Last Chance to Make Love

Saturday October 5, 1991

I wake Frank to make love. Maybe the last time for awhile. I wonder how long? When will I be allowed and will it hurt? I will miss my cervix. I like having it bumped. I am at peace with my impending surgery as long as I don't think about it. So I don't think about it much. When I do I feel a panic in my chest for a second.

We spend the afternoon at Lemona Open House. Three or four families come by. Nothing happens. We are home by 5:30 and I start dinner. We are going to the first square dance Fun Dance for the class people. Frank forgets about the dance and drinks a scotch, then worries that someone might smell it. No chance after our big dinner.

We have a good time dancing with Robbie and Delores.

Of course Mom is getting more and more anxious about her surgery. Sometimes, though, the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you think about it. I'm glad she got to go square dancing this night, but I'm wondering why Frank was worried about having a drink. Are the members of their club not allowed to drink alcohol before or during a dance? As for the scotch, perhaps Frank was trying to calm his anxiety as well. I have hardly ever seen him drink more than a glass of wine.