers are discovered after the cancer has metastasized to other parts of the body, as was the case with Mom.

Why Spoil a Nice Day?

Sunday January 12, 1992

Hard to get out of bed today. All my joints ache. Maybe two nights of dancing in a row are too much. We eat breakfast at IHOP.

We decide not to dance today 2-5 p.m. I suggest we go to Palmdale to see Paul, Judy and Taylor. I call Gary to see if he and Maria want to go too. They have never seen their house. Today is Junior's birthday so they have company coming.

We have a great visit with Paul and Judy for a couple of hours. We then go to see Roz and Richard. We stay a couple of hours talking about my cancer and her great weight loss.

We stop to see Joey and Sara for an hour or so before we head home. It's a good visit. Deb and Phil are at church.

We eat great Chinese food in Palmdale before we head home. What a nice day!

At 9 p.m. we watch a movie. The woman has ovarian cancer and dies a terrible death.

Yikes, didn't Mom and Frank know what this movie was about before they rented it or watched on TV? How depressing!

Alcohol Has Ruined Cousin Shirley's Life

Saturday January 11, 1992

Up late, messing around, the day gets away from me. I experience chest pain on the left side under my breast. It persists for 15 minutes. I walk down and up the stairs and it comes back. I'm worried but not ready for another hospital experience, thank you. I forgot to try the glycerin the doctor gave me. Next time. By the time I'm dressed and cleaned up, I have no more pain.

I hear from Marc Ray. He has bad news. Cousin Shirley has lost her driver's license for not showing up for an AA class. She's been drunk for several days and Marc can't reason with her. She wants to die. I try to console him but we both know there is little we can do. She admits that alcohol has ruined her life. I feel so bad for her.

We go square dancing with friends. Turners drive us.

Mom's cousin Shirley lived outside Sacramento in Citrus Heights. Her son Marc lived nearby in Roseville. Mom told me that Shirley would often call her late at night in a drunken stupor. She complained that her life was hard. I don't know who her father was, but her mother Ila was the sister of Mom's father Gerald. Shirley is shown on the left in the photo above; Aunt Ila is in the middle. Shirley's son Ray is in the back with his wife and two girls. How awful that must have been for him to see his mother kill herself with alcohol. His father had already died of alcoholism many years earlier. Shirley's sister Norma committed suicide in her 30s. Perhaps Shirley's father was an alcoholic too, as was Mom's father Gerald. Mom would patiently listen while Shirley complained about her life, and then she would encourage her to get help for her alcoholism. Shirley made a few attempts, but never conquered her disease. After Mom passed away Shirley drank herself to death soon after, just as her husband had years before. So sad!

The Living Trust

Friday January 10, 1992

I try to sleep in a little but a telephone call wakes me. It's Kathy Murphy. She tells me about Echo, her daughter who's expecting her first child and her hubby is in the Army in So. Carolina. She doesn't have anywhere to go when the baby comes. Kathy tells her she cannot come home, though they have room. Echo decides to move to So. Carolina to be with her hubby. Kathy disagrees and says she should find a room in a home here. I think Kathy is heartless. How can she continue to treat her first-born this way. Our kids are always welcome.

I feel fine today. Frank is still disturbed about the living trust. We talk. I assure him I want him to have all my estate if he needs it, but I want what's left to go to my kids. I don't want his new wife to get one penny of mine.

We go square dancing, plus level in the valley and have a good time. We do pretty good considering how little "plus" dancing we've done since June.

I am assuming that "plus" dancing is a more advanced group of square dancers.

We went camping with the Murphy family 3 times every summer for several years. Echo loved babies. When Justin was a baby, on his first camping trip to Lake Don Pedro he was 7 weeks old. Echo wanted to hold him for hours on end. She was pregnant in 1992 just as I was with Derek. Considering how Mom always wanted to spend as much time with her grandson as possible, she must have been shocked that her good friend Kathy Murphy preferred to have her daughter and first grandchild living across the country in South Carolina where she had no family, than to take her into their home.

As for the living trust, I still don't understand what Mom means here. Is she saying that Frank gets everything, but when he dies, her estate will pass to her children? Frank's still going strong 20 years later, so I'm glad he passed her 3 rental houses on to my brother Gary and I. I'm kind of amused that Mom says she doesn't want Frank's new wife to get one penny. I wonder if she would feel that way if she knew that Frank ended up married her friend since second grade Carol Ziegler!

