Saturday, February 18, 2012

When I Die I Don't Want Frank to be Alone

Friday May 8, 1992

Still not feeling great but much improved. I'm tired, probably from my busy day yesterday. I go to the market, bank and Target and drag home. Frank comes home now and again for tools, etc. I make a great salad and we leave for Lane & Phil's at 7 p.m. for dinne with old friends from Interdyne where we worked 15 years ago. Dick & Carol and Del are there. We have some good talk and a great dinner. We are home at 12:00 midnight.

I'm thinking tonight in bed that when I die I don't want Frank to be alone. I think our friend Rosie would make a good mate and a good replacement for me. She is sweet and would fit right in. She's a real family person and close to her son and grandchildren in Palmdale. We may talk about this later.

Proverbs 12:18 says "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." The words we speak to others can encourage them or discourage them. Sometimes, they can bring life or bring death. When Mom had her doctor visit with her surgeon on April 30, he was not encouraging and she felt like he was writing her off as a lost cause. I see a definitely shift in her attitude, which was always positive before this. I have just begun Book 4 of her journal, a bit more than halfway through her journey and I see the shift like a blinking sign. That doctor spoke death to her, and she is giving up. She is talking about dying, and about finding a new wife for Frank. She knew that Frank would want to find a mate as quickly as possible. He would not like to be alone. My brother Gary and I were angry that he started dating a woman from their square dancing club a few months after Mom passed away, and they were married about a year later. Millie had beeen single for a very long time though and was used to having alot of freedom to come and go as she pleased without having to check in with anyone. This drove Frank crazy and after 7 years they divorced. Then Frank started dating Mom's friend Carol, one of her most enduring friendships, having met in kindergarten. Mom and Frank were introduced to jazz festivals by Carol and her boyfriend, and she shared their passion for square dancing as well. Rosie was not to be Frank's wife, but Mom's friend Carol, pictured above with Frank in 2011, would become his wife and companion in his old age. I think Mom would have been pleased with his selection.

Again, I am impressed with Mom's attitude "Once a friend, always a friend.". Her closest friends were ones she met in elementary school, like Donna and Carol. After she left her job at Interdyne, she kept in touch with her co-workers even 15 years later. Four years after I have retired from PG&E after 33 years working there, I only keep in touch with one person, my boss Pat. We have a tradition to take each other out every year for our birthdays, his in January, mine in April. He also invites me to the company Christmas breakfast every year. He was the best boss I ever had, and I am really glad we keep in touch. Otherwise, I don't keep in touch with anyone from PG&E, but have found a new circle of friends from my church.

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