It's A Boy

Thursday January 9, 1992

Chris called last night to tell us the tests say the baby is fine and is a boy. She and I are disappointed but Ric is pleased. She's still sick and throwing up after 3-1/2 months.

I awake at 5 a.m. sick and vomiting. I guess it's from kemo yesterday. I throw up every 45 minutes until 11 a.m. I have to hurry and get cleaned up for the 1:00 appointment we have for our living trust.

Mr. Robert Otis arrives in a new black Rolls Royce. He is very nice. He explains it all to us and we tell him what we want. It's clear to me. I want Frank to enjoy whatever I leave but what's left will go to Chris and Gary and same goes for visa versa.

Frank wakes me in the night. He thinks I'm leaving everything to the kids and is upset. We talk it out. He goes to sleep. I lay awake for 2 hours.

Early genetic testing was done on the fetus because of my age. I would be 39 years old when the baby came. I was disappointed not to be having a girl this time. My first husband John got the boy he wanted, and now my second husband Ric was getting the boy he wanted. I wanted a daughter so I could have a relationship like I did with Mom with my own daughter. I tried one more time in 1995 to have a daughter. By then I was 42 years old and it was my last shot. My third son was born May 2, 1995. I never did get a daughter. My husband worries so much about his boys, he always says it's a good thing he didn't have any girls, as that would be so much more worrisome.

As I type this, it's ironic that Mom and I are both puking. Maybe part of the reason I was so sick was anxiety over Mom's cancer and her chemotherapy. Obviously, Mom is hanging in there in order to meet her next grandchild. 6 months to go until baby Derek is to be born.

So Attorney Robert Otis drives up in his new Rolls Royce! I would have run quickly the other direction. I don't know how much he charged Mom and Frank for preparing the living trust, but after Mom passed away, he charged my brother and I several thousand dollars to "execute" it. Not only that, but he took his sweet time. With my share of the inheritance I bought a condo at Lake Tahoe as an investment. It did not close escrow until more than a year after her death. You would think a year would be plenty of time for this rich lawyer to process the paperwork. No, it took him more than 18 months! Every time I spoke with him on the phone, he was an arrogant ass who acted like he couldn't give me the time of day. He probably charged me $100 for every 5 minute phone call! He had to pay for that brand new Rolls Royce!

I'm not sure what Mom means when she says that she wants Frank to enjoy everything she leaves and Gary and I would get whatever is left over. No wonder Frank was confused. As it turned out, Frank got their house in Simi Valley, and he was the executor of the trust which managed Mom's 3 rental houses after she died. Within a few months, Frank stepped down as executor and gave the 3 houses to Gary and I. Why should he have all the hassle of managing 3 rental houses, when they would be going to Gary and I eventually anyway? After hearing how much work he did on the Lemona house, I feel bad that he did not enjoy the fruits of his labor. Managing real estate is alot of work and alot of headaches. Ric and I manage 9 of our own and 6 for my mother-in-law. It can be extremely stressful and hard on our relationship. 5 years ago, at least we had some equity to look forward to cashing in, but after the real estate bubble burst, we don't even have that now. Just lots of bills and lots of headaches.

Dr. Gary Schwartz

Wednesday January 8, 1992

We didn't wake up til 8 a.m. and I had to wake Frank. Are we getting lazy? The room was cold. the bed was warm. We both had the electric blanket on.

We leave at 11 a.m., going to Costco before my doctor appointment. I'm finally going to see a new doctor, Dr. Schwartz. It's been about 11 weeks since I've had kemo.

Dr. Schwartz comes in--he's young! He's very thorough in talking with us and examining me. We like him alot. He knows my case but studies my chart before coming in. Dr. Bix had conferred with him when deciding on my recent kemo. He had recommended the drug treatment and still believes it is best. He's had good results with it. He wants to continue the same treatment but give the 5 FU every other week instead of every week. I have an injection of 5 FU and we come home to spend a quiet night. I feel fine.

Amazingly, I checked the Kaiser Permanente website for Woodland Hills, California, and Dr. Gary Schwartz is still practicing oncology there after more than 20 years. I have posted his photo here. He looks pretty good even 20 years later. Having confidence in your doctor is very important, as is having good communication. Dr. Bix seemed to be lacking on both counts. But why has it taken 11 weeks to get an appointment with a new doctor for chemotherapy? This was a critical lapse.

In the front of this journal (#3) Mom has posted the following note:

Medicine taken Jan 1-June 30, 1992:
Megace (Megestrol) 4 daily
Alkeran--8 pills, once per day for 6 days only every 6 weeks
5FU Injection every 2 weeks

As for sleeping in until 8:00--Mom, I don't think you are lazy just because you sleep in an extra hour for a day or two. I slept until 9:30 today. Relax!

Beauty & The Beast

Tuesday January 7, 1992

My tentonitis in my right wrist seems to be no better after a week of wearing the wrist brace. I do take the brace off to write, eat or be in water.

We go to an afternoon movie to see Beauty & The Beast. It's a movie we have a small investment in and happily it's doing very well.

It's pouring rain all day especially when we're ready to leave at 4:30 for dinner with Joe and Connie at their new home in Valencia. The ridge route is closed for snow as is Highway 14. We wonder if Phil will get home tonight after work. We easily make it to Joe and Connie's and have a lovely late dinner. Their children are 14 and 18 now and nice kids. We wonder if they know they are adopted. Connie tells me her mom died of ovarian cancer in 1973 after ignoring it too long.

I know Mom owned Disney stock because she left it to Justin after she died. That was a nice inheritance for a boy. It helped him buy a vehicle and pay for his college education years later.

The "ridge route" is the locals term for Interstate 5 over Tejon Pass near Gorman, California. Interstate 5 is the main artery through California, Oregon and Washington, so when it shuts down due to snow once or twice a year, sometimes just for a few hours, sometimes for a couple of days, it really shuts down commerce on the West Coast. Highway 14 goes to Palmdale. Both of Frank's sons live in Palmdale, which is over an hour drive to their jobs in Los Angeles. His daughter Delores settled in San Diego after attending college there.

New Sheriff In Town

Monday January 6, 1992

I'm up and off to get my nails done. When I return Phil is here visiting with Frank. We all go to lunch at a Mexican cafe in town. Phil is doing well and has decided to sleep in his water bed again. If Debby doesn't like that, she can sleep in Joey's room.

In the evening we go square dancing and then out to Hudson's Grill with lots of friends. We find out there that we are being nominated and selected to be Sheriff of our club which means we do the ticket (money) drawing each month and plan the social activities for the club. We timidly accept.

Wow, that sounds like something right up her alley. Mom was a social butterfly, and she loved planning social get-togethers. Their square dancing club is becoming a very important part of their life.

Dad is as Pissy, Moany and Crotchety as Ever

Sunday January 5, 1992

We sleep in and have a leisurely morning. It's raining hard all day. In the afternoon we go to Frank's folks house. Frank hooks up the VCR we gave them for Christmas. Dad is as pissy and moany and crotchety as ever. Mom is as nervous and distressed as always. It's a real strain to be around them. Not a very pleasant experience, but a must. We try our best to brighten their day.

Oh my, is this what becomes of all of us as we get older? I see it profoundly in my dad, who is almost 80 years old. He is so incredibly negative about absolutely everything, that it is emotionally draining to talk with him on the phone. No matter how hard I try to change the topic, he always brings it back to how the world is going to hell. His negativity puts me in a funk for 2-3 days almost every time we talk. I was having my hair done yesterday at the local salon and there was a 95-year-old woman there who was getting a perm. She complained loudly (because she was obviously hard-of-hearing) about everything. Do we revert to toddlerhood and throw temper tantrums by the time we are 90? I see my husband becoming more like Frank's dad everyday, pissy and moany, and I see myself becoming more anxious and nervous, especially when I am around my crotchety husband.

Cupid's Hot Dogs

Saturday January 4, 1992

Up and feeling great! We go banking, shopping and have a Cupid's hot dog and ice cream at Baskin Robbins.

At home I make a huge salad for dinner tonight here with Marty, Kathy, Robbie and Dolores. Then I make a loaf of sandwiches for the Halfway Dance tonight.

Everyone arrives at 6 p.m.

Wow, this brings back some memories. Baskin-Robbins is still around in every town in America and 35 countries with 6000 stores and their 31 flavors of ice cream, but Cupid's Hot Dogs in Van Nuys was where Mom would take me when we were on a shopping excursion or when we went to visit her grandmother in Van Nuys. It was established in 1946, but only 3 stands remain today, in Northridge, Simi Valley, and Canoga Park, California. The one Mom took me as a child in Van Nuys was torn down, but the one across the street from the CSU Northridge campus I attended in the 70s is still there. Hot dogs with chili and onions was all they served. It was just a small roadside stand. The skin on the hot dog was thick and when I would bite through it, the juice would squirt in my face. The onions made my eyes water. The buns were soft and fresh. It was a real treat.

"My Girl'

Friday January 3, 1992

I spend the morning paying bills. We reward me by going to the movies. We see "My Girl", a movie about a little girl whose mother died from childbirth and she is raised by an uninvolved father who runs a funeral home out of their home. They live upstairs. The 11-year-old girl has no girlfriends. Her best friend is a 10-year-old neighbor boy. She goes into a tailspin when he dies from massive bee stings because he's allergic. It's sad and we both cry.

We're home by 6 p.m. We have a quiet evening doing some paperwork.

I remember that very sad movie very well. Macaulay Culkin of "Home Alone" fame plays the 10-year-old boy. It was so sad when the swarm of bees attacked him.

Rose Parade Floats

Thursday January 2, 1992

We have a lazy morning. It's not raining after all so we decide to go to Pasadena to see the floats from the Rose Parade. It works out well for us to pay to park in the church lot. Their van shuttle takes us up the hill to where the floats begin. It's great! Frank's first time to see a float in person.

Afterward we go a few blocks to Gene & Cathy's. They are not at home. We call Guy--Cathy is in Hemet. We leave a note and go to Gary's. After 15 minutes he, Maria and boys come home. They are glad to see us and are happy to go out for Mexican food with us. We enjoy! We're home at 8:30, relax and watch TV.

It may have been Frank's first time to see a float in person, but Mom had seen many over the years. My Uncle Gene (her brother) and Aunt Cathy lived on Sierra Madre Blvd in Pasadena for many years. They would invite their friends and relatives to join them every year to set up chairs on the front porch or sit on the roof of their storage shed to see the parade. It was fun, but I hated getting up at 4:30 in the morning to make the drive to Pasadena. Fortunately, one of their neighbors let us park in their front yard for free, as parking was at a premium. Some time during my teen years, the state bought their house to build the Pasadena Freeway and they moved up to the hills overlooking Pasadena. They are now 83 and 81 years old, enjoying life, travelling the world, and entertaining friends in that same home. They even drove up for my son's wedding this summer, a 400 mile drive from Pasadena. Young at heart, both of them. Here is a photo of them in their younger years:

Frank's Mother Has a New Year's Birthday

Happy New Year!

Wednesday January 1, 1992

We sleep in til 9:30. We get up and watch the Rose Parade. Frank's nose is much better. I feel great except for my wrist and some cold symptoms.

We take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations around the house. We sit down often to watch the football games. We have the dogs in and give them some long overdue love. I take a couple of 10-minute naps during the day.

We call Frank's mom and wish her Happy Birthday!

Frank's mother, pictured above in blue at Frank's daughter's wedding to Steve in 1986, lived well into her 80s.

I'm glad to know that Mom and Frank occasionally let their dogs in the house. Every time we visited them the dogs were confined to a dog run on the side of the house. Mom did love her dogs, but she loved a nice clean orderly house too. When I was growing up, we had dogs, but they were never allowed in the house.

Last Day of 1991

Tuesday December 31, 1991

Last day of 1991!

I didn't sleep very well last night. I'm worried about Chris. I couldn't reach her by phone yesterday though I tried several times. I call her at 9:15. She says she went out all afternoon and out to dinner feeling better. She and Ric are working on their problems between them.

We go shopping for a shirt for Frank to wear tonight. At 5 p.m. we go to decorate for the dance and finish at 7. We go home and get ready in our new "New Year's Eve" duds.

We have a great time at the square dance with lots of friends to wish happy new year to. It's 1 p.m. when we get home.

I wonder if Mom was wondering if this might be her last New Year's Eve? This is Mom's last entry in Journal #2 (4 more to go).

The Past Two Weeks Are Catching Up With Us

Monday December 30, 1991

Up, feeling good. Later feeling worn out. Frank too. I think the past two weeks are catching up with us.

We go to the doctor at 11 a.m. He thinks my wrist is a tendinitis problem. He gives me a wrist brace to wear. Frank has an infected pimple in his nose. He gets medicine.

We "After Christmas Sale" shop, bank.

We go square dancing to help the beginning class. Afterwards, we go to Hudson's Grill with Marty and Kathy. It's a good turnout of 50-60 class and club friends. I have a malt. It tastes soooo good.

Hah! Mom may have been tired, but nothing perked up her energy like a SALE! After spending the day at the doctor's office and shopping, she still had the energy to go square dancing too. I wish I had her energy!

I Have So Many Old Friends from Childhood

Sunday December 29, 1991

We're up early to get ready for a visit from Jack and Theresa Turpin. We put on a great lunch for them, son Bill and his 3 children. We enjoy it too. They stay til about 5 p.m. We have a good visit. Frank says later he is envious that I have so many old friends from childhood and how we reminisce about the old days. Frank had no friends when he was young. That's sad. I think keeping friends grounds us. I'm happy to have so many friends from years and years ago.

I am so envious of that very thing too, Frank. I have very few friends from my childhood that I keep in touch with. The only one that comes to mind is Debbie Smith, who lived 2 doors down from the house on Lemona. We keep in touch on Facebook, but I haven't seen her for many years. That's one of the things I love about Facebook: locating and catching up with old friends. Mom had dozens of friends from her elementary and high school days, and the friends who came into her life in later years remained her friends for life. The image I have posted with this entry shows an inscription from her senior high school yearbook below the photo of her friend Carol Zeigler. This yearbook is dated 1952 and Carol's inscription states that they have know each other for 11 years. In 1941 Carol and Mom were 7 years old! Amazingly, Frank is now married to Carol!

I Don't Think Ric Can Make Chris Happy

Saturday December 28, 1991

We work hard all day to get the house back into shape for company again tomorrow. The Turpins called and are coming by. That makes me very happy.

I call Chris to see how well they did going home yesterday. They had to take 99 home as 5 was closed. They had wind and dust til Modesto, then rain all the way home. It took them 10 hours. John was upset they got Justin home about 8 p.m.

Chris is upset and crying alot. She's been throwing up again. I think it's caused by the stress she feels there. She was not sick here. Ric is no help. He's watching football on TV. Chris needs help cause she's sick and Ric has asked him family (cousins) over to visit in the afternoon without asking Chris.

Justin has gone skiing in Tahoe with John.

Sorry, I don't think Ric can make Chris happy. He's not loving or considerate.

It has been several weeks since my last post because I read mom's entry and just did not know how to respond without being unkind. This is my most personal and difficult post so far. First let me say that of course I was stressed after driving home in a windstorm that closed the main Interstate highway from Southern to Northern California, then getting my son back to his dad late and facing his anger. All of this while dealing with my pregnancy nausea, which was exacerbated by driving in the car. While seeing my family in Simi Valley did lift my spirits, by no means was my nausea gone. I remember vividly that Justin pushed me around the Ronald Reagan Library in a wheelchair during our visit because I felt so sick. Once we returned home and Justin was back with his dad, there was nothing but nausea and puking to look forward to for the next 6-1/2 months. Mom always taught me to be self-reliant and strong. I tried to make my own meals, but just opening the refrigerator downstairs and seeing all the food inside would make me puke right there on the kitchen floor. I just stayed upstairs in bed with saltine crackers and 7-Up to sustain me. I asked Ric to make me a turkey sandwich everyday for lunch. That was one of the few things I could keep down if I laid very still in bed. I remember throwing up my turkey sandwich as I lay on the delivery table 6-1/2months later.

As hard as it was for me to ask for help, Ric seemed to resent having to wait on me. Mom's intuition was always right, Ric is not loving or considerate. He is often irritable, sarcastic and critical. I had broken off our relationship the night before I found out I was pregnant. But once I knew there was a baby on the way, that baby became the most important person in the relationship. I was determined not to raise this baby in a broken home as Justin was.

I had a hard time finding a photo of Ric where he actually looks happy. After 19 years of marriage, the above photo from 2009 is the only photo I could find where he is smiling. Without a doubt that's because he is holding his beloved Brutus. Nothing makes him happy like his dog and football.

Yesterday I went to church and the pastor's message was called "Life's Not Fair!" The most important statement I brought away from that message was "Focus on what God has given you, not on what you are missing." God has blessed me in so many ways, with 3 beautiful boys, good friends, a beautiful home, and the beauty of living in Sonoma County. I choose to focus on those things, and not what my marriage is lacking. In my marriage I choose to focus on the fact that Ric is a good dad to his boys, he is skilled in so many fields, he is smart, he is informed, and he is faithful to me.

The Crystal Cathedral

Friday December 27, 1991

Up early to get Chris and Ric fed and off for home at 10 a.m. Then we head for Kaiser where I have a CT scan. From there we go to Marty and Kathy's. We all leave at 4:30 for The Crystal Cathedral to see "The Glory of Christmas". It's a great show! Afterward, we all go to dinner at Baker Square. We go to Marty and Kathy's for dessert and to watch a video. It's a really nice afternon and evening.

Located in Garden Grove, California, the Crystal Cathedral is still in operation and has a congregation of over 10,000 members and the internationally televised "Hour of Power." Although not as large as the Crystal Cathedral, I recently found out that the church I attended as a teenager in the late 1960s (First Baptist Church of Van Nuys) dissolved in 1989. It seated almost 2000 at each service.

Ronald Reagan Library

Thursday December 26, 1991

Up early, feeling good except for my aching wrist and thumbs. We have waffles for breakfast. Ric says Chris had a bad night. She woke up crying about what I said to her yesterday. Then she had a bad dream that Chewy, their dog, killed the baby playing with it.

At 10 a.m. we leave to visit the Reagan Library. We all really enjoy it, especially the miniature White House which is decorated for Christmas. We take lots of pictures for Justin to share at school.

We have a late lunch at Bob's Big Boy, then come home to relax. I go marketing and banking. Frank and Justin go bike riding in the Arroyo.

Wow, I don't remember that dream, but I do remember being upset about Mom's remarks. I also remember that when we went to the Reagan Library Justin pushed me around the building in a wheelchair because I was too nauseous to stand. The decorated miniature white house was very charming!

Where's Santa?

Wednesday December 25, 1991

Christmas Day!

We're up at 8 a.m. Sleeping in hoping Frank will feel better. It works. His sore throat and achiness have gone. He feels much better. We have a nice breakfast. Ric stays in bed til noon. He has the sore throat and cold now.

Gary and Maria and boys arrive about 1 p.m. Justin is happy to have the boys to play with. Maria has wrapped and brought Justin 2 gifts. She's so sweet. Chris and Ric and Justin had no gifts to open on Christmas morning. They are giving Justin money later for Christmas. It breaks my heart to see my grandson get nothing for Christmas. What were they thinking? Chris has been sick but Ric could have bought a couple of gifts so he'd have something to open. Frank rushes to wrap a Mickey Mouse watch we had in the closet and tells Justin to check again to be sure there are no more gifts under the tree. He is thrilled with the watch from Santa.

Later I tell Chris how I feel and she gets upset. I don't like the way Ric treats Justin sometimes. I think he is cruel at times.

We have a lovely family day, playing pool, ham dinner. Just after the dinner niece Dawn and hubby Russ stop by to visit. They sit at the dining room table to visit with us for 2 hours. It's a good visit! Gary stays til 10 p.m.

This is very painful to read. After spending the last 2 months in bed with nausea and vomiting, to be criticized for not going out shopping for Christmas gifts was more than I could bear. Just the fact that I was able to make the 400 mile drive while suffering from severe nausea was a huge effort. As for Ric, yes he was and is harsh with Justin sometimes, but that's not the reason he did not buy Justin a gift. He didn't buy anyone a gift. All gift-giving has always fallen on my shoulders. I can count the number of birthday and Christmas gifts he has given me in 22 years on one hand. He is just not into holidays or gift-giving of any kind. I think it must be the way he was raised because his mother thinks birthdays are no big deal either, just another day. Quite the opposite of my mom, who made a big deals every year over Christmas and birthdays. I always bought gifts from Santa for our sons Derek and Ryan when they were little, but once they got to be 10 or 12, they wanted cold hard cash. Since Justin was 10 in 1991, perhaps that's what he wanted too.

I remember my cousin Dawn coming over to visit that night. She often came over to Mom's house to visit me when I drove down for the holidays. She came to visit us in Sonoma County just last year when she was in the area. Of all my cousins, I am the closest to her.